Is Late Really Better Than Never?

I'm just going to stand over here and look at the water, okay?

My ex-husband always did things at his own pace. Getting his MBA, starting/finishing projects around the house, turning new leaves...all were done in Big Daddy's signature style: sporadically. There were bursts of activity, fires lit beneath him by something he'd seen or been told. But for the most part, he was a very low-key person.

I remember once, before everything went to hell, he took a couple of the kids away to his college roommate's cabin for a weekend. Which was wonderful, by the way. It meant I was left home with just one child, the littlest at the time, and I have no doubt that if I hadn't been breastfeeding he'd have attempted to take that kid as well.

He wasn't all bad, you guys. For a nice long time, he was a decent guy.

When he returned from that weekend getaway, he was bursting with a renewed enthusiasm about marriage and parenting and it seemed, life in general. I recall being a little freaked out, because normally he had the get-up-and-go of a sedated giraffe. Was his old friend in a cult? Did he give him some essential oils?

This was new, to see him excited about being a husband and father. Looking back, it was kind of ominous, I guess. I mean, who doesn't have at least a little zeal for life, right?

The conversation we had that is stuck in my mind happened over, of all things, a litter box. Back in those days I was a cat person, and therefore, we were a cat family. We'd started out with a freebie, an ornery prick of a feline named Reggie whose previous owner had been a manager of the Gap Kids store I worked at. I loved that cat. We added two more to the menagerie, a 20-pounder named Eddie and a snaggletoothed Maine Coon cat who came to us with the name Milo.

So we had multiple litter boxes. Cleaning them out was usually my job, since I was the stay at home parent. The cats stayed home as well, therefore their toilets were my responsibility.

But one night, shortly after the cabin getaway, I was down in our Silence of the Lambs basement, preparing to do the scoop duty. Big Daddy approached and took the tools of the trade (scooper and plastic bag) out of my hands, squatted down and proceeded to sift out the clumps.

While he sifted, he spoke. "Man, I learned so much from Steve this weekend." (Steve is not the college friend's real name, obviously) Intrigued, I asked what exactly he'd learned.

"Well, he was talking about how much he helps out at home. Like, with the kids and stuff." He shifted his weight, the plastic bag in his hand filling up rapidly.

"It made me realize how much you do. And that I don't appreciate you enough."

Now, had you asked me back then, I would have claimed it was the cat pee fumes that were making my eyes water. Truthfully, it felt good to be acknowledged. You know you're living the luxe life when someone else cleaning up kitty droppings is akin to being honored.

He went on, then, about turning a new leaf. Like, literally said, "I'm turning a new leaf." He promised to step up his parenting game, to be a more involved father. To be a more attentive husband.

We enjoyed his new leaf for a nice stretch of time. And then, as leaves are wont to do, it dried out and eventually, crumbled into bits.


My kids haven't had a true relationship with their father for several years. When he first left, even before either of us consulted an attorney, he was adamant about the kids living with me full-time. Back then, I was sure his insistence was due to the overwhelming responsibility that is taking care of four children. As things became clearer, and secrets were revealed, I realized it was more likely fear of overwhelming his new roommate, the woman he'd left our family to be with. Because it's one thing to take on a man with kids, it's something completely different to take on the kids themselves. Hindsight, y'all. It will become one of your most constant companions after divorce. 

At first he was the model divorced dad: dutifully picking the kids up for his every-other weekend shift, and the two weeknights as well. We were each allotted two solid weeks of vacation time over the summer, and that first summer, he did indeed take them up north for a week. 

We adhered religiously to the holiday schedule. Those were the days when I'd sit down on January 1st, take a Sharpie and my new calendar and methodically go through every month, marking weekends with either K or NK, indicating kids or no kids. It's still weird to me, how bizarre acts such as this so quickly begin to feel normal. 

He went to two parent-teacher conferences after the divorce. Two. He did attend concerts and games, oftentimes sitting in the back or standing near an exit. But he was there, and that mattered to the kids. 

They notice, the kids. They can tell when someone is making an effort to be involved. To be part of their lives.

