Five Things: The Blog Version of a Chain Letter (but not as creepy)

Am I dating myself by using the term "chain letter"? For you younger babes, it's like those emails you get from your cousins or coworkers, that are all sweetness and light but at the end there is an ominous line about how if you don't forward it to at least FIVE of your friends, your children will suffer and you might get a disease. 

Believe it or not, back in the olden days? We used to actually get paper letters, delivered by the MAIL MAN. People used to write them out by hand and then go through their Lisa Frank address books and pick out friends to send them to. I was a very superstitious girl (I thought for sure I wouldn't make it through my 13th year) so you can bet your sweet buns I kept the chain going.  

And I haven't changed much since then. My blog buddy Kristen at Abandoning Pretense tagged me in her post, and even though there was no threat of bodily harm I am totally keeping this chain going. I'll try to bring the funny, people. Here we go:

Five Things I Have A Passion For

1. My kids. They are on my mind 24/7. I worry, I fret, I boast, I love. Making sure they are taken care of is my number one passion. And even as they grow up and out of my grasp, I find that passion is still there. I'm okay with that.

2. Helping women in the throes of divorce. As I drift farther away from the fresh muck of being divorced, I find myself losing touch with what it was like at the beginning. Sometimes I forget that the reason I started writing was to help ladies get through it. I spent this morning responding to comments on one of my most-read posts, "What To Do When Your Husband Leaves You, Part Two" and it re-lit that fire beneath me. It sickens me that so many women find themselves here...and I want to do whatever I can to help them get through it. Hear me roar, baby!

3. Reading. I don't do enough of it. 

4. Your kids. Everyone's kids. All kids. I love children and I will do whatever I can to make sure that when they are in my care, they feel loved and important. Whether it's spending an hour on the floor playing with Legos, or reading SkippyJon Jones over and over...I'll do it. 90% of these kids won't remember me. But they'll remember being loved and they will remember feeling like they mattered. 

5. Ruzzle. I wish I was kidding. My old profile doesn't work with my new phone so if you want to get Ruzzling with me, I'm gringojenny. I don't play as often as I used to, because this "work" thing is so freaking time consuming...but I'll play. 

Five Things I'd Like To Do Before I Die

1. Get into shape. I'm fat right now, and my self-loathing is at an all-time high. I just spent an hour on the Old Navy Plus Size website (they don't sell fat clothes in the store, you know, because god forbid the fatties darken their actual doors). Bottom line is, I need to workout more. Eat less/exercise more. It's not rocket science, right? Sigh.

2. Get my book published. 

3. Buy my own house. I love this rental house, and I love my angel/landlord Dave and his awesome wife. But sometimes I miss being able to say "I own this." Granted, when the dryer breaks or the roof leaks or there's two feet of snow in the driveway, it's nice to be the renter. I picture myself with a charming little Cape Cod, fenced yard and of course, a screened in porch. Will it ever happen? Who knows. 

4. Make sweet, sweet love to Louis C.K. Or just get a whiff of his musk. Sorry..I even made myself sick with this one. But, truth.

5. Have a better relationship with my Dad. We've made progress, but not enough. I want to be able to call him up and just talk. I miss him so much.

Five Things I Say A Lot:

1. "Shut up". I say this in conversation, like someone will say "OMG, there are some Paula Deen pans on clearance at Target!" and I'll say, "Shut up!". I hate that. Trying to stop it.

2. "I wrote a blog post about that once!" I say this ALL THE TIME. Guess what Jenny? You've written blog posts about everything. Giant bowel movements, sex and segways, every television show EVER. Get over it.

3. "My diet starts tomorrow." 

4. "I should...(insert pretty much anything here)". My shoulds do become dids, but not as often as I'd like. Need to work on that one.

5. "I love you".  I like this one. Not gonna change it.

Five Books I've Read Lately

1. Glennon Melton's "Carry on Warrior". I'll admit to being crazy envious of Glennon. And I'll also admit that sometimes she can grate on my nerves with all of the "you got this, mama" stuff. But she writes a good essay and she's comforting like buttery mashed potatoes.

