It's been a while since I've done a Ten!  All of the planets are aligned tonight, however...I've made dinner, the kids are all getting along, I'm in that sweet slice of evening between not-tired-enough-to-relax and can't-keep-my-eyes-open. It's time for a Ten, people.

1. Blood, vomit or poop: what would you rather clean up? In my line of work it's not uncommon to deal with all three of these bio-hazards (sometimes all in the same day). My co-workers and I have all declared which one is "ours" to handle when it may come up (haha...get that pun? Come up?). Me? I can handle vomit. In fact, I could probably clean up puke with one hand while stuffing a sandwich into my mouth with the other. Seriously. And poop. I'd probably put the sandwich down while cleaning up the crap, but after a thorough hand-washing I'd be good to go.

But not blood. I cannot handle blood. If a child comes up to me, crying and bleeding, I have to compose myself enough to find one of the other teachers. It's not just the blood, it's the added insult of seeing one of the kids, ANY of the kids, hurt. That just makes my mommy senses tingle...and not in a good way.

2. Speaking of tingling senses....I've discovered an old/new show on Netflix: "Longmire". It's about a sad, sexy sheriff in Wyoming who reminds me of Harrison Ford without that goofy old-man earring. And Lou Diamond Phillips is on it too. I used to think his head was freakishly small but I have to say, he's aging well. So now I have to alternate between that show and doling out the last few episodes of "Psych". Which, if you haven't watched yet? You're missing out on some serious guffaws. If you liked Scrubs..you'll like Psych. Imagine J.D. and Turk as Psychic Investigators. There.

3. Fellow curly haired ladies? What's the best smoother product you've found? I got about 7" of hair cut off my Duggar mane and for some reason this shorter length does nothing but frizz out. It's like a grayish orangish version of this greatness right here:

My God, that woman was funny.  *sniff*

4. So you'd think that a little cup containing nothing but pink grapefruit slices would be a relatively guilt-free snack, right? I bought a big container of them at Costco last week. Didn't even bother using my Weight Watchers Points Plus calculator. The nutritional information is in really small print and I didn't have the right lighting. So after inhaling a container of them during my lunch, I took advantage of the good lighting and plugged in the info. 3 points! Usually fruits and veggies are zero points. I was so sad. I had visions of me eating these cups all day long. I wish they were packed in water, not juice (insert unhappy fat girl emoticon right here).

5. Aaaaand that was where my eyes shut last night. Hence the title of today's post. But I'm awake now and have an hour before work and I feel the blog mojo coursing through my veins so here we go.

6. Sometimes when I'm out walking, I think of baby names. If I had another boy, I'd name him Walter. Yes, after my dog. I am fully aware of the fact that my poor old ovaries are like two hideous maracas rattling in my pelvic region but this is where my mind wanders on walks. These are my imaginary babies so please, no judging. I'd name my pretend baby girl Marilyn.

7. Speaking of babies, I had a funny memory this morning. For a few years after Big Daddy left, Molly was hellbent on getting a sweet little baby sister from China. In fact, for a persuasive argument essay in elementary school, she wrote out the most earnest, most persuasive argument ever about why I should have adopted a baby girl from China (my favorite line, "Mom, wouldn't it be fun to have three girls in our house?"). Don't think my enabling ass didn't think about it for a nanosecond. But then I remembered that I had four kids who were already beginning to resemble the cast of South Park plus I was pretty sure you are required to not be a broke single mom in order to adopt.

But if my ship ever does come in? I'm totally going to figure out how to do it.

8.  You know those moments you have, when you're talking to someone and they say something so outrageously offensive or inappropriate that you cannot believe what you're hearing? And it's not until later that day, when you're alone in your car or in the bathroom, when you conjure up a really good response?  I was talking to someone a couple of weeks ago, and they said, "I still think it's funny how dysfunctional kids are drawn together at school. Like messed up moths to a flame." Yeah. They said that, to me. The responses I came up with later that day are far too numerous and bitchy to type out. I'm still not quite believing they said this to me.

9. I'm pretty much over the middle aged hipster thing. If I see one more graying, ironic beard or handlebar mustache I might have to get physical. Don't get me wrong...there's a place and a time and a face for facial hair. But dudes...we get it. You're still cool even though you're getting older. Relax. That Temple of the Dog t-shirt says it all.