And they definitely notice when that effort is not being made. Some kids will express this in words. They'll ask you, outright: "Where is dad? Why didn't he go to the game? Why didn't he pick us up tonight?". Other children don't say anything at all. But don't let their silence fool you. They internalize it but it always comes out. Kind of like putting on Spanx. You can smoosh and flatten the flab all the live long day, but eventually it's going to ooze out one end or the other.

Sometimes, in the kids, it will become a tantrum. It might be tears. Others find themselves grappling with feelings of abandonment, worthlessness, inadequacies. They might lose themselves in video games or books. Become withdrawn or become the life of the party. Alternate between crying don't look at me! and why aren't you watching me?

I have found that to be the most distasteful of all the fallout from my divorce. Not the hit my self esteem took, not the damage done to my finances. Not the loss of a wonderful bunch of in-laws.

Watching my kids deal with a father who drifted, slowly but surely, out of their lives has been excruciating. I can only imagine how it's felt for them.

I worry. Even though we are open with one another and talk about these things, the casual manner in which their father drops in and out of their lives, I worry. I am terrified that my boys will grow to be men who believe women and families are disposable like diapers or razors. I am scared that my daughter will have daddy issues and/or think it's perfectly okay for a man to so brazenly forsake his wife, their vows and their children without a second thought.

One of my oddball crushes, Andy Samberg, sings a funny little song called "Cool Guys Don't Look At Explosions". It cracks me up because I'm basically an 8th grade boy trapped in a middle aged lady body, but it also makes the divorced me giggle. It's an homage to how all the cool dudes in movies do the whole "tough guy blows shit up and then walks away, usually in slow motion" routine and the video is perfection (including Will Ferrell as Neil Diamond). But it always reminds me of how my ex, and so many others out there, have done exactly that.

They lit a fire and then walked away. They created these families, these people, and then took off right in the freaking middle. Mine left in the thick of things. At the most chaotic, the most harried time in a young family's timeline. Even when he willingly participated in his parenting time, the brunt of it was left for me to deal with. All those Monday mornings. The summers! PUBERTY, TIMES FOUR. The shaving lessons, the attempts at driving, the outbursts, finding bongs on the porch, the sex talks and the mother effing sibling rivalry. The job interviews and the last-minute rush to find black pants for every single freaking concert ever. The forgotten permission slips and science projects, the eleventh-hour run to OfficeMax for the poster board or that very specific plastic folder (7 pockets! MOM IT HAS TO BE 7 POCKETS NOT 10!!!!). Consoling the heartbroken boy after a breakup, dealing with Mean Girls and bullies and non-communicative teachers.

It's been hard, but I did it. The finish line isn't exactly close, but it's in sight.

This would be a perfect time to jump back into the parenting ring, right? After the shrieks of childhood have died down to become monotone mumbles of young adulthood, it would be kind of easy, wouldn't it? Like adopting a dog who's already been trained.


And that's kind of what I see happening. Not with all of the kids, oh no. We don't want to get crazy or anything. But with one of them, there is a relationship forming. Regrowing. 

I'm okay with it. In fact, it brings tears to my eyes thinking about it. I even said, out loud...

Better late than never.

I will keep saying that, to my kids, to people who want to listen. It's better to be part of someone's life no matter what chapter they're in. 

Is it fair? Nope. Not by a long shot. I can't tell you how many nights I'd fall into bed, completely spent after a day of fixing and counseling and cooking and loving four growing human beings without a partner. It's like the Little Freaking Red Hen, busting her ass to make a damn loaf of bread from scratch and then all of those lazy assholes in the barnyard bum-rushing the kitchen to eat it. 

But it's better.

It's better than nothing. 

It's better than never.

(pause for dramatic effect)(LOL)

I don't know about you, but I could use a laugh right now. Here's the video I referenced above. If you're not a teenage boy at heart, you might not enjoy it. Me? I'm LOVING IT.


  1. The Spanx analogy just about killed me. And I'm so glad to hear I'm not the only one wandering the aisles of Target and Kohls late at night looking for those black pants!

