tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7377914227915645124.post5892455912271087770..comments2024-02-23T10:00:32.673-06:00Comments on the happy hausfrau: Is Late Really Better Than Never?the_happy_hausfrauhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07372773477740551839noreply@blogger.comBlogger39125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7377914227915645124.post-71950592567679292942015-07-27T20:14:41.095-05:002015-07-27T20:14:41.095-05:00Vicky......Tell your cheating ex that you would ra...Vicky......Tell your cheating ex that you would rather spend your holiday nailing jelly to a tree than be with him. Let him know what he can do with those crumbs that he's throwing your way and then take your daughter on a great vacation. He can spend the week picking cuddies off his nasty tramp.....Know this, you are better than he is and you don't need his pity or handouts. Stand with you back to a mirror, turn your head around and look behind you.....that is your spine....make friends with it.....now look a little lower....that's your ass.....tell him to kiss it. Jenny has survived with four kids while dealing with an asshole cheater ex and so will you.......Keep on keeping on, you are loved.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7377914227915645124.post-79244310220797189732015-07-26T19:13:27.653-05:002015-07-26T19:13:27.653-05:00Hi, thanks for your words of encouragement.My husb...Hi, thanks for your words of encouragement.My husband has just left me and our 7 year old daughter for a tramp and it hurts like hell.One minute I'm sad and the next angry.I'm all over the place.What I have found difficult is that he still wants the 3 of us to go on our prebooked holiday.The start of this coincides with our wedding anniversary!Apparently the tart has given permission for us all to go! I don't think that it would be good to go though as even though the 3 of us have been to this place before and enjoyed ourselves it will really hurt when he leaves us after the holiday.I feel awful letting our daughter down though xVickynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7377914227915645124.post-62079960002965434802015-07-22T09:46:29.013-05:002015-07-22T09:46:29.013-05:00Smooches :)Smooches :)the_happy_hausfrauhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07372773477740551839noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7377914227915645124.post-77467506888265496322015-07-22T09:46:10.936-05:002015-07-22T09:46:10.936-05:00I love you, Anonymous (insert heart-eyed smiley fa...I love you, Anonymous (insert heart-eyed smiley face emoji here).the_happy_hausfrauhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07372773477740551839noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7377914227915645124.post-5660344724272404812015-07-22T08:57:54.944-05:002015-07-22T08:57:54.944-05:00Thanks Becky, but no desire to be President. They ...Thanks Becky, but no desire to be President. They get less respect than a Mother dumped by a no balls husband. Well they do get a nice plane, where as the dumped wife is left with whatever crappy vehicle the deserting husband doesn't want. After reading Jenny's story my blood pressure rose just thinking about her lowlife ex not supporting the children he made. What is it about the area between the legs of a new woman that makes a man forget he fathered four children? He must have been dumb as a rock, with no rocks, to begin with. Here's a fact....all women have vaginas and all men have a penis....it's what you do with them that defines you as a person. When cheater penis meets homewrecker vagina it's a match made in hell. Not fair that the left behind wife and children have to work everyday fighting the flames just to survive. I'm not an idiot , I know that a marriage can have problems, but none that warrant cheating. If you don't want to be there, do it the right way. Why should this wife and her four children have to swim against the currant to get out of the sewage tank just because a selfish husband wants to screw a selfish woman looking for a married man and his checkbook? Although I'm sure that in this case she loved him for the wonderful person he is. ROTFLMAO. It takes a sorry POS to be financially able to, but not help his kids. Got to love it when the deserted wife spends years rebuilding her children's lives after tragedy and when the job is almost done the deserting ex wants to step in and add the pretty flowers out front.......TO HELL WITH THAT..... When the Mother did all of the hard construction to that point, she can also plant the pretty flowers.....surely he knows what he can do with the shovel....Keep it up Jenny, you're loved. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7377914227915645124.post-52489725680788098742015-07-22T08:41:55.299-05:002015-07-22T08:41:55.299-05:00<3<3Whitneyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07636206212678194409noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7377914227915645124.post-49838320075880108272015-07-19T22:25:09.911-05:002015-07-19T22:25:09.911-05:00Anonymous, name thyself. Then, run for president....Anonymous, name thyself. Then, run for president. You'll have my vote. And you won't need a speechwriter. <br /><br />Jenny, when he comes to the weddings, just think of him as Uncle B.I.G.