12/4/11

Baby Teeth

The difference between people with kids and those without?  If you find stashes of human teeth in a non-child household you might think "serial killer" rather than, "awww, the Tooth Fairy was here". 

I was cleaning the other day (really? Did I really hear giggles and eye-rolling?) and I found teeth everywhere.  It was like being Jame Gumb's housekeeper.  Molars, little tiny front teeth, a couple of canines.  I found them in the junk drawer, in the top drawer of my bathroom vanity next to the floss and the concealer, in the little votive holder/change catcher in the kitchen.  Everywhere. 

Being the Tooth Fairy is so fun when you're a rookie.  I have vague memories of tip-toeing into the sleeping babe's room, gently holding their sweet angelic heads aloft while slipping the envelope containing glitter and a handwritten note and a crisp dollar bill under their pillow. 

That was what happened with Charlie, the first/alpha kid, and maybe for the first couple of teeth Molly lost. 

William, the fourth child, now just hands me whatever tooth has come out and I give him whatever I have floating around in my purse.  For the last tooth, I think he got a Subway coupon.  But the thought is still there. 

Now that they are all getting older and my mind is more occupied with things like lost innocence, lost ATM cards and lost remotes, I find myself wondering....what to do with the teeth?  Do you toss them in the garbage?  Bury them in the back yard?  I know, from years of watching CSI and Law & Order, that teeth aren't biodegradable.  They find them, years later, and I hate to think of the FBI knocking on the front door of one of my grown children after finding a mouthful of their teeth in a landfill or a backyard.  

I suppose I could go all Tim Burton/Ed Gein and make a mosaic picture frame or trivet with them.  But that might raise eyebrows.  Besides, I totally lost my glue gun in the big move last year. 

At moments such as these, I try to think WWMFWHCHD?  (what would my friends who have clean houses do?).  I know the answer.  They'd chuck the teeth without a moment's hesitation.  But I can't do that, not just yet.  Maybe it's because I'm so super sentimental, maybe it's because I come from a long and distinguished line of hoarders.  I don't know. 

But I do know that for now, the teeth stay.  I have moved them from their scattered resting spots, and gathered all of them in a baggie and tucked them into a dresser drawer, like the world's most horrifying stash.  They share drawer space with my collection of size 8/10 bathing suits, so you know they will lie, undisturbed, for a long time. 

Mommies, what do you do with the teeth?  I welcome any/all suggestions.  Just please don't tell me I'm the only one who has kept them.  This could easily turn into the next "What?  You guys didn't keep their umbilical cord stumps?" debacle.  Talk about awkward.

5 comments:

  1. Jenny - I totally get it! I still have my kids old pacifiers in a little baggie at the back of a drawer. When I see them I remember when my kids were so very little, especially my daughter who could spin them in her mouth like a top. I think any mom gets the attachment to these reminders of sweet days gone by.

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  2. I'd probably go to Wal-Mart and sell them. There seems to be a lot of people that could use an extra tooth or three at Wal-Mart.

    The only downside to this is teeth have DNA. I'd hate for the new owner to bite someone and accidentally leave one of your kids' teeth stuck in someones neck. Then that puts them on the hook for a crime. So, having thought that thru, I'd probably just throw them or perhaps drill holes in them for a nifty mother's bracelet or necklace.

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  3. LOL--I have them too! In my jewelry box & some in my underwear drawer.
    Laura said (& I am sorry in advance for any offense) "Hey, she could send them to West Virginia--it would be like Locks of Love...only it could be called Incisors for Inbreds!"
    God help me.

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  4. OMG...LMAO at Beths comment!!! I have teeth too....everywhere...tucked into jewelry boxes and dresser drawers and nightstands and bathroom cabinets.....Maybe ill give them to my Mom...LOL

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  5. I have them in a box. The Man says I'm weird for keeping them... but I cant' just throw them out. Maybe I'll make a baby tooth necklace one day.

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