    1. Ha! Coincidentally I am wearing a spanx cami right now. I know what I'm talkin' about.

  2. Be happy your ex didn't take the kids from you AND ignore them. Years of effort to keep you be from your own children is worse than any financial devastation or him breaking your heart. Your story is a happy one compared to those.

    1. Happiness is in the eye of the beholder. Or something like that. I appreciate that my experience isn't the worst one out there. Just writing about it.

      I'm sorry if that's what happened to you :(

  3. This post is my life, only I have one teenage boy. I wish he had siblings he could talk to about it but I'm there whenever he needs to talk. He's the best kid. Too bad he dad doesn't know it. Dad's loss.

    1. Anon, I'll tell you what. Sometimes I think siblings are a blessing. Sometimes I think they're a curse. There are days when I wonder what life would be like if I'd had just one of my kids. I can't say that it would be any better or worse, for me or that kid.

      I do know that all it takes is one loving parent for a child to grow up knowing what it feels like to be loved. You are doing that. And no matter what, you need to be proud of yourself. I'm proud of you.

      Love to you and your best kid.

  4. This is another post I am sure either HuffPoDivorce and/or Scary Mommy will want, Jenny! As always, thanks so much for sharing your life with us...including all the feels that are really tough. I am glad to hear your ex is trying to build a relationship with at least one of the kids, and honestly I hope he will keep working at it. Hope it's a healing experience for the child involved as well!

    1. Thank you, so much Jenzi! I am trying to take advantage of my alone hours in the school office this summer. This post was my first experiment. I think it worked out okay ;)

      I'm happy about Big D reaching out, too. I'm bitter, in a way, because WHAT THE EFF TOOK YOU SO LONG. But beggars can't be choosers, right?

      And that's what my kids are when it comes to their father. They are beggars. Looking for a sign that he sees them. Looking for a bone. That makes me sad. But I know they need him. He needs them. I won't let my (very justified) anger over what has transpired get in the way of that.


    2. Bitterness on your part is SO normal and natural under the circs. And you are, like I've said many times, one of my she-roes for your generosity and unselfishness in taking the high road here. That is HARD. Makes me sad, too, that the kids should have to wonder so much whether their dad truly cares about them and wants to be with them. But I really think that bright side, in a twisted kind of way, is that he's provided them a negative role model for how NOT to be if/when they are partners and parents themselves. (And you're providing them a positive one.) Kind of like my dad, who was abused as a child, promised himself that if he had kids himself he would treat them the OPPOSITE of how his parents treated him -- and he absolutely succeeded at that with me. Because of their dad's behavior I would not be surprised at all if your boys have thought "I will NEVER do anything like that to my wife and kids if I have them." And while Molly might have trust issues here and there (or she may not...it isn't inevitable), I'm guessing she probably also has developed very high standards for her relationships with guys. And all four of your kids have seen so much strength and love for them in you that that will guide them, too! XOXO

  5. While I'm not walking your mile in your shoes, I have friends who are there, and I appreciate (more than you can know) that you are telling it like it is. Preach on! Especially while you are walking that line, taking the high road, add the cliche' of your choice -- you are doing it with class.
    I love the video because I, too, am a 12yo boy in a middle-aged woman's body. (Also, Hugh Jackman. Yum.)

    1. Thank you so much, Karen! I'm glad you are able to get something out of it.

      And yes, there is much eye candy in the video. I think my favorite part is "MARK WAHLBERG IS WEARING A HAT". LOL.


  6. I read your blog and stories not because I am divorced (although I have contemplated it many times) but because We have custody of our grandson and your stories have given me some insight as to how approach some of these issues you are dealing with. In my case I deal with an absent, uninterested father and mother. Our grandson is now 16 and wants nothing to do with his mother (drugs) and can barely tolerate his Dad. We make sure he sees his Dad but it is a struggle although we must say his stepmom is the one that shows interest in what he does maybe because she was a single mom before she married his Dad.
    Children understand so much more than we give them credit for, the best advice I can give anyone is to let hem talk about everything and anything (when they want to) don't force them to express their feelings (he clamps up) and give them space. The way you described your ex, it would not surprise me that the child he shows an interest in right now is the one who makes the contact. Maybe it works out for both of them, but I have my doubts because soon the son will start asking questions as to why he neglected them for so long and there is no answer that will justify the last 13 years. Keep your head up! All mothers are not created equal but you are in the top 10 in my book.

