Five Things: The Blog Version of a Chain Letter (but not as creepy)

Am I dating myself by using the term "chain letter"? For you younger babes, it's like those emails you get from your cousins or coworkers, that are all sweetness and light but at the end there is an ominous line about how if you don't forward it to at least FIVE of your friends, your children will suffer and you might get a disease. 

Believe it or not, back in the olden days? We used to actually get paper letters, delivered by the MAIL MAN. People used to write them out by hand and then go through their Lisa Frank address books and pick out friends to send them to. I was a very superstitious girl (I thought for sure I wouldn't make it through my 13th year) so you can bet your sweet buns I kept the chain going.  

And I haven't changed much since then. My blog buddy Kristen at Abandoning Pretense tagged me in her post, and even though there was no threat of bodily harm I am totally keeping this chain going. I'll try to bring the funny, people. Here we go:

Five Things I Have A Passion For

1. My kids. They are on my mind 24/7. I worry, I fret, I boast, I love. Making sure they are taken care of is my number one passion. And even as they grow up and out of my grasp, I find that passion is still there. I'm okay with that.

2. Helping women in the throes of divorce. As I drift farther away from the fresh muck of being divorced, I find myself losing touch with what it was like at the beginning. Sometimes I forget that the reason I started writing was to help ladies get through it. I spent this morning responding to comments on one of my most-read posts, "What To Do When Your Husband Leaves You, Part Two" and it re-lit that fire beneath me. It sickens me that so many women find themselves here...and I want to do whatever I can to help them get through it. Hear me roar, baby!

3. Reading. I don't do enough of it. 

4. Your kids. Everyone's kids. All kids. I love children and I will do whatever I can to make sure that when they are in my care, they feel loved and important. Whether it's spending an hour on the floor playing with Legos, or reading SkippyJon Jones over and over...I'll do it. 90% of these kids won't remember me. But they'll remember being loved and they will remember feeling like they mattered. 

5. Ruzzle. I wish I was kidding. My old profile doesn't work with my new phone so if you want to get Ruzzling with me, I'm gringojenny. I don't play as often as I used to, because this "work" thing is so freaking time consuming...but I'll play. 

Five Things I'd Like To Do Before I Die

1. Get into shape. I'm fat right now, and my self-loathing is at an all-time high. I just spent an hour on the Old Navy Plus Size website (they don't sell fat clothes in the store, you know, because god forbid the fatties darken their actual doors). Bottom line is, I need to workout more. Eat less/exercise more. It's not rocket science, right? Sigh.

2. Get my book published. 

3. Buy my own house. I love this rental house, and I love my angel/landlord Dave and his awesome wife. But sometimes I miss being able to say "I own this." Granted, when the dryer breaks or the roof leaks or there's two feet of snow in the driveway, it's nice to be the renter. I picture myself with a charming little Cape Cod, fenced yard and of course, a screened in porch. Will it ever happen? Who knows. 

4. Make sweet, sweet love to Louis C.K. Or just get a whiff of his musk. Sorry..I even made myself sick with this one. But, truth.

5. Have a better relationship with my Dad. We've made progress, but not enough. I want to be able to call him up and just talk. I miss him so much.

Five Things I Say A Lot:

1. "Shut up". I say this in conversation, like someone will say "OMG, there are some Paula Deen pans on clearance at Target!" and I'll say, "Shut up!". I hate that. Trying to stop it.

2. "I wrote a blog post about that once!" I say this ALL THE TIME. Guess what Jenny? You've written blog posts about everything. Giant bowel movements, sex and segways, every television show EVER. Get over it.

3. "My diet starts tomorrow." 

4. "I should...(insert pretty much anything here)". My shoulds do become dids, but not as often as I'd like. Need to work on that one.

5. "I love you".  I like this one. Not gonna change it.

Five Books I've Read Lately

1. Glennon Melton's "Carry on Warrior". I'll admit to being crazy envious of Glennon. And I'll also admit that sometimes she can grate on my nerves with all of the "you got this, mama" stuff. But she writes a good essay and she's comforting like buttery mashed potatoes.

