Things I Learned over Labor Day Weekend

So the kids and I were delighted to be invited up to my BFF's cabin for labor day weekend. It was kind of a last-minute thing, but I was THRILLED because my poor Les Mis babies hadn't had a real "vacation" all summer long. I wrote about her cabin before, and this time was pretty much exactly like that one....

Except this time I swapped spit with a man.

Yes, I met the neighbor. And yes, there was an instant connection. How much of that connection was due to the vodka/cranberry drinkies, I don't know. But thank GOD, there was a connection.

Did I mention that there was some connecting going on?

Relax, bitches. The kids were all asleep.

So what did I learn over Labor Day weekend?

I learned that my old rule of thumb "you are pretty much guaranteed some action if your legs are sporting four day old stubble, your boob sweat has congealed into a crusty layer kind of like cooling lava, and you smell like lake water" still holds true. Oh yeah, and I added "plus you're wearing a ginormous maxi pad because of course you forgot that you were going to bring Aunt Flo along for the weekend and there were no tampons to be found in the wilds of Wisconsin".

I learned that one of my children still hasn't mastered the art of losing at anything with grace. And if he loses a two-player game of Mario Cart on the DS while enduring a 2 1/2 hour drive, there will be blood. Ok, not blood, but a pretty sizable smackdown. And some hair-pulling. At least they kept their seatbelts on.

I learned how to make a turkey. Don't laugh! I've never made one before. Ok, I did once but in true Jenny style, I screwed it up somehow. My BFF is the best cook I know and she showed me how to use Diet Coke to make what was seriously the yummiest turkey I've ever had.

I learned that sunsets are even more beautiful when you are relaxed and surrounded by laughing kids and good friends.

I learned that I need to get rid of my truck. I used my friend's minivan and filled it up...it was about $45.00. To fill up my truck? $160. I'm no math wizard but that ain't right.

I learned that my stupid phone works better in the sticks of Wisconsin than it does here in Minneapolis. AT&T...rethink service. Effers.

I learned that my BFF's husband is pretty awesome (I kind of already knew that, but). Not only did he once again put up with my smelly, shedding dog, but he also put up with my not-so-smelly, shedding 17 year old son. Not only put up with Charlie, but engaged in conversation with him, showed him how to use a jet ski and taught him a little bit about what kind of things a really good dad does.

And perhaps most importantly, I learned that you don't need a bazillion dollars to have a picture-perfect long weekend. All you need is a friend with a bazillion dollars and a sweet cabin. Just kidding. I think the most important thing I learned was that I didn't forget how to make out with someone.

And that if you wait around until you think you look/smell/are dressed perfect, you may miss out on meeting someone pretty cool.

Ooh, and I also learned that I need to keep a stash of tampons on me at all times.

Hope you all had a beautiful, relaxing and safe Labor Day weekend!


  1. Holy cow...I want a weekend like yours! I'm married & I still think you got more action than I did lol. I'm so ubberly (yeah I went there) happy that you met a nice fella you could swap spit with, yay you hot stuff! So what are the chances you & this mountain man will see each other again?

    I think it's awesome that your friends husband took your oldest under his father-like wings & taught him a few things. All dudes need that bonding time, regardless of whether it's their dad or not.

    Also, I laughed so hard at your stubbly legs/congealed boob sweat that I spit soda out of my nose...thanks for the laugh & yes your rule is totally right on. Happens every damn time.

  2. Lin, The Neighbor and I have been texting back and forth this week. We'll see where this goes...

  3. Wow, Jenny, this is so exciting! I'm very happy to read you and yours had a fun, out-of-town weekend. And texting with a male, so awesome!

    Regarding tampons, I highly recommend getting The Keeper (http://www.keeper.com/). I've had mine for 11-12 years. I don't care for putting a bleached, mass-produced, expensive product into my vag. It is small enough to be carried daily.

    Regarding tit pit, my sweat doesn't congeal like yours. My skin just stays wet and the bra edge stays moist and rubs rubs rubs my chest all day, creating a longish red welt under the tit during non-winter months as well as lots of little skin tags. Someone ought to come up with something to alleviate this chronic issue for bigger chested women (and men maybe).


  4. Hey Gail...texting with a male, I'm 14 again. Wooot!

    And you made me LOL with "tit pit". I've just about had it with this weather. Two hours on the playground yesterday in 90 degrees...I was a whole new species of funky. That bra may never recover.

  5. Don't Wisconsin women menstruate?

    Maybe it's the cheese (or beer?)

  6. Logic...I'm 100% certain that they do indeed menstruate. It was just a long drive into the "city". I made do with the enormous Kotex. Sigh.

  7. I know this post is over a year old (working my way through the archives here), but I'd just like to say that you are an inspiration in the getting some dept. I'm 34, and prior to having a one night stand this past summer, I had a dry spell of 6 years (hangs head in shame). I mean, I had a make out sesh here and there (like 2x/year or something pathetic like that), and assumed it would just get worse as I got older, but as I said, you are an inspiration, and giving me much hope!

    1. Ha! I love this. I'm glad to be an inspiration ANYWHERE, for any reason! Listen, it actually gets better and easier when you're older. Don't let the Debbie Downers fool ya. You are a baby right now...sweet Jesus what I wouldn't give to have my 34 year old body back! Just keep on taking care of yourself, girl.

      And don't ever hang your head in shame for not having sex. It's okay! Look at it this way: you waited until it was just right (even if it was just right for that one night). I'd rather have dry spells than too much regret.

      Thank you so much for reading :)


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