    1. Oh anonymous. Thank goodness you are there for your grandson! My heart breaks for him. I'm so glad he has you guys in his life. Interesting about the stepmom...

      Your words are so kind. They mean a lot to me, thank you so much.

  7. Hi happy hausfrau,
    There is no fair play from your ex now and probably there won't be any fair play in the future. I think those kind of people take what they want, when they want, and all the way doing that, they act like they are the victims. I know all to well the type. I'm glad that at least on of your kids is bonding with his father, and I hope that your ex won't disappoint that kid again.

    1. Hi Zara! You know, one of my friends says something very similar to this: "why do you continue to hope he's going to change?". I guess it's just optimism or maybe, stupidity. I keep thinking the guy I fell in love with is still in there. But as time drags on it's becoming pretty obvious he's not.

      Thank you so much for reading, and for your kind words.

  8. So many of your words resonated with me. I, too, worry that my son will think families are disposable and my daughter will have Daddy issues. They're only 2 and 5 now, but I worry already. I have spent so much time over the last year and a half since he abandoned us feeling angry at him when I am doing everything to care for them while he rarely ever bothers to call. At times I actually feel sorry for him, though. I look at my two beautiful, smart, funny children and all the great moments we have together that he is missing. He really doesn't even know them anymore, how terribly sad! I think he will probably realize it and try to reach out one day just as Big Daddy has done, but it may be too late. Not all children would be receptive to a parent who shows interest after years of neglect. And I wouldn't blame them in the least if they didn't. Thanks for writing. It's so comforting to know there are others facing the same challenges. I don't have many divorced or single parent friends to share feelings with.

    1. Oh Jenna. It really is sad, isn't it?

      I hope, for our kid's sakes, that there is no such thing as "too late". But the reality is, they've missed out on so much. Can you ever make up for lost time? We'll find out, right?

      I'm so happy you've found some comfort here.It sucks that so many of us are dealing with this crap but there is strength in numbers. Even if strength just means knowing we aren't alone :)

  9. Thank you so much for posting this. This is literally my life right now. My husband of 21 years left - every week he has a different reason as to exactly why - and he is a non-existent "father" to my 3 girls. I am sad for him, for the great memories he is missing and the relationship that he could have had with them. Maybe someday he will regret it, but right now (and for the last 20 years, really) his life is all about him. I consider myself blessed to be there every moment and for so much of the "little" stuff in their lives. My kids are all old enough to know their dad has put them low on his list. But I haven't. And I never will. And you should feel that way, too. Your kids are so blessed to have you, and you them. Don't ever forget it. Thank you for being so open with your life. To you it may be venting, but to me personally it feels like advice from an old pal who's been there. :-) God Bless you.

    1. Oh Tiffany. I'm so sorry! Sounds like you are yet another victim of a narcissist. There are so many like us! I'm so glad your girls have you around to keep them safe and loved.

      Do you think they'll ever regret it? I don't know. It would be nice, for our kids, but something tells me if it happens it won't be until way later in the game.

      Thank you for reading, and for your sweet words. ♥

  10. Wow, I read this post yesterday and just keep thinking about it. The part about the "new leaf" especially haunts me. I think men like this can almost see, just beyond their grasp, something of the man they would like to be. But their will is not strong enough; they are not able to truly be loving and giving, though they would LIKE to be. It is really sad.

    I wonder if the second marriage/new baby was his attempt to have a do-over, kind of a way to convince himself that maybe it wasn't him; with THESE NEW people he can be that man he wants to be. The bottom line seems to be that it is, as Tiffany pointed out, all about him.

    The best thing for kids of men like this is to let what he gives be given, but not to expect anything. Keep talking to the kids about how they feel ... it seems to me that they won't carry over his crap into their adult lives and relationships if they have a good grasp and clear vision of how he is, and how they don't want to be. Thankfully, your love and care takes them a long way down the road to healthy lives!