<br /><br />Secretary, I hope you are reading very, very carefully.Beckyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08542352732125805441noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7377914227915645124.post-85899169743746454312015-07-19T14:26:02.243-05:002015-07-19T14:26:02.243-05:00Jenny, here's the thing about a eunuch married...Jenny, here's the thing about a eunuch married to his younger mistress.....they don't feel pain from having nothing to dangle because the collar and leash around their neck is so tight. The only reason those two were invited is because you shamed nutless and homewrecker. Your children should thank you, not them for dinner and movies. I've been where your kids are and trust me when I tell you that they will someday know everything that went down. They will love you for everything that you did for them and treat him like a visiting uncle. In the interim tell them to order prime rib and the popcorn bucket. You will always be the Mother who stayed, he will always be the sperm donor who left and she will always be the woman who spread her legs for a married man and destroyed a family unit. Tie any kind of bow on it that you want, your children have a cheater for a father, slore for a stepmother.......and a Mother who loved them enough to stick like gorilla glue. Someday in the future your kids will have MOM tattooed on their arm, and as soon as you get through giving them hell, you'll cut their breath off with a hug.....Keep it up Jenny, you're loved.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7377914227915645124.post-16353148965362279012015-07-19T07:52:12.300-05:002015-07-19T07:52:12.300-05:00You know what, Becky, I have nightmarish visions o...You know what, Becky, I have nightmarish visions of their weddings. I know he'll be there, with the shiny faced wife and however many Spawns they produce. And I wonder if I'll be able to just smile and enjoy the day. I know I will, on the outside, because that's what good parents do. They step aside and let their kids shine. <br /><br />But inside, I don't know that I'll be able to do anything other than just convince myself to not throw glasses of wine in their faces.<br /><br />Oh, and big update since writing this post: Big Daddy invited a couple of the kids to his house for dinner one night last week. And then, invited the same two kids out to see a movie just this weekend.<br /><br />The two (yes, TWO!) of the kids he invited to the movie were hesitant to tell me. At first they said they were just going to see "Ant-Man" together, by themselves. And then one of them said, "Actually, mom...dad invited us. To see a movie with him and Spawn. And probably Secretary."<br /><br />This is where I dropped the Perfect Parent ball. I should have just said, "Oh, cool! Have fun! I want a full review of the movie when you get back!"<br /><br />But, I didn't. I immediately slipped into my Hurt Face, and for whatever reason I became defensive and protective. I made The Face again, and said "Wow. Dinner and a movie, in one week? Sounds like he really likes you". I know. GROW THE EFF UP, JENNY.<br /><br />I questioned the sense of someone (someones) for bringing a pre-kindergarten age child to see a Marvel movie. The boys jumped to their father's defense, saying "OMG mom, think of all the movies you used to bring us to! We saw Pirates of the Caribbean when William was like, 7." <br /><br />I knew they were right, and I was wrong. I knew my reaction was proof positive that this freaking life lesson in maturity was still ongoing and that I was still barely passing it.<br /><br />I went into my room and whispered, "I hope that little bastard cries during the whole movie." That made me feel better. <br /><br />So, I'm thinking Big D or his lovely wife are still reading this blog. I'm guessing her, since she apparently does most of the thinking for him. I'm impressed that they/she read what I wrote here and it moved him/her to be more proactive as a parent.<br /><br />What I'm not impressed with, nor am I surprised about, is that once again his efforts only included two of the four kids. He/They seem to have set their sights on the two most accepting prospects. The other two are not so eager, so forgiving. And so, once again, my ex-husband (or the Wizard behind the curtain, his partner in crime) has taken one step forward, two steps back in this parenting Red Rover game. "Send the two easy ones over!" is what they're saying. <br /><br />Because as we all know by now, you leave the hard parts of parenting in your "To Do Later" pile. At least, that's what some of us do. <br /><br />the_happy_hausfrauhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07372773477740551839noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7377914227915645124.post-7833503026241483652015-07-19T07:37:20.865-05:002015-07-19T07:37:20.865-05:00And I am in love with you for using the word "...And I am in love with you for using the word "eunuch". Thank you, anonymous. For the love and the smile :) the_happy_hausfrauhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07372773477740551839noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7377914227915645124.post-56209431051690986712015-07-19T07:33:47.744-05:002015-07-19T07:33:47.744-05:00You have to be kidding me. "Why can't you...You have to be kidding me. "Why can't you just be happy for me?" Sorry but that makes me laugh. (not at him, of course. WITH YOU!)