Ten on Thursday Weigh In

Get it?  Blending two...TWO....two posts in one.  I'm a clever minx.

So, I have to tell you all this before I get to the Ten.  The party was AWESOME.  I was a bitchy, sweaty, nervous wreck up until it started, and just a sweaty wreck for the next 40 minutes or so, but it was a success.  My nerves were jangling and jumping over the prospect of chatting up my "old" family...worst-case scenarios filled my head.  What if they were cold?  What if they completely ignored me?  I mean, the whole reason I was doing this was to give my kid a proper celebration for something he accomplished.  So I would have been fine wearing a caterer's uniform and not speaking.  But it was my house, and let's face it, catering uniforms are probably not very comfortable.  And I'm not capable of keeping quiet.

My worries and fears were completely unfounded.  All of my ex-in laws, each and every one of them, were not only civil, they were warm and loving and sweet.  I was able to see little nieces and nephews I haven't seen in years (one that I had never met) and believe it or not, I got teary eyed when my former sister in-law introduced me to her girls as "Aunt Jenny".  Ex-mother in law and father in law rolled in, armed not only with the cake (Costco creme filled heaven, by the way), but with tons of soda and a carrot cake and cookies.  Even Big Daddy's brothers gave me hugs, and I think I've recruited one of their wives into the hen-fold.

And guess who showed up?  Big Daddy himself.  I have to say this...good for him.  Charlie had called him earlier in the day to ask if he was coming, and his dad said "Yes".  So seeing him walk into my backyard wasn't a total shock...but up until that moment the jury was out on whether or not he'd do it. 

Now, you may be wondering, how did Jenny handle this?  I did what I've done at countless baseball games, school concerts and other events where the two of us have to share oxygen:  I ignored him.  And he ignored me.  Mature?  Maybe not, but I think of all the possible scenarios, having the two of us carry on and pretend the other one wasn't there is probably not the most horrifying. And no, no Secretary or Spawn.  I know she has big balls, but I think she also has some common sense. Good girl. 

I will say this:  Thank God my hens were there.  A couple of them were very grown up, polite, civil...they actually talked to Big Daddy.  They made nice, and I think that's awesome.  They represented like good hens.  However, civility is nice, but it doesn't change the fact that this man has done some really shitty things to me, and to his kids.  And that's where another hen, and her hubby, came in.  Her husband was eager to see Big Daddy, I guess to put a face to all of the lore, and I think my second-favorite quote of the evening was when I casually strolled over to this Husband and whispered, "The Eagle has landed."  He and his wife did not go chat up Big Daddy.  They instead gave him looks which conveyed how they feel about what he's done.  And I was as grateful for that as I was for the hens being chatty.  Conflict of interest?  Mayhap. But sometimes life is like a twist cone, right?  Both flavors combined into one tasty treat.

I should add that Charlie had a great time.  He was acting like an ass to me the whole day, and it's hard to determine if that was just 18 year old a-holeness, or if my pre-party psychosis is genetic.  But as the party rolled on, he warmed up to me and at one point, hugged me and said "Thank you, Mom."  That's all I needed.  Of course, he took off with his friends near the end and I didn't see him until late the next day (hey, he's 18 and can do what he wants, according to him) but getting that thanks made (most) the stress and freakouts worth it.

I also have to give some serious shout outs:  Danielle, one of my bestest hens, came over early in the day and CLEANED like a mother-effer.  She also let me borrow just about everything she owns for the party, including several throw rugs to hide the various stains in the carpet (William's run-for-the-bathroom vomiting incident after eating cupcakes with red icing will never be forgotten).  She worked her ass off and I owe her, big time (even though she vacuumed up spiders instead of doing the Hausfrau Catch and Release).  Love you, Mama D.  And the hens who loaned out everything else I needed, from Laura and her firepit and chairs and beverage dispensers, to Shennon and her tablecloths and trays and roaster, Gillian for loaning me her husband for the millionth time (I think in some states, he and I are now considered common-law spouses), Michelle for her roaster and for helping me prepare the 30 lbs. of meat (anyone want a pulled pork or beef sandwich?  Call me.), Whitney for making her kick-ass beans and for babysitting Walter, and Jen for staying afterwards with Michelle and essentially cleaning up the whole thing.  And to all of you...THANK YOU.  Thank you for showing up to help me show Charlie that he is loved.  I am eternally grateful to each and every one of you.

