Random Vents and one Yay

You know that up and down look some woman do, when you walk into their airspace, or they into yours? That quick evaluating look, sometimes followed by a curled lip, sometimes with a tiny smile, sometimes with nothing except the same vapid expression they had on before they scanned you? That look sucks. I know it's a habit for some of us, something that we've done since we first noticed that people look different from each other. I get that. I have friends who do it, and they are lovely people.

But if you do it, and you know you do it, try to stop. Or at least try to make yourself less obvious. It's a harmless thing, really, but it can make someone who already feels pretty freaking iffy about their appearance feel more like a turd with two legs. The person you're scanning, she probably knows that her jeans are out of date, that she doesn't have the right purse/haircut/makeup. She doesn't need your bitchy up and down sniff of judgment.

Non-custodial parents? When you bring your kids back to their mom/dad at the end of your visitation time, please do us the small courtesy of returning all of the clothes we sent them with. And it would be extra-special-sweet if those clothes were returned washed. Especially sports uniforms. Especially sports uniforms that were worn on muddy fields. Thanks.

People in general? When someone holds a door open for you, or lets you go ahead of them in line at the grocery store, or basically does something that they didn't have to do but did because they are a semi-decent human being? Can you, at the very least, grunt some sort of thank you? Doesn't even have to be audible. Maybe a nod, with some eye contact. The fact that you don't acknowledge this tiny bit of kindness won't hinder me or most other people from continuing to do it, but damn. A "thank you" would be nice once in a while.

People in cars? You ever see those signs, big signs on the street that have a bright yellow background and picture of a person walking on them? Those are called "crosswalk signs" and in pretty much every state here in the U.S., they mean that the pedestrians trying to cross the road have the right of way.

I'm not a total moron, I'm cautious at the crosswalks. I love my dog too much to just walk ahead, balls out, eye forward, point being made. So I'll stand there, and count on your knowledge of basic driver/pedestrian laws to slow your vehicle down so I can cross. Please don't honk at me, or shout garbled insults at me, or sit there and gun your engine as I cross (all of which happen on a regular basis). Someday it will be your kid on her bike trying to cross, or your wife with your baby in a stroller, or your mom and her Xanax prescription clutched in her hands. Have mercy on us all, please.

Speaking of dogs...dog owners, please pick up your dog's shit. It takes less than a minute to grab a few plastic bags on your way out, and less than that to pick up the poop itself. I know, it's one of the most awful tasks a person can do, picking up a hot, slimy pile of feces, but for the love of God. Just do it. And please toss the bag of poo in a garbage can. I simply cannot understand how someone will go to the trouble of picking up the crap, tying the bag securely, and then dumping said tied bag on the sidewalk. Really?

Tina Fey? You know I love you. The restraining order says so. But I'm finishing up Bossypants and I have to say, boo for your blip about the time you were fat. And you were a ginormous SIZE 12. Oh Tina. All that talk about woman power and it still comes down to the numbers? I will always worship the ground you walk on, but I'm a little more self-conscious now.

Blogger? I understand that you had server issues and that's what caused the nearly 30 hour outage last week. I get it. I pay nothing for the privilege of using your site for this little blog so I don't have much bitch-and-moan room. But I'm bummed about you deleting the comments from my last post. I love hearing from my 8 or 10 regular readers, and not being able to read what they had to say made me sad.

And here is an accolade, instead of a vent: To the people who wrote and acted in "The Bridesmaids"?

Thank you. It's been a long, long time since I've paid full price for a movie and didn't feel totally ripped off. In fact, my friends and I agreed that we need to rustle up even more hens and see it again at the local Cinema Cafe when it plays there.

It's hard to pinpoint my favorite bit. I liked the airplane scene (the male flight attendant? Perfect.). I liked when Kristin Wiig drove back and forth in front of the cop, trying to get his attention (the low rider, gangsta one was the best. Followed by the faux-drinking of the 40-ounce). The bathroom scene. That was classic. I really liked pretty much everything that Melissa McCarthy said or did. Kudos to her as an actress, and as a woman, for allowing herself to appear on camera as Megan. Chick must be one strong, self-confident lady. Certainly, a hilarious one.

So, there you have it. Yes, the up and down look happened to me today, and yes, it made me feel like crap. I know, I know...no one can make you feel like crap besides you but still. The fact that it was a chinless, boobless doofus doing the looking was small comfort when I already felt just blechhy about myself, about my hopelessly outdated mom clothes, about my increasingly Michelle Duggar-esque hair. I need a makeover, a head-to-toe makeover, pronto.

Hope you all had a beautiful weekend, had a chance to laugh, some time with your friends, some relaxing moments, a bit of quiet time.

I had all of those, plus much more. And I'm feeling pretty good.