<br /><br />Reminds me of the time my ex gave me a little speech about "moving on". He was in the driveway, leaning up against his little car. We were chatting, which we used to do after he dropped the kids off. Before things got really ugly.<br /><br />One of the kids had mentioned something I'd said about their father and his roommate, The Other Woman. Admittedly, I shouldn't have vented within earshot of my kids. But I made mistakes, early on. I still make mistakes, to this day, because I'm a human being and that's what we do.<br /><br />So BIg Daddy is standing there, looking all relaxed and mid-lifey. Arms crossed, looking at me and also right through me. He was talking about how the kids needed me to be mature. He told me how I needed to get over it. <br /><br />"Look at me, Jenny" he said, unfolding his arms and spreading his hands in front of him, palms up, "I've moved on. You need to do the same"<br /><br />At the time I was still in, as you so aptly put it, crisis. Nowhere near the crisis-state I'd live through eventually, but still. I wish I could go back in time, back to that moment and let him know the difference between a man who has carried on an affair, then left his family to be with his affair partner, moving on; and the prospect of the wife he left behind, taking care of the children and the loose ends of their severed life, moving on. <br /><br />And now I'm laughing at myself. Because it's sad/hilarious to think anything I could have said would've sunk in or made a difference.<br /><br />These men who do this are not like us. They aren't like most human beings. They are missing something important in their brains or hearts or whatever they have that passes for a soul. I believe they are distant (or not so distant) relatives to sociopaths. They have the ability to do bad things without feeling remorse, or, worse yet, to ability to do these bad things and really truly convince themselves that they are the victims. That other people forced their hands. <br /><br />It's scary shit. And I think those of us who have been on the receiving end of this treatment need more time than is deemed "normal" to get over it.<br /><br />If we ever do, that is. I'm beginning to wonder if I'll ever be completely healed. <br /><br />Hugs to you, Leslie, and your sweet babies. I'm so sorry you have had to learn the ways of this life. But I'm glad you're feeling good and are willing to talk about it and share your story.<br /><br />the_happy_hausfrauhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07372773477740551839noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7377914227915645124.post-32006796355437490382015-07-18T23:00:24.275-05:002015-07-18T23:00:24.275-05:00Amen, Anonymous. I keep thinking about this post,...Amen, Anonymous. I keep thinking about this post, dang it. A good friend's ex left the kids sitting on the doorstep waiting for him on "his" day, time after time. At sunset, she'd have to drag them into the house and deal with the crushing rejection they felt. She raised three kids from pre-teen to adult with no financial and no parenting help from their father, and when they started to get married, he'd show up at the weddings all "changed man." Saw the light, got religions, etc. etc. But of course ... you simply can't do anything to make up for the lost years, all the big and small moments of their lives. So really, it's always going to be "never." He may bring something to their lives, but it can never be what they've needed all along.<br /><br />All three kids happily married, very loving and happy individuals. Thanks to their mom, and a host of supportive friends. <br /><br />I have the greatest admiration for this woman, and for you, Jenny, and for all like you both. Beckyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08542352732125805441noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7377914227915645124.post-9083292002833154642015-07-17T18:50:36.962-05:002015-07-17T18:50:36.962-05:00A man cheats on his wife because he's a selfis...A man cheats on his wife because he's a selfish, me,me,me, coward....He deserts his children because he doesn't have the balls needed to man-up.....Lucky mistress gets to marry a heartless eunuch. Keep it up Jenny, you're loved.