And now for a quick 10:

1.  My second favorite quote from that night:  After the tenth awkward introduction of my ex-mother-in law to various friends, she pulled me into the kitchen and said:  "Jenny, when you got divorced, your kids didn't become my ex-grandchildren.  We are still your in-laws. You will always be our daughter in law.  We love you."  Do you think I cried?

2.  I have a zit on my jawline that is so big I think I felt it kicking last night.  If I was any kind of mother, I'd start taking prenatal vitamins and schedule an ultrasound.  #concealerappliedwithatrowel

3.  Please tell me I'm not the only one who does this:  I was walking up my front steps the other day and tripped...cut my finger and hurt my knee, but the first thing I did was quickly look around to make sure there were no witnesses.  Luckily the only ones watching me were the squirrels.

4.  Charlie got a job at the posh movie theater in town!  I'll admit, the first thing I thought of was Friends and Monica having a date with the former high school stud Chip Matthews who still worked at the local movie theater, but the second thing I thought was "Yay!  Free movies for me!".  That, combined with my newfound knowledge that Red Vines are 4 points for 9 vines, made me happy.

5.  Charlie is also signed up for a few general classes at the local community college.  He did this on his own, and yes, I am one proud mom.  He is making good choices and I'm pretty sure I am getting some glimpses of the adult he'll become.  Of course there are still several times in the day I want to throw things at him, but there are glimpses.  That gives me lots of hope.

6.  So I had a date with a former beau.  Wait for my post titled:  "Marooned on the Island of Misfit Singles" for all the details. I think I may just be single for life.  Thank God for the Humane Society...

7.  I am dreading today's weigh in.  I didn't exercise as much as I could have this week, and I ate almost all of my weekly "extra" points at the party (ok, the tiny after-party cost me several points in wine but I needed to decompress!!).  I got back on the wagon almost immediately (and thank you to my scavenger kids for making sure the tub of Red Vines disappeared quickly) but still, I fear the worst.

8. That said, the signs of weight loss are showing themselves...just a few weeks ago, my underwear was rolling down because the poor elastic waistband couldn't handle the strain.  Now, they're rolling down because they're too big.  Also, my bras are about ready to be retired.  Bye bye boobies.  It was fun.

9.  I'm meeting with my author friend next week!  I'm so psyched to hear what he has to say.  I know that some people (ahem) are "concerned" about my blog but yesterday I got a long note from a young woman who read my blog at her mother's urging.  She grew up with a man kind of like Big Daddy, and in her note (which was one of the most eloquent, heart-wrenching, beautiful things I've ever read) she reassured me that Molly will be ok. She told me about things in her childhood/teen years that made my heart hurt, but she also told me how her strong mom instilled enough pride and love and self-esteem into her to counteract most of the damage.  That note, along with countless emails and comments I get telling me that I have helped them, is what will keep me going.  Women who are going through this shitstorm need to know they aren't alone...myself included (or is it me included?).  Thank you, young lady.  You are already an amazing woman.

10.  Have I shared with you the fact that I have severe dental phobia?  I do.  Like, I need valium and sedation when I go.  I'm getting nervous just typing about it. I have a doozy of an appointment coming up and would love some of your prayers/good vibes.

Oh, and I guess I should mention, I GOT A JOB.  Like a new job, one I've coveted for a while.  Since it appears that I have some readers who may not have my best interests at heart (guffaw out loud) I'm going to keep details at a minimum, but let's just say, WOOOOO HOOOOOO.

And now it's time to try and get rid of every ounce I can before weigh in...if I could remove organs, I would.

Have a great day, my friends.

