The Lamest Blog Giveaway in the History of Blog Giveaways

Let me start by saying this: I am SO not a giveaway kind of person. Not knocking those who do them, honestly. But it's not in my nature to be all "Hey this week I have two Renuzit air fresheners to give away to some lucky gal!". I myself am actually too lazy to even register for any of those giveaways. I find the instructions and the steps either too time consuming or too confusing. Usually a combination of those two things. Do you know how long it took me to figure out how to get a URL for a Tweet? HOURS. And I didn't even win that one.

So I look at giveaways with a very "not my cup of tea" view. Until today. 

You might remember that about a month ago, I headed to the wild woods of Wisconsin to help my BFF convalesce at her cabin. She crushed her ankle doing a 5K/Mud Run up there, so her sister and I took a few days off from work and real life to help our beloved Michelle heal. 

And we may have had a few cocktails while we were at it.

Little known fact about me: Despite my current size, I am a lightweight when it comes to the drinkies. When discussing my lack of tolerance for booze, I love to reference my second favorite Dorothy Parker quote:

I like to have a martini,
Two at the very most.
After three I'm under the table
after four, I'm under the host

My best friend and her evil twin sister (have I mentioned that they are identical twins?) are totally NOT lightweights. These girls can put it away like sailors on shore leave. Many times I have had a few cocktails with them, retired for a nap, and after waking up a few hours later found them still cackling the night away. 

They know me. They know that I'm good until about 10:30. Maybe midnight if I've had a coffee in the afternoon. And usually they respect my inability to stay the course, they let me snooze peacefully on the couch or wherever I have decided to curl up and call it a day.

Apparently when one of them is injured, however, they turn mean. 

This time, after a couple rounds of martinis, I fell asleep on my special section of the cabin couch. And that's when Thing One and Thing Two got crafty. And mean.

Aside from recording my snoring, they also got creative and made a beautiful mustache out of cardboard. They found blankets and a hat and dressed me up. I'm sure they were laughing hysterically. 

Here's the look they were going for:

This is the real deal: Pancho Villa.

Okay. Maybe I'm giving my girlfriends a little too much credit. This may actually be the look they were hoping to achieve:

If you have liked my Facebook page, you know what happened. While I dreamed the dreams of a slightly tipsy middle aged woman, my cruel friends did this to me:

They even captioned it! Please ignore the Tostitos and queso binge evidence in the background.

Luckily for them, I have a sense of humor. I have to admit, I guffawed when I saw this. I was more horrified about my snoring being recorded, to be honest.

Now, if this was most people, Gringo Jenny would have ridden off into the sunset, becoming nothing more than a funny story we bring up now and then. And maybe I'd make "gringojenny" my name on Ruzzle. 

Oh, but we aren't dealing with most people here. My bestie and her twin sister carried it one step further. 

THEY HAD MAGNETS MADE. Yes, big huge 4 x 6 refrigerator magnets bearing the lovely image of yours truly all mustachioed up. They've passed them out to just about everyone we know. It's all over my school. Teachers have come up to me and said, "Hey, Michelle showed me a great picture of you!". 

Have I mentioned my sense of humor? The twins are lucky I have one.

I now also have a plethora of Gringo Jenny magnets, which my kids are loving. Evidence of which is seen below in a shot of our tiny Barbie Dream House-size fridge:

I don't need five of these. Really, I don't need any. 


Would you like to have a Gringo Jenny magnet for your refrigerator? They also stick on cars. And metal garbage cans. 


Leave a comment. I don't care what you say. You can tell me what the weather is like in your neck of the woods. You can tell me something horrifying that your best friends have done to you while you slept. You can tell me that "hey, Gringo Jenny, when you're sleeping, that big crack between your eyes doesn't look so bad!". Whatever.

After a few days (or when I realize that nobody is ever going to comment on this one), I'll do one of those random number generator things and pick a couple "winners". If nobody comments, I will hunt a few of you down and FORCE you to take one. So go ahead and comment. Don't make me do that.

Adios, amigos. 