    1. Oh Becky, as usual, you are pretty much spot on. Yes, they can see what kind of person they should be, they'd LIKE to be, but some fatal flaw in their personalities is holding them back from actually becoming that person.

      And absolutely, 100% YES, the new girlfriends/wives/babies are a Do-Over. A Clean Slate, A Second Chance. I don't believe it's to convince themselves that they weren't the problem, I'd bet one of my kidneys it's to show their adoring audience that they were simply "victims" of a bad marriage to a (insert whatever disparaging adjective here: crazy, weak, controlling, cold, bitter, etc), less-than-ideal woman.

      It's always been, and always will be, all about them.

      Talking to the kids about this subject is tricky. I don't want to appear to be manipulative, pot-stirring. But at the same time I want to gauge where they are, mentally, with it. I've already seen them crushed by this man so many times. It would be nice to have some assurance he's not going to do it again but dammit, my kids seems to have inherited their mother's eternal optimism. And that scares me.

      I adore you Becky. Thank you for chiming in and for always being here.

    2. Yes! That "adoring audience" they are always playing to. My ex was like that. For his constructs about himself to hold up, someone else needed to carry the weight of his failures. Remember that optimism serves us well; your kids are fortunate to have it! Keep talking about Dad and what it all means. I'm telling you, that photo of him standing out on the rock speaks volumes that you'll never have to articulate.

  11. I was moved to tears at the conclusion of this post... My goodness... "Its better than nothing; Its better than never". Profound words from and overcomer. Im getting over my divorce, and although there are not children involved in my case.. I too can relate to that image of the man walking off as the smoke and fire erupts.. I've been struggling to let go of the life I thought I would have, and was in postion to have and develop a new future, You have no idea what your words meant in terms of comfort for me today... Thank you. Also I made a movie about my divorce.. check it out sometime and let me know what you think about it.. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=RUt2-_yAlo

    1. Jeena, I'm at work and am watching your movie in bits and pieces :) You are gorgeous and very inspiring :) Thank you for sharing your story.

      Women need to talk about this, and how it affects us. I'm getting so tired of how easily it's swept under the rug and ignored.

      So glad you found comfort here, I'm happy to have "met" you :)

    2. Thanks again... Im so thankful for this blog :-)

  12. Thank you for writing your blog and especially this post. I think I married your ex's twin. He left me for someone else (a baby was already on the way) after 17 years of marriage and two kids. Our children were 6 and 8 at the time. Though I had always worked outside the home, I had a complete financial meltdown and lost our house.

    It's been 5 years, and though we aren't in crisis anymore, my kids and I are still dealing with the fallout. My ex doesn't really seem to understand what he did wrong. At one point he even asked me, "Why can't you just be happy for me?" Five years later, I finally understand that he did ME a favor by leaving, but I don't think I'll ever completely get over how his actions affected our children.

    1. You have to be kidding me. "Why can't you just be happy for me?" Sorry but that makes me laugh. (not at him, of course. WITH YOU!)

      Reminds me of the time my ex gave me a little speech about "moving on". He was in the driveway, leaning up against his little car. We were chatting, which we used to do after he dropped the kids off. Before things got really ugly.

      One of the kids had mentioned something I'd said about their father and his roommate, The Other Woman. Admittedly, I shouldn't have vented within earshot of my kids. But I made mistakes, early on. I still make mistakes, to this day, because I'm a human being and that's what we do.

      So BIg Daddy is standing there, looking all relaxed and mid-lifey. Arms crossed, looking at me and also right through me. He was talking about how the kids needed me to be mature. He told me how I needed to get over it.

      "Look at me, Jenny" he said, unfolding his arms and spreading his hands in front of him, palms up, "I've moved on. You need to do the same"

      At the time I was still in, as you so aptly put it, crisis. Nowhere near the crisis-state I'd live through eventually, but still. I wish I could go back in time, back to that moment and let him know the difference between a man who has carried on an affair, then left his family to be with his affair partner, moving on; and the prospect of the wife he left behind, taking care of the children and the loose ends of their severed life, moving on.