2. Warren Hanson's "The Next Place". My go-to book that I buy for anyone who has experienced a loss. It's a fabulous inspirational book, filled with gorgeous imagery and simple phrases. I love that it's not aimed at any religion, so people of any faith can get comfort from it. I want parts of it read at my funeral. 

3. "Spark" by John J. Ratey. I read this for work, and I ended up loving it. It really pulls back the curtain on exercise and how ESSENTIAL it is for all of us: to learn, to be happy, and to live a long healthy life. We need to move, people. 

4. "Little Children" by Tom Perrotta. I caught the movie version on HBO one late night, and ended up finding the book at a thrift store not long after. It weaves several tales into one well-written story...growing up, parenting, sex, adultery and oh yeah, there's a pedophile in here too. The movie had me in tears, so did the book. 

5. "What To Do When Your Husband Leaves You" by me. I read and re-read this one, trying to hone it, get it just right so that some agent falls in love with it and me and it goes on to become a best selling memoir and then a saucy series on Showtime. One of my awesome readers, Salish (her posting name) has been advising me and holding my (internet) hand. I have told her this ad nauseum but she's kept me going when I want to give up.

Five Favorite Movies

1. Duh. Shawshank Redemption. Sexy Tim Robbins and Morgan Freeman.

2. Serendipity with dreamy John Cusack. If I find it on t.v.? I'm stopping, dropping and watching. Even better with some Red Vines. 

3. Sideways. Love me some Paul Giamatti. Especially when he's depressed. And there's wine around.

4. 13 Going on 30. Shut up! I love this movie. Mark Ruffalo AND Jennifer Garner? Win/win. 

5. Die Hard. Yippee ki yay, mother effer. 1988: Bruce Willis wasn't old and neither was I. The action movie that got me hooked on action movies. Plus, hello, Hans Gruber!

Five Places I'd Like To Travel

1. Ireland.

2. Someplace warm and oceany. With my kids. They've never had a real vacation.

3. Thailand. Oh to get my hands on some real pad thai! I'm drooling. 

4. New York City. At Christmastime. 

5. Tie between Greece and Australia. 

Five Pages That I Love

1. The Bitchy Waiter He's a gay waiter from New York who bitches about his job. What's not to love?

2. Suburban Correspondent She has 6 kids and is still married to their father. She makes me feel less crazy and always has something nice to say.

3.  Nina Badzin's Blog Nina and I met when we were chosen to be part of the inaugural Twin Cities Listen To Your Mother Show. I liked her the first time I talked to her. She's good people.

4. Up Popped A Fox Vikki is another friend I made through Listen To Your Mother. She wrote me a little note after all was said and done, and I kept it because it was so beautiful. She's a good mom and might I add, has the most lovely silver tresses. 

5. Last but definitely not least...my sweet lady friend Lisa Allen at Back To Allen. How did we meet up, Lisa?? Was it Twitter? I can't even remember but this I do know: my friendship with Lisa is a special one and anytime somebody says "Internet relationships aren't real" I want them to come over and eat some of the homemade sauces she sent me. If sending someone three jars of heavenly condiments doesn't say friendship, I don't know what does. Love you Lisa!

There are so many more blogs I love: Heather at the EO, Kelly O'SullivanGalit Breen, Darcy PurduThe Bearded Iris, Reedster Speaks, Mandy Fish, and to keep with the fish theme, TwisterfishMamaMubba...and my friend Whitney who first suggested I start a blog. If I've left you out, I'm super sorry. I could go on and on and now the "who did I leave out" guilt is going to kill me.

Okay then. There. I've done my part in keeping the chain alive. Now I think I'm supposed to go inform everyone else that they've been tagged. Which I will do eventually. Right now I've got some back to school shopping to do.

Thanks for reading, and I promise that the next thing I write won't be such a narcissistic blather-fest.