Oops almost forgot my weigh in:

Week 1:  4 lbs.
Week 2:  3.8 lbs.
Week 3:  3.2 lbs.
Week 4:  1.4 lbs.
Week 5:  3.4 lbs.
Week 6:  1.8 lbs. (!)

Grand total so far:  17.6 pounds GONE.   

Feeling good!


  1. I'm so glad your in-laws said that! and :) - glad I could help in "keeping you going"! You go girl!

    1. You are a wonderful person, Mara. Thank you!

  2. 1. Awwwwwwwwwwwwww :)

    2. This made me snort with laughter--I startled the dogs.

    3. I do this with alarming frequency. It is automatic for me to fling my arms up like a gymnast sticking a landing, whilst mumbling, "Ta dah!" Then I look around.

    4. Yay for the free movies! One of Evan's friends works at the local theater, so he has seen EVERY movie that came out this summer, some twice. One of his recent reviews: "The Expendables 2 was so fist pumpy, my arm is sore!"

    5. Good for Charlie!! Very impressed that he did it on his own.

    6. Looking forward to the blog :)

    7. Super impressed at your weight loss!! I gave up after about a month, & I'm pretty sure the 3 1/2 lb I lost have all come back. You have some scary will power!

    8. Go on a shopping spree for new underwear. You've earned it!

    9. Loved hearing about this...Molly has a wonderful role model, as do your boys.

    10. I don't have dental phobia, but I have severe dental laziness. I think it's been a year & a half since I've been to the dentist. Mostly because my dentist has the worst hours so I can't possibly schedule an appointment without putting in for a vacation day from work (M-th, 8-4, I think). And I'm too lazy to find a new one.

    And SUPER CONGRATS on the new job!!!!!

    1. Thanks Beth! I am going to wait until I hit the 25 lb. mark before I buy ANYTHING new. Until then, if you see me stop mid-stride and act like I lost something in one of my pockets, it's just that my drawers have fallen down to my knees.

      And LOL at "fist pumpy". That's funny. In fact, I gave the moniker "Jonny Fist Pump" to a fella a while back. Someday I'll tell you about him.

      As always, thanks for reading (and for being a friend).

  3. Good for Charlie for "manning up"!!! It makes me so happy for you, and yet so sad for Michael. He couldn't find a job if he was locked in a bathroom with one. And, as far as school's concerned? He informed me he 'didn't really want' to go and therefore conveniently did not register in time. He spends his days eating as much of my food as possible (kid's getting chunky) and making messes. Oh, and of course playing on the computer. When Aaron decides to get on the parenting pony, he doesn't agree with anything I say or do. The stress is about killing me. Long Minnestoa weekend with the new boyfriend: September 20th!!!
    Also? Yay for your in-laws. My mother in law will pretend I no longer exist. I think the boys might actually be considered 'ex-grandkids' in her eyes, but that's another story. ;-)

    1. Amanda, he'll find his way. Something will happen, a lightbulb will light up over his head and he will figure it out. I was very close to giving Charlie his own shelf in the fridge and telling him to buy his own damn groceries (but my fridge is really small so I scrapped that idea).

      Aaron needs to knock it off. And so does the ex-MIL.

      YAY! Looking forward to your visit..I have the MN Blogger conference all day that Saturday but I hope one of those nights you'll let me go out and party with you guys!! Can't wait to meet the lovah!!

      Thanks for reading and for your endless support!

  4. Yeah!!!! U lost again!!! U rock!! So glad the party went well...I would've been the one that bitch slapped him and spewed angry hateful things....glad I couldn't be there ;)

    1. I can't believe I lost weight..pretty sure I ate about 10 lbs. of Whitney's baked beans.

      You should have been here! LOL.

      Thanks for reading!

  5. So happy the party went off without a hitch! Glad the in laws could rise above everything.. having said that, I wish they would help you more.. after all , as they said, they are still the kids grandparents!
    I am so happy to hear Charlie is manning up! You have been nothing but a great supportive mother, so I have no doubt he will be just fine! It takes a lot for an 18 year to get motivated, let alone doing it alone with no father figure to help him out. So kuddos to Charlie for stepping up! Amanda, yours will too! The choices eventually have consequences and now those consequences aren't from you. they are from society and friends.
    So happy to hear you go the JOB! Of course I knew you would!
    Thanks for all your support! Love ya!

