10/1/12

If a boy wants to play hockey, a boy should be able to play hockey

Big boys, I mean.

Like, boys in their 40's.  Don't you think they should be able to play hockey if they want to?  I sure do.

Henry was the only kid to go to Big Daddy's this past weekend.  Out of four kids, one went.  But that's beside the point.

Henry got home from Big Daddy's a bit earlier than the normal drop off time.  I gave him a big hug, announced, "Yay!  My funny H is home!" and then asked him, "Why are you back so early?  Not that I mind, of course."  I didn't mind, because I missed that kid.  He truly is the comedian in this house.

He looked at me and said, "Dad had hockey."

Oh...Dad had hockey, huh?  You mean, the same Dad who can't help pay for his own son's hockey this year?  The same Dad who said, "I can't afford it" when I asked him to cough up some of the cha-ching when William asked about getting signed up for hockey this year?  That Dad?

I will admit, I know nothing about adult hockey leagues in Minneapolis.  I don't know how much they cost.  Maybe he found one that is specifically for poor men, a free league so men who face financial challenges can still get some ice time for that sad little boy trapped inside them.  A place for fellas who are struggling, a cold place where they can take out some of their aggressions and get some good old fashioned exercise.

But I'm thinking it's not free.  I'm thinking it's probably not cheap.  I'm thinking that in order to play Grown Up Hockey, Big Daddy probably didn't have to call the head of the league and explain his sad financial situation to him, and beg for a chance to play.  I'm also thinking that in order to play, he didn't have to swear up and down and on a stack of Bibles that he'd volunteer in the concession stand every single weekend.  I'm also thinking that he didn't work out a scholarship deal, along with a payment plan, in order to get a spot on this Grown Up Hockey team.

Because that's exactly what I did, and what I'm doing, and what I'm going to do in order to get my son William out there playing hockey again this year.  Because my son wants to play hockey.

I'm not one to toot my own horn, like, ever.  I don't like talking about what I do for my kids, and I really don't like talking about the "sacrifices" I make for my kids.  Partly because I'm modest, but mostly because I don't consider giving things up for the well-being of my kids as "sacrifices".  It's called being a parent.  Doing what needs to be done in order for the kids to have some kind of normal in their lives.  Every day there are parents all over this big blue earth, doing it.  Some gave up dreams and work at a job they only sort-of like.  Some go to school at night and on weekends so they can become more.  Some work two or three jobs so their kids can have a nice warm place to live and food on the table. 

And some play hockey.

The irony of a 44 year old man playing on a hockey team while his 12 year old is relying on scholarships and a hot-dog slinging mom to do the same thing?  It's not lost on me.  It also wasn't lost on William.  When Henry told us the reason for his early arrival, William was sitting in the living room, doing homework.  He looked at me, and then looked down.  He said nothing.

He didn't have to.






21 comments:

  1. Somehow, this one pisses me off even more than some of the rest of the crap he's pulled. Mine does the same. Can't pay for dental appts for his kids (no ins so its big $$$$) but can post FB pics of spa wkends w/ his gf and buy a huge 3D tv (and forget to buy the glasses???). Not to wish ill will, but maybe he'll get the sh$t beat out of him on the ice. Ah, sweet justice. Or maybe just a severe groin pull. That would be good too.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Hey Linda! I think I felt my blood pressure go up when I read about a spa weekend and and a 3D tv, but no help with the wisdom teeth. Nice guy.

      I'd settle for a puck to the package. Or maybe a chipped tooth.

      Thanks for reading!!

      Delete
    2. Wisdom teeth? I meant dental appointments. I'm mixing things up in my head, sorry. It's crowded in there.

      Delete
  2. This is unbelievable. How can he not think of his son every time he puts on his skates? I feel so badly for your kids. So sorry you and your kids have to deal with so much crap from this man.

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    1. Hey Twister...thank you. We'll be ok. I just need to get this stuff out of my system so I don't say it out loud in front of them. I wanted to call him up, text him, email, and make some bitchy comment about it. Because I feel bad for the kids too. But they'll be ok.

      Thank you so much for reading.

      Delete
  3. I've typed and erased about three different comments, none of which I feel like posting, because I can't offer any thoughtful, encouraging advice on this.
    This is douchebaggery at its finest, plain and simple.
    Selfish and mean.
    And this, of course, means that you won't get to watch William play because you'll be in the concession stands.
    But the part that's killing me the most, is that I can actually visualize William sitting in your living room with his homework, Walter nearby. I can see him look up through his shaggy bangs and look at you with those big sad eyes as the irony of the situation registers in his mind.
    Well. William's buddy and I are excited to come see him play a game or two this winter.




    ReplyDelete
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    1. Thank you. Douchebaggery sums it up nicely!

      Is this Danielle? Yay...I'll take a break from the concession stands to come say hi.

      Delete
  4. Sometimes saying nothing at all can mean so much more than yelling & getting angry. Its pathetic how some father's can act like more of a child than the actual child himself.

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    Replies
    1. Amen, sister. He's just a little boy trapped in a big goateed body. Tool.

      Thanks for reading!

      Delete
  5. Christ on a cracker. I'm speechless. (And you likely know by now I'm not usually rendered mute.) Wait, one little speech excerpt (with apologies to Wm. Shakespeare -- ) ...