      And now I'm laughing at myself. Because it's sad/hilarious to think anything I could have said would've sunk in or made a difference.

      These men who do this are not like us. They aren't like most human beings. They are missing something important in their brains or hearts or whatever they have that passes for a soul. I believe they are distant (or not so distant) relatives to sociopaths. They have the ability to do bad things without feeling remorse, or, worse yet, to ability to do these bad things and really truly convince themselves that they are the victims. That other people forced their hands.

      It's scary shit. And I think those of us who have been on the receiving end of this treatment need more time than is deemed "normal" to get over it.

      If we ever do, that is. I'm beginning to wonder if I'll ever be completely healed.

      Hugs to you, Leslie, and your sweet babies. I'm so sorry you have had to learn the ways of this life. But I'm glad you're feeling good and are willing to talk about it and share your story.

  13. A man cheats on his wife because he's a selfish, me,me,me, coward....He deserts his children because he doesn't have the balls needed to man-up.....Lucky mistress gets to marry a heartless eunuch. Keep it up Jenny, you're loved.

    1. And I am in love with you for using the word "eunuch". Thank you, anonymous. For the love and the smile :)

  14. Amen, Anonymous. I keep thinking about this post, dang it. A good friend's ex left the kids sitting on the doorstep waiting for him on "his" day, time after time. At sunset, she'd have to drag them into the house and deal with the crushing rejection they felt. She raised three kids from pre-teen to adult with no financial and no parenting help from their father, and when they started to get married, he'd show up at the weddings all "changed man." Saw the light, got religions, etc. etc. But of course ... you simply can't do anything to make up for the lost years, all the big and small moments of their lives. So really, it's always going to be "never." He may bring something to their lives, but it can never be what they've needed all along.

    All three kids happily married, very loving and happy individuals. Thanks to their mom, and a host of supportive friends.

    I have the greatest admiration for this woman, and for you, Jenny, and for all like you both.

    1. You know what, Becky, I have nightmarish visions of their weddings. I know he'll be there, with the shiny faced wife and however many Spawns they produce. And I wonder if I'll be able to just smile and enjoy the day. I know I will, on the outside, because that's what good parents do. They step aside and let their kids shine.

      But inside, I don't know that I'll be able to do anything other than just convince myself to not throw glasses of wine in their faces.

      Oh, and big update since writing this post: Big Daddy invited a couple of the kids to his house for dinner one night last week. And then, invited the same two kids out to see a movie just this weekend.

      The two (yes, TWO!) of the kids he invited to the movie were hesitant to tell me. At first they said they were just going to see "Ant-Man" together, by themselves. And then one of them said, "Actually, mom...dad invited us. To see a movie with him and Spawn. And probably Secretary."

      This is where I dropped the Perfect Parent ball. I should have just said, "Oh, cool! Have fun! I want a full review of the movie when you get back!"

      But, I didn't. I immediately slipped into my Hurt Face, and for whatever reason I became defensive and protective. I made The Face again, and said "Wow. Dinner and a movie, in one week? Sounds like he really likes you". I know. GROW THE EFF UP, JENNY.

      I questioned the sense of someone (someones) for bringing a pre-kindergarten age child to see a Marvel movie. The boys jumped to their father's defense, saying "OMG mom, think of all the movies you used to bring us to! We saw Pirates of the Caribbean when William was like, 7."

      I knew they were right, and I was wrong. I knew my reaction was proof positive that this freaking life lesson in maturity was still ongoing and that I was still barely passing it.

      I went into my room and whispered, "I hope that little bastard cries during the whole movie." That made me feel better.

      So, I'm thinking Big D or his lovely wife are still reading this blog. I'm guessing her, since she apparently does most of the thinking for him. I'm impressed that they/she read what I wrote here and it moved him/her to be more proactive as a parent.