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7377914227915645124.post-516550630278982072015-07-16T13:11:47.222-05:002015-07-16T13:11:47.222-05:00Thank you for writing your blog and especially thi...Thank you for writing your blog and especially this post. I think I married your ex's twin. He left me for someone else (a baby was already on the way) after 17 years of marriage and two kids. Our children were 6 and 8 at the time. Though I had always worked outside the home, I had a complete financial meltdown and lost our house. <br /><br />It's been 5 years, and though we aren't in crisis anymore, my kids and I are still dealing with the fallout. My ex doesn't really seem to understand what he did wrong. At one point he even asked me, "Why can't you just be happy for me?" Five years later, I finally understand that he did ME a favor by leaving, but I don't think I'll ever completely get over how his actions affected our children.Leslienoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7377914227915645124.post-31078223117096719952015-07-15T12:08:36.284-05:002015-07-15T12:08:36.284-05:00Yes! That "adoring audience" they are a...Yes! That "adoring audience" they are always playing to. My ex was like that. For his constructs about himself to hold up, someone else needed to carry the weight of his failures. Remember that optimism serves us well; your kids are fortunate to have it! Keep talking about Dad and what it all means. I'm telling you, that photo of him standing out on the rock speaks volumes that you'll never have to articulate.Beckyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08542352732125805441noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7377914227915645124.post-81352336624098263172015-07-14T20:37:41.727-05:002015-07-14T20:37:41.727-05:00Bitterness on your part is SO normal and natural u...Bitterness on your part is SO normal and natural under the circs. And you are, like I've said many times, one of my she-roes for your generosity and unselfishness in taking the high road here. That is HARD. Makes me sad, too, that the kids should have to wonder so much whether their dad truly cares about them and wants to be with them. But I really think that bright side, in a twisted kind of way, is that he's provided them a negative role model for how NOT to be if/when they are partners and parents themselves. (And you're providing them a positive one.) Kind of like my dad, who was abused as a child, promised himself that if he had kids himself he would treat them the OPPOSITE of how his parents treated him -- and he absolutely succeeded at that with me. Because of their dad's behavior I would not be surprised at all if your boys have thought "I will NEVER do anything like that to my wife and kids if I have them." And while Molly might have trust issues here and there (or she may not...it isn't inevitable), I'm guessing she probably also has developed very high standards for her relationships with guys. And all four of your kids have seen so much strength and love for them in you that that will guide them, too! XOXOJCShttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18206618987380198579noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7377914227915645124.post-22144131857570165502015-07-14T08:22:01.418-05:002015-07-14T08:22:01.418-05:00Thanks again... Im so thankful for this blog :-)Thanks again... Im so thankful for this blog :-)Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08735931489032757314noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7377914227915645124.post-22311915338105329472015-07-14T07:21:59.049-05:002015-07-14T07:21:59.049-05:00Jeena, I'm at work and am watching your movie ...Jeena, I'm at work and am watching your movie in bits and pieces :) You are gorgeous and very inspiring :) Thank you for sharing your story. <br /><br />Women need to talk about this, and how it affects us. I'm getting so tired of how easily it's swept under the rug and ignored. <br /><br />So glad you found comfort here, I'm happy to have "met" you :)the_happy_hausfrauhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07372773477740551839noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7377914227915645124.post-63042298128438462102015-07-14T06:58:20.670-05:002015-07-14T06:58:20.670-05:00Oh Becky, as usual, you are pretty much spot on. Y...Oh Becky, as usual, you are pretty much spot on. Yes, they can see what kind of person they should be, they'd LIKE to be, but some fatal flaw in their personalities is holding them back from actually becoming that person.<br /><br />And absolutely, 100% YES, the new girlfriends/wives/babies are a Do-Over. A Clean Slate, A Second Chance. I don't believe it's to convince themselves that they weren't the problem, I'd bet one of my kidneys it's to show their adoring audience that they were simply "victims" of a bad marriage to a (insert whatever disparaging adjective here: crazy, weak, controlling, cold, bitter, etc), less-than-ideal woman. <br /><br />It's always been, and always will be, all about them. <br /><br />Talking to the kids about this subject is tricky. I don't want to appear to be manipulative, pot-stirring. But at the same time I want to gauge where they are, mentally, with it. I've already seen them crushed by this man so many times. It would be nice to have some assurance he's not going to do it again but dammit, my kids seems to have inherited their mother's eternal optimism. And that scares me. <br /><br />I adore you Becky. Thank you for chiming in and for always being here.