Again, borrowing inspiration from one of my favorite blogs, Linny's Vault. For no reason in particular, other than I know I love reading this kind of stuff. Especially when you have something in common with the person writing it...you can get an "Oooh thank GOD I'm not the only one" moment, and that can sometimes make your day. Just knowing that somewhere out there, someone else gets it.
Without any further ado, here is my very own TEN ON TUESDAY!
1. Few things in life can hamper your day like an ill-fitting workout bra. I have ONE that I like, it's by a brand called "Shock Absorbers" of all things. Because I need a reminder that my mass is so great that simply moving about the earth creates shocks needing absorption. P.S. I just about fainted when I saw how much those babies go for...I got mine for $2.00 at the thrift store last year, brand new with tags attached. Had I known they were apparently lined with mink and stitched with solid gold thread, I would have probably sold it. But I'm glad I didn't, I love this thing.
2. Today I composed an email, felt that old familiar gut-wrenching pang, took a deep breath and hit send. An email to whom, you must be dying to know? A famous person? A potential lovah? What on earth could cause such inner turmoil? It was my yearly plea to Big Daddy for his help with back to school shopping. I've already spent a tiny fortune and the two high schoolers don't have anything that they need yet, supply-wise. They don't get their supply lists until the first day of school, so that makes for a few fun nights that first week.
I don't think he helped out last year, aside from *maybe* a new pair of shoes for William. We'll see how he responds. I'm not holding my breath but you never know...maybe all those fuzzy warm "new daddy" feelings will extend out to his older kids.
3. I had an epiphany last night. There are 18 weeks left in this year. I have failed, in epic proportions, to do anything good with myself so far this year, despite a very good start. I am a big fatty again, complete with a muffin top that moves on its own accord. The self-loathing I've been experiencing all summer long has been awful, and once again, has hampered not only my life, but the lives of my kids. It's been another summer of mom not wanting to do anything that would require me shedding my burka/uniform of fat girl capris and big ugly man t-shirts. Another summer that I spent avoiding people, turning down invites and generally feeling like a giant, squishy freak when I did venture out and about. I won't go into the volumes of excuses I have. Bottom line is, I failed and I'm sick of failing. And I'm sick of not liking myself. How on earth am I going to ever land a lovah if even I don't like me? Things have to change.
Well...last night, as I was getting the calendar figured out, and I realized that there are 18 weeks left of this year, I decided to try and challenge myself. Not so much in a "cut out all fats sugars carbs and processed foods and workout every single day" way, rather in a "let's try to grow, let's try new things, let's get out of this god-forsaken rut" way. I'll be babbling on about it in a day or two. In the meantime, if you have any suggestions for new things you think I should try (a new workout idea, new foods, new ANYTHING), please let me know. (and yes, Whitney. I will be joining you at hot yoga.)
3. School starts next week. September 6th. Which means I go back to work. And I will admit here, in front of all 17 of you: I am dreading it. Dreading every aspect of it, except for the part of seeing all of my sweet kids again. I'm dreading the early mornings, I'm dreading trying to figure out what to wear, I'm dreading the homework, the conferences, the wincing every time I get an email or call from one of the schools. The only thing I'm not really, totally and completely dreading is getting the inmates out of the house for a nice chunk of the day. These people can eat.
4. I have finished all three of The Hunger Game books. And I'm now left wandering around the house, half-heartedly fingering the spines of other books I have here, feeling depleted and hollow. Ok, not that bad but OMG. I loved those books. I have turned into one of those creepy moms who will shove people out of my way when I run to get my seat at the midnight showing of The Hunger Games movie when it comes out in March. (March 23rd, 2012 in case you want to go ahead and mark your calendars, too). (What do you mean, you're an adult? Have you read these things?)
5. We watched the MTV Video Music Awards as a family the other night. Aside from Dave Grohl and the rest of the Foo Fighters, and a few other random acts, I thought it was awful. I even said to Molly, at one point, "My heart breaks for your generation! This is like a bad movie." Have I become one of those crusty old bitchy people who don't understand the lyrics of anything and no longer recognize anyone in Us Weekly? Or are the music acts and the songs and all of it truly sucky? I did, however, shed a few tears at the Amy Winehouse tribute. What a terrible waste.
And I'm sorry, but Lady GaGa is no longer innovative or risk taking. The fact that she made Britney Spears appear demure, mature and sophisticated kind of rang that bell for me.
6. I love my friends Danielle and Charlie. Charlie is Danielle's hubby, and he's a teacher who like most teachers, ends up with an impressive collection of spare school supplies. Lots and lots of them. This year, they graciously offered to let me come peruse the selection and try to knock a few items off of our back-to-school supply lists. Peruse I did, and I walked away from their house with a giant Ikea bag full of notebooks, pens, pencils, scissors, a protractor, a compass, SHARPIES!!, markers, etc. All brand new. I haven't told them this part, but as I drove home I cried a little. They are two of the best people on this planet.
7. This computer sucks. It's ancient. When I was growing up, a friend of mine had this old dog. Some sort of spaniel breed, one of those with the big rolling eyeballs. When I first started hanging out with this friend, we'd be sitting in her living room, watching tv or whatever, and I'd notice the dog would just freeze. Just stop, and stand there like someone had tapped it with a time-stopping wand. A few moments would pass, and then the dog would just carry on, like nothing had happened. My friend explained to me that this was the dog having seizures. Not funny at all, of course, except that my computer does the same damn thing. And every time it does, I think of that poor old dog, standing there with its tongue hanging out, staring into space.
8. AT&T stinks. My phone doesn't work in my house. I called, for the 10th time, earlier this month and gave my usual litany of woes to the poor sap who answered the phone. He was pretty cool, and I kept apologizing to him for saying "you guys" and "your company" when I know he's just another one of their lackeys workin' for the man. I ended up with a $250.00 credit on my account, which is nice, but doesn't make up for the fact that I'm paying a sick amount of money every month for something that works sporadically. Contract is up in March, and I will be celebrating that and the release of The Hunger Games by getting into bed with either Verizon or T-Mobile. Or Sprint. Or Virgin. Haven't decided yet. But I'm ready.
9. Sons of Anarchy starts next week. Getting my body pillow prepped. Love me some dirty biker boys.
10. My birthday is in September. I'll be 45. Five years ago, when I embraced my forties at a fun party held in our town's awesome grungy dive bar, I was wearing size 6 Levi's and a size SMALL t-shirt that had a picture of a martini on it and the words "Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner" printed below it. If you had pulled me aside that night, and told me what all would transpire over the next 5 years, I would have cried. Thank God none of my friends time-traveled that night. But, despite all of the absolute dreck the kids and I have gone through, I probably wouldn't change a thing. We've certainly suffered, we've for sure endured losses. But I've gained things (and not just a layer of cellulite on my stomach. YES, cellulite on my stomach, people. I am like a female, non-bearded Santa Claus). One of the most precious things I've gained has been a new perspective. I know the stuff that matters now, the things we truly cannot live without. From time to time, I'll get misty eyed thinking about the things I lost: granite countertops, my Target Visa, health insurance...but my rebound time is getting better.
I'm determined to make 45 an awesome year.
And that's all she wrote, folks. Blog friends, try this post and then link to Linny's Vault (on the bottom of her post).
Have a spectacular evening, friends. And please don't look too closely at the cottage cheese on my belly. God help me.