      What I'm not impressed with, nor am I surprised about, is that once again his efforts only included two of the four kids. He/They seem to have set their sights on the two most accepting prospects. The other two are not so eager, so forgiving. And so, once again, my ex-husband (or the Wizard behind the curtain, his partner in crime) has taken one step forward, two steps back in this parenting Red Rover game. "Send the two easy ones over!" is what they're saying.

      Because as we all know by now, you leave the hard parts of parenting in your "To Do Later" pile. At least, that's what some of us do.

    2. Jenny, here's the thing about a eunuch married to his younger mistress.....they don't feel pain from having nothing to dangle because the collar and leash around their neck is so tight. The only reason those two were invited is because you shamed nutless and homewrecker. Your children should thank you, not them for dinner and movies. I've been where your kids are and trust me when I tell you that they will someday know everything that went down. They will love you for everything that you did for them and treat him like a visiting uncle. In the interim tell them to order prime rib and the popcorn bucket. You will always be the Mother who stayed, he will always be the sperm donor who left and she will always be the woman who spread her legs for a married man and destroyed a family unit. Tie any kind of bow on it that you want, your children have a cheater for a father, slore for a stepmother.......and a Mother who loved them enough to stick like gorilla glue. Someday in the future your kids will have MOM tattooed on their arm, and as soon as you get through giving them hell, you'll cut their breath off with a hug.....Keep it up Jenny, you're loved.

  15. Anonymous, name thyself. Then, run for president. You'll have my vote. And you won't need a speechwriter.

    Jenny, when he comes to the weddings, just think of him as Uncle B.I.G.

    Secretary, I hope you are reading very, very carefully.

    1. Thanks Becky, but no desire to be President. They get less respect than a Mother dumped by a no balls husband. Well they do get a nice plane, where as the dumped wife is left with whatever crappy vehicle the deserting husband doesn't want. After reading Jenny's story my blood pressure rose just thinking about her lowlife ex not supporting the children he made. What is it about the area between the legs of a new woman that makes a man forget he fathered four children? He must have been dumb as a rock, with no rocks, to begin with. Here's a fact....all women have vaginas and all men have a penis....it's what you do with them that defines you as a person. When cheater penis meets homewrecker vagina it's a match made in hell. Not fair that the left behind wife and children have to work everyday fighting the flames just to survive. I'm not an idiot , I know that a marriage can have problems, but none that warrant cheating. If you don't want to be there, do it the right way. Why should this wife and her four children have to swim against the currant to get out of the sewage tank just because a selfish husband wants to screw a selfish woman looking for a married man and his checkbook? Although I'm sure that in this case she loved him for the wonderful person he is. ROTFLMAO. It takes a sorry POS to be financially able to, but not help his kids. Got to love it when the deserted wife spends years rebuilding her children's lives after tragedy and when the job is almost done the deserting ex wants to step in and add the pretty flowers out front.......TO HELL WITH THAT..... When the Mother did all of the hard construction to that point, she can also plant the pretty flowers.....surely he knows what he can do with the shovel....Keep it up Jenny, you're loved.

    2. I love you, Anonymous (insert heart-eyed smiley face emoji here).

  16. Hi, thanks for your words of encouragement.My husband has just left me and our 7 year old daughter for a tramp and it hurts like hell.One minute I'm sad and the next angry.I'm all over the place.What I have found difficult is that he still wants the 3 of us to go on our prebooked holiday.The start of this coincides with our wedding anniversary!Apparently the tart has given permission for us all to go! I don't think that it would be good to go though as even though the 3 of us have been to this place before and enjoyed ourselves it will really hurt when he leaves us after the holiday.I feel awful letting our daughter down though x

  17. Vicky......Tell your cheating ex that you would rather spend your holiday nailing jelly to a tree than be with him. Let him know what he can do with those crumbs that he's throwing your way and then take your daughter on a great vacation. He can spend the week picking cuddies off his nasty tramp.....Know this, you are better than he is and you don't need his pity or handouts. Stand with you back to a mirror, turn your head around and look behind you.....that is your spine....make friends with it.....now look a little lower....that's your ass.....tell him to kiss it. Jenny has survived with four kids while dealing with an asshole cheater ex and so will you.......Keep on keeping on, you are loved.


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