  1. You made me sound so boring! Not a word about the vomit and the mice?

    Although once someone described my blog as endearing. Now THAT was hard to live down.

    1. Not boring at all!! I love reading your stuff. Even the stuff about vomit.

      You are very real. Does that sound boring?? It's not!

  2. Oh, and I DO remember chain letters. Whenever someone posts that stupid "If you really care about (fill in the blank), you'll repost this (whatever)," I think of them.

    1. Passive aggressiveness at its finest. How about, "90% of you won't repost this. I think I know which ones will."

  3. Jesus I can't even believe it's possible but I actually love you MORE than I did before.

    PLEASE PLEASE PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE let me be a beta-reader for your book! I promise I won't be annoying and sugar-coaty unless I really mean it. PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE!!!!!

    1. HA! You slay me. I am so insecure about the book. It's really just a collection of essays and posts from here, gathered in chronological order. With a few original essays and "musings" (God I hate that word) tucked in here and there.

      I would be down with sending it to you sometime soon, just to get some feedback? My skin is thick, darling. So no need to sugarcoat.

  4. Okay, I should formally introduce myself: My name is twisterfish and I am your new editor. :)
    I do it all -- copy edit, proof, praise, gently push in the right direction when off course, and more praise. All while drinking wine! Oh, well, maybe you didn't need to know that part.

    And OMG (that's my #1 thing I say too much), your lists are so close to what mine would be, except Thailand. I'll eat pad thai with you, but how about in NYC in December? John Cusack... yum!

    1. Everyone? Meet my new editor.

      And when my book sells, I'm taking you to New York. In December. Where we shall eat pad thai, drink borderline too much wine and mayhap run into John Cusack whilst buying cashmere gloves.

  5. Jenny! I was reading this post and nodding to so many things . . . Glennon--love but "you got this." Yup, ugh.

    13 Going on 30! LOVE it. It's the only good movie Jennifer Garner has had. I worshipped her in Alias and then she got one bad movie role after another--except for this one. I love all age/time swap stories except maybe the one with Zac Efron and Matthew Perry.

    Little children was SO great. Also loved the movie and felt it did the book justice.

    Was so interested in all of your other answers too. AND THEN . . . I saw my name and was so touched.

    I'm emailing you now because I have less public things to add!

    1. Nina I think I need to watch Alias! I wonder if it's on the Netfix?? Did you ever see Sliding Doors with Gwyneth Paltrow? YOU NEED TO SEE IT. It's a time swapping one. Kind of. I loved it. Sadly, I will admit to kind of enjoying the Zac Effron/Matthew Perry one. Don't hate.

      Thanks as always for reading and all that friendship stuff :)

  6. OH my god! Ruzzle is on your list! I love that game. Sadly, I've had no time for it in months... (picks up her phone to resume her addiction)

    1. Well, Charity, when you get the time, you'd better play with me! gringojenny

      Thanks for reading!

  7. Shawshank Redemption, Serendipity and Sideways...OH MY! See, you're not the only one kicking themselves for forgetting about a movie (or three). Haha!

    1. Awww..well to be fair, FIVE isn't very many.

      Thank you so much for reading. I'm so happy to have found your blog!

  8. Thanks for the call-out, doll! What's new with the book jazz? And believe me, if you say: "Shaddup, I'm busy with the work and the kids and the thing with the things" I will utterly and completely understand. I'm just here to kick you in the butt once in a while and remind you what a VERY good writer you be. :)

    1. I think we've caught up via the facebook. I love getting my butt kicked by you. You will be joining me and my new reader/editor in New York for wine and pad thai, okay?

      And I can't believe it's taken me over two weeks to respond to these. Life is crammed full, I tell ya.

  9. How did I not see this before?! Thank you for your kind words...4 months later! Argh.

    1. Ha! And here's my reply, 8 months later ;) Thanks for reading, Vikki!

  10. Replies
    1. Will you pick me up at the airport? Because YES. Please!!


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