This time, however, it's all about them Mommy Bloggers. I know, I know, my second post in a couple of weeks about this particular branch of the Blogging Family Tree. I promise I'm not out to get them. And truth be told, some people do consider yours truly a Mommy Blogger. I won an award for it and everything (2013 Top Single Mommy Blog from Parenting.com, yo)(and what's with the tiny font size, guys?!). While I don't consider myself a mommy blogger, apparently other people do.
And so I began thinking about this concept, this crazy idea of a show that features Mommy Bloggers in their day to day life. I like a good reality show as much as the next television addict, but what in the world would this program look like? Would it show an Instagrammy-pretty Mommy playing with her cute kiddos, getting dinner ready and carving a few moments out of her hectic day to sit on the couch with her laptop and type out some cute musings about motherhood and marriage and life? What if it was going to be like that fingernails-on-a-chalkboard Honest Company commercial featuring Valley Girl/Cute Mom Ryan McGee?
It, like, started with their suuuper cute diapers? And like, now we totally use like, alllll of their ahhhmazing products!
Or would it be more Duggar-like? Mayhap more along the lines of John and Kate Plus 8? I mean, really...I love women who write just as much as the next person but is there enough fodder in our lives for an entire 30 minutes of airtime?
The kids and I were in the kitchen a few nights ago, me getting dinner ready and them gathering like a pack of starving hyenas who have detected the scent of an injured animal. As I held them at bay while putting the finishing touches on another healthy, made-from-scratch meal (ha! Spaghetti and garlic bread, homies)...I said to the
Their reactions were all pretty much the same: rolled eyeballs, laughs and the unanimous declaration that we are quite possibly "the most boring family, ever". I protested a little as I drained the noodles. "Oh come on! Think of all the funny talks we have! What about the fun parties that happen and all the witty banter between us?"
Molly, the 19 year old freshman home from college, laughed and said "Mom, seriously? What would they show? You, falling asleep on the couch while watching a Lifetime movie?" Bazinga, Molly.
Henry, 17, paused while spooning sauce onto his plate long enough to tell me "if this ever happened, I can guarantee you I'd never be here. Like, ever."
And then young William piped in. "What would they show? Me in my room playing Xbox? Nobody would want to see that, Mom." William, you don't know how many people are fascinated by the habits of 14 year old adolescents. As long as the smell of your room isn't detectable through t.v. screens it's all good.
The kids got me thinking. Of course, they had valid points. But so did I! True, we are kind of boring. But we have discussions and debates that rival my least favorite over-talking family on television, the Bravermans. Molly and I go back and forth with the cute dialogue just like the Gilmore Girls! And what about my hens? There are stories I could tell about what happens when my friends sit down on the porch and the wine flows. What happens on the porch, stays on the porch...unless there's a check from a production company involved.
I began thinking what the plot summaries would sound like if our life was put on television:
Hilarity ensues when Jenny decides to do a kettle bell DVD in the living room...unbeknownst to her, Henry records it and uploads the video to Twitter where it blows up with the tag #workthosebellsmom
Join us tonight for a very special episode. Jenny asks the age-old question "Who keeps taking these huge dumps and doesn't flush??"
Things get crazy when Jenny comes home from Costco and yells at the kids to help her bring the bounty into the house. Watch what happens when a mom who just spent $250 on food hears one of her brood mutter, "There's never anything good to eat in this house".
On tonight's episode, Jenny thinks about re-opening her eHarmony account. Luckily she's distracted by some cute squirrels playing in the yard. Will she ever find love? And how do squirrels stay warm in the winter?
It's Friday night! As numerous teens fill the basement with Taco Bell and laughter, Jenny colors her hair and makes a martini. Things get emotional when she watches a video of a giraffe giving birth and wonders just how tough it must be to push out something with hooves.
I can't even begin to imagine the deluge of applications the production company is getting. Mommy Bloggers are quite possibly the most prolific of all web-based writers, and their numbers are only increasing: a recent study revealed that over 4 million babies are born every year, and roughly 80% of those babies will end up with a mommy who blogs.* Anyone who writes online and makes it public isn't shy, people. Oh sure, a lot of us may be introverts but deep down, we just want to be loved. By millions of people. I blame Dooce.
Did I apply? Maybe I did. And maybe I didn't. I don't know if the world is ready for the nonstop hilarity and tender moments that fill the hours of my days. But we did manage to make the freakshow Kardashian clan famous, right? Stranger things could happen.
Oh, and if you happen to be a blogger and want to throw your laptop into the ring? Here's a link to the application. Good luck, ladies!
*I made this up. There was no study.