You Made It, Dummy...stop crying!

 

I got the "Congratulations" email last Thursday morning.  I was laying in bed, of course, stroking my phone like it was a tiny kitten in the still darkness that is 5:00 a.m. in Minneapolis.  I don't claim to be the Minneapolis Medium or anything, but I had a dream that night, a dream about an email from Listen To Your Mother. And in my dream, I had made it. You see, I had done a really awesome job of convincing myself that I sucked during my audition. Sucked like a Dyson, baby.  So kudos to my subconscious for keeping hope alive, right?

And my subconscious was spot on. We did it. I made the cast for the inaugural Twin Cities Listen To Your Mother show.  Despite the best efforts of my own self-doubting self, I did it.  Despite what I'm sure was the most Liz Lemon-y audition ever, I did it.  I quietly shrieked when I read the email, rolled over and hugged the dog and then basked in the glory for a bit before getting out of bed and starting my day. Those crazy LTYM ladies told me to keep a lid on it until they announced the lineup...have they no mercy? Aren't they writers themselves? Don't they know how HARD it is to sit on news like this?  Of course I let it slip to a couple of hens, I had to for fear of blowing up like Violet Beauregarde in Charlie and The Chocolate Factory.  Even my XXL yoga pants can't handle that, friends.

Now here I sit, on a Monday morning, watching giant snowflakes tumble out of the gray sky. I sit on my old battered Ikea loveseat, in front of my decrepit Dell (sans spacebar, ya know, makes for some interesting writing), and even I'm surprised at the tears falling down my cheeks. I'm a weeper by nature so waterworks are to be expected at any given moment with me, but these little drops...they are a bewilderment. 

Because these tears feel different than the ones I'm used to. They feel celebratory. They feel happy.

They feel validating.

Life has been hard for me, and for my kids. Not "lost my house in a tsunami" hard, and thankfully not "scary illness" hard, but it's been tough. And I've grown accustomed to it. Become familiar with it, not in a loving way but in a resigned way. You eat enough shit sandwiches, after a while you stop tasting them, if you know what I mean.

So getting news like this, seeing my name in black and white on a list with freaky-talented writers...seeing actual PROOF that I can accomplish something armed only with my words and shaky determination..it feels really good.  Like sit-on-the-couch-and-cry good. 

I started writing because I was mad and sad. I wanted a place to vent where I could speak honestly and openly and without worrying about my kids eavesdropping. I never thought that writing would become so important to me, even though as a little girl when asked what I wanted to be when I grew up I answered very matter-of-factly and with a straight face: "Either a model or a writer." 

Guess what, little girl? One out of two ain't bad.

If you're a local friend, have a look-see at the Listen To Your Mother Twin Cities site and see about getting tickets, they're going fast. And please, take a moment to check out the cast list..you will see why I'm so grateful (and a bit shocked) to be listed among such talent.