  1. Excuse me?
    Ok, first of all, I'm not sure I would classify you as a lightweight. Although maybe olives have some sort of magical powers when it comes to processing alcohol. I would be choking on my own vomit if I had to try to keep up with the twins. God, I love them.
    And secondly, I know I haven't seen you in ages, because I do not own one of those magnets. I'm borderline offended.
    Get me one, stat!

  2. First time commenting on your blog and boy, oh boy, am I glad I chose today! I'd love to say something truly witty and wonderful but I'm working from home today and need to make another cup of coffee before I decide to take a nap. ;) Would LOVE to have a Jenny magnet..and would LOVE to have friends like yours who must keep life interesting!

  3. Me first! I need to see your face every day when I am refilling my Dr Pepper! <3

    1. Wesley you won! Fair and square, LOL.

      Send me your address either at happyhausfrau@comcast.net or on the facebook. xoxoxo

  4. You have seen my fridge replete with its many magnets.I can promise that, were I to be graced with a Gringo Jenny magnet, no one would ever notice it amid all the visual clutter.

  5. I think instead of lamest giveaway you meant to say most awesome giveaway ever! I mean, who couldn't use an extra magnet? My fridge is covered with them. You have awesome friends. They really go the extra mile ;)

  6. Took a break from work needing a laugh - you always deliver. :-) thanks.

  7. Is it strange that I kind of really want one? It's funny, yes. But actually it's just because your blog has meant a lot to me in the past few months and I would like to see a reminder everyday that so many fun times can be had even after going through a lot of pain. Maybe you should sell these? ;) Your friends remind me of mine back home. I think it's great that you are always careful to talk about what a huge gift it has been the past years to have such great friends. It's something I miss being so far from home. All the best!

    1. You won Tiffany! Send me your address at happyhausfrau@comcast.net and I'll send this beauty.

  8. My daughter just drew a picture of our family and I've got no extra magnets with which to hang this latest masterpiece. Gimme one.

    Also, I've only had one trick played on me whilst sleeping: I was about 8, at a slumber party. I was the first to fall asleep. The other girls stole my underwear, put them in the freezer, and shook salt and pepper in my privates. I woke up with fire-crotch, and no I don't mean red pubic hair. It fucking HURT.

    I'm STILL mad at those girls.

  9. Our fridge NEEDS a Gringo Jenny magnet, sister!! (Pretty please.) I think this is a pretty damn cool giveaway, myself...And compared to me, you can handle your liquor! I'm usually pretty buzzed after just one. (I shudder to think of the shape I'd be in if I tried to keep up with the twins...yikes. Good thing I didn't know them in my 20s, when I might actually have tried to...!)
    By the way, this is probably a very stupid question, but why are martinis with olives and the juice considered "dirty"? Is it just because they aren't clear?
    By the way, part 2: how's Michelle's ankle?

  10. Love you & your blogs, Gringo Jenny!

  11. I'd be honored to have one! Those are some good friends you've got.

  12. Love it u started my day with a laugh! And your gringo magnet would go great with my selection of leftover magnets having inherited my dads old frig and all of those old magnets complete with Pres Bush (2), six old leftover alphabet letters, one broken chip bag magnet holder, and the free magnet of your local super attorney who sticks his advertising magnet onto the front of each phone book in your particular area. Thx for the laugh !

  13. I think you need to Google the definition of lame, because this is definitely not lame. I would rather win a magnet picture of a woman I don't personally know passed out and dressed up like a gringo than a free pair of glasses or nail polish. You have some amazing friends, and I am envious, and this is awesome. The weather here is spastic, my husband's grandmother has George Washington hair according to my 9-year-old daughter, I can't wait to get off work so I can unbutton my pants and breathe again, and I have eaten way too much candy corn in the past week. The end.

  14. I just found your blog from Scary Mommy. The post on there was really great as is this one.
    I would love a magnet! Now I'm off to the salon to get rid of my real mustache.
    Good times!

  15. Replies
    1. You won one! Send me an email at: happyhausfrau@comcast.net with your address and Gringo Jenny will be on her drunken way.

  16. Pick me, pick me! I love reading your blog Jenny! My sister Erin (who you work with) passed it along to me. I greatly appreciate your transparent writing!

  17. I want one!

    askandilltell86 at aol.com


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