    1. Kelly I wish they would too. Although, they do take the kids out shopping now and then, and they've been pretty supportive of Charlie (picking up BD's slack).

      I agree, Amanda's manchild will see the light. Eventually, they all do (myself included).

      Thanks for all of YOUR support, my friend. You are amazing.

  6. Aww so happy that things went so well for Charlie! And a job + school = superfantastic! Love you!

  7. Jenny, it truly was a wonderful party. You did a great job with it, and I am GLAD to hear Charlie appreciated that! (I wonder if he was acting, um, "difficult" toward you beforehand because he was wondering and worrying about whether his dad would show, and having mixed feelings? I should know better than to try to read an 18-year-old's mind, so just a wild guess...and it doesn't excuse him acting like a jerk either! So I'm so happy he thanked you properly, after all!) I'm really relieved BD's family was so great to you, too -- and that they still consider you part of the family. Just about made me tear up reading about what your MIL said!

    Speaking of your ex: I don't think there was any problem with you two saying nothing to each other while he was there. That's how I'd have handled it too. It's probably a good thing his path never crossed mine. I'd have had a hard time not saying to him, in a cheerful and friendly way, "Vittun runkkari!" No, that does NOT mean "Jesus loves you, have a great day." It's Finnish, and it ain't pretty. I think it fits him well...Google it if you're curious :) I know, insulting your friend's ex in another language might not be mature or classy, but it's a lot more so than BD's treatment of you and the kiddos. So there!
    Congrats to Charlie again on graduating, his new job, and starting at MCTC. He WILL be just fine. With you as his mom, truly he can't go wrong. And congrats to YOU on being a fabulous mom and friend, on the weight loss, and again on your new gig!

    1. Thank you, again, for everything Jenzi. You are a remarkable person. I agree, I think he was nervous about the worlds colliding. In fact, all four of the kids were floored when their dad walked in. I think that's kind of sad, but at the same time I'm so proud of both myself and of Big Daddy for showing them that we can be supportive at the same time (of course, the fact that he was at a party that I had planned and paid for didn't escape me. Oh well...baby steps).

      Thanks again for everything, JCS. You rock!

      And now I'm off to Google.

  8. Yay, I'm so glad Charlie's party was a success. Sorry he was being a brat to you after all you did but that's an 18 year old for you :/

    1. I wouldve shed some tears too. Thats beautiful. I say you take this opportunity to call her up at least once a month & get together for coffee.
    2. Been there. For some reason I always get those suckers on your jaw line.
    3. Bahaha, I've done that! I could seriously have a broken arm & still get up all quick style, try to play it off like nothin' happened & make sure no one saw me look like a fool.
    4 & 5. Go Charlie! Also, free movie tickets are always a good way to thank your mom.
    6. Lamesauce. Sometimes youre better off alone.
    7. I'm sure you did fine. I mean, if you stayed exactly the same, that's still a win.
    8. Haha, little boobies aren't so bad. At least, this is what I keep telling myself.
    9.I'm sure he's going to say you're amazing & youre gonna be on the NYTimes Best Sellers list in no time. Having said that, I hope you'll send me a signed copy so I dont have track you down all stalker style haha.
    10. My husband's the same way. The dr actually prescribes him valium to take before bed the day before his visit and an hour before his appointment. It's bad.

    A new job, almost 20 lbs gone? Damn, you go girl!

    1. Thank you Lin!! I used to have small boobies..in fact I saved some of my cute small bras. So I'm ok with it.

      Oh Rusty, I feel your pain. Or rather, I don't feel it? Ha. Dental anxiety humor.

      Thanks for all of your support and for letting me mooch your post ideas, Lin. No need to stalk, if and when there's a book you'll be getting one to review ;o) I hate that winky emoticon.


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