<br /><br />the_happy_hausfrauhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07372773477740551839noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7377914227915645124.post-59917774941393404942015-07-14T06:51:45.804-05:002015-07-14T06:51:45.804-05:00Oh Tiffany. I'm so sorry! Sounds like you are ...Oh Tiffany. I'm so sorry! Sounds like you are yet another victim of a narcissist. There are so many like us! I'm so glad your girls have you around to keep them safe and loved. <br /><br />Do you think they'll ever regret it? I don't know. It would be nice, for our kids, but something tells me if it happens it won't be until way later in the game. <br /><br />Thank you for reading, and for your sweet words. ♥the_happy_hausfrauhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07372773477740551839noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7377914227915645124.post-37023846040763961822015-07-13T11:37:51.387-05:002015-07-13T11:37:51.387-05:00I was moved to tears at the conclusion of this pos...I was moved to tears at the conclusion of this post... My goodness... "Its better than nothing; Its better than never". Profound words from and overcomer. Im getting over my divorce, and although there are not children involved in my case.. I too can relate to that image of the man walking off as the smoke and fire erupts.. I've been struggling to let go of the life I thought I would have, and was in postion to have and develop a new future, You have no idea what your words meant in terms of comfort for me today... Thank you. Also I made a movie about my divorce.. check it out sometime and let me know what you think about it.. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=RUt2-_yAloAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08735931489032757314noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7377914227915645124.post-26498126749388367802015-07-11T23:16:44.037-05:002015-07-11T23:16:44.037-05:00Wow, I read this post yesterday and just keep thin...Wow, I read this post yesterday and just keep thinking about it. The part about the "new leaf" especially haunts me. I think men like this can almost see, just beyond their grasp, something of the man they would like to be. But their will is not strong enough; they are not able to truly be loving and giving, though they would LIKE to be. It is really sad.<br /><br />I wonder if the second marriage/new baby was his attempt to have a do-over, kind of a way to convince himself that maybe it wasn't him; with THESE NEW people he can be that man he wants to be. The bottom line seems to be that it is, as Tiffany pointed out, all about him. <br /><br />The best thing for kids of men like this is to let what he gives be given, but not to expect anything. Keep talking to the kids about how they feel ... it seems to me that they won't carry over his crap into their adult lives and relationships if they have a good grasp and clear vision of how he is, and how they don't want to be. Thankfully, your love and care takes them a long way down the road to healthy lives!Beckyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08542352732125805441noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7377914227915645124.post-90160219392059216662015-07-09T10:38:07.955-05:002015-07-09T10:38:07.955-05:00Thank you so much for posting this. This is liter...Thank you so much for posting this. This is literally my life right now. My husband of 21 years left - every week he has a different reason as to exactly why - and he is a non-existent "father" to my 3 girls. I am sad for him, for the great memories he is missing and the relationship that he could have had with them. Maybe someday he will regret it, but right now (and for the last 20 years, really) his life is all about him. I consider myself blessed to be there every moment and for so much of the "little" stuff in their lives. My kids are all old enough to know their dad has put them low on his list. But I haven't. And I never will. And you should feel that way, too. Your kids are so blessed to have you, and you them. Don't ever forget it. Thank you for being so open with your life. To you it may be venting, but to me personally it feels like advice from an old pal who's been there. :-) God Bless you.Tiffanyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14645857218422330673noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7377914227915645124.post-71242275744480835672015-07-09T08:59:16.247-05:002015-07-09T08:59:16.247-05:00Oh Jenna. It really is sad, isn't it?
I hope...Oh Jenna. It really is sad, isn't it? <br /><br />I hope, for our kid's sakes, that there is no such thing as "too late". But the reality is, they've missed out on so much. Can you ever make up for lost time? We'll find out, right?<br /><br />I'm so happy you've found some comfort here.It sucks that so many of us are dealing with this crap but there is strength in numbers. Even if strength just means knowing we aren't alone :)the_happy_hausfrauhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07372773477740551839noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7377914227915645124.post-52339447484538877652015-07-09T08:56:52.744-05:002015-07-09T08:56:52.744-05:00Hi Zara! You know, one of my friends says somethin...Hi Zara! You know, one of my friends says something very similar to this: "why do you continue to hope he's going to change?". I guess it's just optimism or maybe, stupidity. I keep thinking the guy I fell in love with is still in there. But as time drags on it's becoming pretty obvious he's not.<br /><br />Thank you so much for reading, and for your kind words. the_happy_hausfrauhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07372773477740551839noreply@blogger.com