10. And speaking of dogs..I'm reaching that creepy point in my dog-ownership where the realization that dogs don't live a long time is sinking in. A few of Walter's buddies have died over the past year, and it's hard to think about. I catch myself looking at him for signs of age.."Is he walking funny? Do his hips hurt? I bet his hips hurt. My God..he's dying." And I've started saying to the kids, "He's not going to be around forever, you guys...LOVE HIM." He's only 7. I need to get myself out of this mindset, so I've been forcing myself to just love him and to make sure he is happy. Which means many long walks, those awful bones he likes from the meat section of the grocery store (don't get me started on how sad cows make me, people) and enjoying special Jenny/Walter time on the Golden Girls Porch.

Dammit, now I'm all misty and it's time to go to work. Here's a funny that my friend Amanda shared the other day. She gets me. She really gets me.

Happy Hump Day!


  1. Oh, I saw a "commercial" for Longmire before Ironman 3 (don't even get me started as to how insulting it is that I pay $10.50 a pop to watch COMMERCIALS!), and thought it looked good. I will have to hunker down and make Jay watch that with me while he's out of commission for his sinus surgery in July. :)

    I think of you every time I see that commercial, my friend. I love it even more now than I did before.

    And now, I feel compelled to write a blog post about. . . well, nothing, but I feel like writing, so thanks for that! :)

    1. Oh poor Jay! Yes, watch it. I'm sure he'll like it too.

      Iron Man 3...swoooooon. I love RDJ!

      SHE SOUNDS HIDEOUS. I want that on a t-shirt.

      Get to writing, lady.

  2. Michael and Hannah - those are the kids I didn't get to have. Turning 50 this year, and I still want them. Crazy, I know.

    But, speaking from unfortunate personal experience, kids do seek out their own level, friends-wise, emotionally/developmentally. One good therapist (and, believe me, there are tons of bad ones) told us that we'd know our teen daughter was doing better when she started befriending more functional people. She was right. I'm wondering why that comment upset you, I guess. Was it directed at one of your own kids?

    1. Suburban: I can see why that was confusing..I left out the part about it being directed at kids who come from single parent homes. That's why it chapped my hide. I am so overly sensitive about being a single mom, don't know why. With my oldest having so many issues it made me kind of paranoid..."is it because he's being raised by me and me alone that this has happened??". I get defensive. But...I have to say, most of my kid's friends come from two-parent households. The 7th grader is making some interesting choices right now, so I sense that I'm in for another stretch of challenges :)

      I like what that therapist said. And I agree. It always makes me happy when I look around at the friends in my children's lives and see what great kids they are. Even the ones who come from single parent homes...

    2. Ha! Larry and I refer to ourselves as the "control set," because our experiences as a married couple raising kids show that it apparently isn't single parentdom that causes crazy teens.

  3. You are one strong lady. I HATE cleaning up vomit...the smell, the chunks, it just gets my stomach churning. I think I would choose the poop.

    I love that you referenced Temple of the Dog.

    And if you ever get some of the State Farm t-shirts made up, order an extra one for me...maybe just get them in bulk for all of your followers. That is one great ad. Have you seen the Kmart one about "shipping". Had me crying!

  4. Your friend is hysterical - Jake from State Farm. Lol.

    I've had about eight dogs since college. Each of them passed before I was ready. So hard to lose a friend that loves you like they do. Keep hugging Walter. You should have some more happy years with him.

  5. #8. Story of my life. Can never think of the right thing at the moment. I like the world of writing (where I can revise).

  6. I have the curliest hair... ever. If i don't straighten it, I tend to look the a mushroom from old school nintendo games. Whether I straighten it or keep it curly, which is rare unless it's a 100 degree summer day, in which case the thought of sitting under a blowdryer makes me want to jump off a bridge, I use (CHEAP) Beyond The Zone Straightening Balm (http://www.sallybeauty.com/beyond-the-zone-straight-shot-balm/SBS-140658,default,pd.html) MIXED IN MY HAND with (EXPENSIVE)Moroccan Oil(http://www.moroccanoil.com/usa/h_us_en). It's a science but it works on everyone. Good Luck!

  7. Love that dog like crazy. We just had to put our Yellow Lab, Hallie, down yesterday. She was only 8 and had a tumor (and kidney) removed in 2/2012, then we found out she had a tumor on her remaining kidney in Feb. We gave her a good 15 months from the diagnosis, and spoiled her beyond anything you could imagine, but the grief is still unbearable. I've had a migraine for 3 days from crying before, during and after...every time I see anything she had anything to do with. And all I see are yellow Labs...everywhere. TV, Facebook..and then here. Love him while you have him!


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