    "O Karma, Karma, wherefore art thou Karma?"

    (Hurry your ass up!)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Christ on a cracker...now I'm craving Wheat Thins, thanks a lot!

      Karma seems to be on a different schedule than me. I hope I'm around to see her when she finally arrives. I bet she's pretty.

      Thanks for reading, lady.

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  6. I could have written this post so many times in the past, just using different things than hockey, since we lived in the South....but as a parent who parented by myself for most of the my oldest two's childhoods; I can tell you it turns out okay in the end. They will grow into great adults and they will give you the credit....and they will "tolerate" their father, at best. Sure, there may be a time in each of their lives that they may try and have a child/father relationship with him...but it will never work, and they will give up on it forever, once they are adults. Sad? Yes. Are you to blame? No...only for having a bad "picker" when it came to your first husband. lol (And in my case, my 2nd and 3rd as well...but alas, #4 was the one! Hey! I can't help it if I have a learning disability when it comes to men! lol) When, no IF, but WHEN, you meet the man that God has for you, your soulmate, and yes, you will know it, the kids will have a stable male figure in their lives...even if they are grown before you meet this man (and I highly doubt they will be), they will love him and look to him as a "dad". Big Daddy will get his...maybe not on this earth...but he will get his. I'm so sorry you and your kids are going through this...as always...you're in my prayers. Love you! Hang tough! :)

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Awww Jeffie..you keep saying I'm gonna find Mr. Right! I'm holding you to that, girl.

      I can see it already in my kids. I can see the disappointment in their father, it's right there. That's sad. But they are strong, like me. They'll be fine!

      Thanks so much for your constant encouragement. I hope to be as happy as you are someday soon!

      Love you!

      Delete
  7. Once more, everyone else who's commented has put it better than I could. All I can add is:
    1. Gosh, Big Daddy sure gives a whole 'nother dimension to the terms "loser" and "douchebag," doesn't he? (Anonymous, above, put it beautifully: "Douchebaggery at its finest." For sure.

    2. What I wish for him -- besides getting hit in los nueces with a frozen puck, more than once -- is that the following happens: Secretary suddenly dumps him for a boy-toy half BD's age who is much hotter and richer. Especially since she now finds BD "icky" and "gross" and tells him so in her goodbye note. She takes the kid with her too. In one of those oh-so-beautiful twists of fate, BD, on the rebound, winds up with my friend Karen's boyfriend's ex-wife, who is kind of the female version of BD. They deserve each other. (Salish, that would be Karma saying "HERE I AM!")

    3. William's response to hearing his sorry excuse for a dad is playing hockey now breaks my heart. He needs a great big hug....and so do you.

    (Not 10 on Tuesday maybe, but hopefully 3 will do :)

    Hang in there...I'm always sending good thoughts your way!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "HERE I AM", indeed! Perfectly put! :D

      And even if there isn't such a thing as karma (perhaps the Universe has better things to do than balancing our scales of justice and making things "fair"?) -- there's a back-up plan, an inescapable truth that's much more personal, and it's something I've told myself many times since my ex-fiance showed his true colors:

      CHARACTER IS DESTINY

      Delete
    2. Hey lady!

      I often wonder about their marriage. I wonder if it's going to last just from sheer will? I don't know how they can stand it, knowing the shaky ground it was built upon.

      To see him alone, hurting, sad...I may go to hell for saying this, but I'd kinda like that.

      You are a masterful hug giver. And a really good, good person. So glad you're in our lives.

      Delete
    3. I think Salish and JCS would get along swimmingly :o)

      Delete
  8. There is just nothing redeeming about that "man". My heart is broken in a thousand pieces for your son. I know these things"build character" and all that, and that God WiLL use this pitiful man's evil doings for His Glory, but dang it he really really sucks.

    Praise God that He chose you for these beautiful children knowing how you would love them in the most amazing ways. Bless you for your generous heart and enduring strength. You have stored so much treasure in heaven.

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    1. Oh Kirsten, you are so sweet. There really ISN'T anything redeeming about him, is there? I thought maybe there was something, perhaps hidden very deep down. But I don't think there is.

      I'm more than grateful for these kids. I hope I'm doing right by them.

      Thank you so much for reading!

      Delete
  9. OMG What complete jerks these men are!! My EX cancelled our daughters wisdom teeth surgery because he said he didn't have the $700 needed upfront. Didn't even tell us he cancelled it until I called them a few days before to confirm the time. But 2 weeks later he took the OW to Las Vegas for a Nascar race. Just blows my mind!!! I'm still paying $25/mo for the balance of that surgery. But yesterday was my final divorce trial and he got his in more ways than one! That judge saw right through the selfish bastard and when he delivered his final verdict he said "Any one who has been a parent knows that there is a moral obligation and a legal obligation and she has upheld her moral obligations in taking care of her children. At least she still has a household." I literally wanted to run up and kiss that judge!!! My EX doesn't see or talk to our 3 kids and he is a loser in this divorce in more ways than one. I hate to be mean but it would serve him right if your EX gets a few teeth knocked out during one of his hockey games!

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    1. Oh Sil. I got goosebumps reading about what the judge said!!! Good for YOU!!

      I am happy things have gone your way, you deserve a break. I hope your ex holds up his end of the bargain.

      Thank you so much for reading!

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