2. Warren Hanson's "The Next Place". My go-to book that I buy for anyone who has experienced a loss. It's a fabulous inspirational book, filled with gorgeous imagery and simple phrases. I love that it's not aimed at any religion, so people of any faith can get comfort from it. I want parts of it read at my funeral. 

3. "Spark" by John J. Ratey. I read this for work, and I ended up loving it. It really pulls back the curtain on exercise and how ESSENTIAL it is for all of us: to learn, to be happy, and to live a long healthy life. We need to move, people. 

4. "Little Children" by Tom Perrotta. I caught the movie version on HBO one late night, and ended up finding the book at a thrift store not long after. It weaves several tales into one well-written story...growing up, parenting, sex, adultery and oh yeah, there's a pedophile in here too. The movie had me in tears, so did the book. 

5. "What To Do When Your Husband Leaves You" by me. I read and re-read this one, trying to hone it, get it just right so that some agent falls in love with it and me and it goes on to become a best selling memoir and then a saucy series on Showtime. One of my awesome readers, Salish (her posting name) has been advising me and holding my (internet) hand. I have told her this ad nauseum but she's kept me going when I want to give up.

Five Favorite Movies

1. Duh. Shawshank Redemption. Sexy Tim Robbins and Morgan Freeman.

2. Serendipity with dreamy John Cusack. If I find it on t.v.? I'm stopping, dropping and watching. Even better with some Red Vines. 

3. Sideways. Love me some Paul Giamatti. Especially when he's depressed. And there's wine around.

4. 13 Going on 30. Shut up! I love this movie. Mark Ruffalo AND Jennifer Garner? Win/win. 

5. Die Hard. Yippee ki yay, mother effer. 1988: Bruce Willis wasn't old and neither was I. The action movie that got me hooked on action movies. Plus, hello, Hans Gruber!

Five Places I'd Like To Travel

1. Ireland.

2. Someplace warm and oceany. With my kids. They've never had a real vacation.

3. Thailand. Oh to get my hands on some real pad thai! I'm drooling. 

4. New York City. At Christmastime. 

5. Tie between Greece and Australia. 

Five Pages That I Love

1. The Bitchy Waiter He's a gay waiter from New York who bitches about his job. What's not to love?

2. Suburban Correspondent She has 6 kids and is still married to their father. She makes me feel less crazy and always has something nice to say.

3.  Nina Badzin's Blog Nina and I met when we were chosen to be part of the inaugural Twin Cities Listen To Your Mother Show. I liked her the first time I talked to her. She's good people.

4. Up Popped A Fox Vikki is another friend I made through Listen To Your Mother. She wrote me a little note after all was said and done, and I kept it because it was so beautiful. She's a good mom and might I add, has the most lovely silver tresses. 

5. Last but definitely not least...my sweet lady friend Lisa Allen at Back To Allen. How did we meet up, Lisa?? Was it Twitter? I can't even remember but this I do know: my friendship with Lisa is a special one and anytime somebody says "Internet relationships aren't real" I want them to come over and eat some of the homemade sauces she sent me. If sending someone three jars of heavenly condiments doesn't say friendship, I don't know what does. Love you Lisa!

There are so many more blogs I love: Heather at the EO, Kelly O'Sullivan, Galit Breen, Darcy Purdu, The Bearded Iris, Reedster Speaks, Mandy Fish, and to keep with the fish theme, Twisterfish, MamaMubba...and my friend Whitney who first suggested I start a blog. If I've left you out, I'm super sorry. I could go on and on and now the "who did I leave out" guilt is going to kill me.

Okay then. There. I've done my part in keeping the chain alive. Now I think I'm supposed to go inform everyone else that they've been tagged. Which I will do eventually. Right now I've got some back to school shopping to do.

Thanks for reading, and I promise that the next thing I write won't be such a narcissistic blather-fest.