Type Casting

A coworker and I were gabbing about what attracts us to potential lovahs. He said "small and Latino is my go-to" and I, of course, said "I like them over six feet tall and thick. Basically I want an oak tree who likes kids and dogs." We laughed at how mired in predictability we both are and then got real quiet thinking of how single we both are.

Our conversation reminded me of this meme I'd seen a while back and of course saved on my phone because I'm that friend who enjoys memes way too much. The message in the meme is that some of us are willing to overlook several *ahem* red flags in order to fill that little box on our Must Have list.

We overlook other things, too, in our quest to find that special someone who fits the bill, don't we? I've mused before how it's quite possible that in my years of looking up trying to find Mr Right, several Mr Maybes passed by right under my nose. Or just a few inches north of it.

It's not that I haven't dabbled in other "types". I have. The last guy I spent longer than a single date with was low to the ground and more Michelin Man than Marlboro Man. Unfortunately he wasn't even Mr. That'll Do For Now, and my love life since then has consisted of REM stage dates with Jon Hamm and waking up with my dog.

For the record, no. I am not actively trying to find love. Not even close. In fact, one could say I am very actively avoiding it. The thought of doing the online thing chills me to my very bones, and it's not like I'm going to meet the man of my dreams at my usual haunts (work, Costco, Target, YMCA and the occasional night out with my ladies). I vowed, years ago, to put that stuff on hold while I still had kids to raise. That vow is now nearing its expiration date, however, and like a young man's fancy in the spring, my thoughts are cautiously and ever-so-slowly turning to love.

When I read a book, it never fails: I will mentally cast the movie/tv version. And almost always, I am disappointed (and funnily, for some reason, offended) when the movie/series does come out and it's tragically miscast. Until I get into it, and at the end of said movie/show I'm the one doing a standing ovation and wondering how in the world I ever thought anyone else but Reese Witherspoon could have played Madeline in "Big Little Lies". *however I still stand by my assertion that "The Girl on the Train" was cast entirely wrong*

Maybe someday I will find my leading man and just like I rolled my eyes when I heard Matt Damon was going to play my beloved Mark Watney in "The Martian" maybe I will be dubious as to whether or not he can fit the bill. Maybe he won't look like Rob Delaney from "Catastrophe", with thick thighs and a hedge-like five o'clock shadow. Maybe he'll be short or bald or conservative. 

Maybe he won't be my type at all. And maybe...it will be just what I need.


  1. I can recommend going against type. I swore no more lawyers. And I would never move again for a man. NEVER.

    I married a Texas trial lawyer. In Texas. (In fairness, he moved back East for me... 6 years later.)

    I'm far from his ideal too -- I'm an inch taller. Very happy anyway.

    Good luck on the quest -- just date for character. Everything thing else comes second.

  2. I made such abysmal choices in the only 2 relationships I had that I'm done. My dog died and I am getting a new dog, a girl. When I look at acquaintences who have partners or SOs, and I am happy with the dog. I am and always have been a rescuer/ caretaker and it was good in my occupation, but not my life. I got 3 great kids from the marital connection and nothing but heartache and money loss with the SO, also loss of self esteem for the painful choice I made. I lIke men as friends and conversationalists, but carrying 1/2 of a relationship is not for me. I try to stay active, interested and interesting, I volunteer and meet lots of neat people in the process. I guess you have to choose to be happy in your situation, and I mostly am. Just my thoughts.

  3. I don't know the answer, but for me this worked; met on an online dating website. Talked for weeks that way without meeting. I was smitten by what was in his mind and personality. After we met, he wanted a relationship right away and I wanted friends for a while until I was comfortable. He wasn't willing to do that so we cut it off. He waited about 7-8 months and contacted me again, said he'd be willing to be friends. We were going super slow until I got pregnant, something I was told would never happen to me.

    1. Also, didn't want a relationship which was serious. Was looking to date and not in a hurry. Plus I spent about 15-20 years at that point (I was 32 or 33 yo) in various therapies, 12-step meetings, yoga, working-out, and other positive-self activities. It was either all that or death. I never ever wanted to marry, I never ever wanted kids. Maybe this summary will help someone out there somewhere.

  4. Don't rule out Target or any of your regular places. I got lucky and ran into an old friend at my local community theatre one evening about seven years ago. I haven't ever really had a type but as it turns out, he is the man of my dreams.

  5. Loved this! Also am totally obsessed with Rob Delaney!


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