What do you do...

What do you do, when out of nowhere you find yourself

Sad
Mad
Grief-stricken
Worried
Ashamed
Scared
Hateful

What do you do when one or two or ALL of these feelings barge in and make themselves at home in your

Heart
Head
Soul
Gut
Spine
Psyche
Dreams
Nightmares

What do you do when you're trying to go about your day, your life, like you do every single day.  Being

A mom
A friend
A daughter
A sister
A neighbor
A co-worker
A teacher
A wife
A person

What do you do?  Here's what I do.  I

Stop
Acknowledge what I'm feeling
Think about why that feeling found me
Allow that feeling to stay, but just for a moment

Then, I

Think about what has happened in my life
Think about what I've overcome
Think about what the 90 year old me would have to say about what I was just feeling
Think about where I was 20 years ago, then 10 years ago, then 5.  Then where I was last year.  Last month.
Think about who my friends were back then.
Think about who they are now.
Think about all the good that has flowed my way.
Think about the good I've tried to pass on.

And then, I

Try to imagine what my children will be like as adults. As spouses. As friends.  As parents.
Try to imagine what I would tell my children if they asked me what to do when they start feeling

Sad
Mad
Grief-stricken
Worried
Ashamed
Scared
Hateful

What will I tell them?

I'll tell them

That they are perfect.
That they are loved.
That they are good.
That they matter.
That they have made my life better
and fuller
and richer
and happier

Just by being born.

Lately I've found myself in a good spot.  A healing spot.  A happy spot. But those feelings, they surprise me.  They come out to play now and again. They ambush me. Sometimes they knock the wind out of me, and sometimes they are as quiet as a spider spinning a web.  Sometimes I know exactly why I'm feeling that way. Sometimes it's a mystery.  

I'm trying to navigate this life, and some days it's hard. Some days I breeze through it like wind through a screen.  And some days, it's a little bit of both.

There are days when I want, more than anything, for time to stop, and go in reverse just so I can try to fix whatever broke.  There are days I want time to speed up, just to get us through a rough patch.  But lately I have been accepting time for what it is:  it is a never-ending, always-changing gift.

I can choose to sit here and think about the past and the stress and the wrongs. Or I can choose to open up each day, each gift and try to

Learn
Teach
Heal
Comfort
Nurture
Laugh
Love  and

Live.

Today, I live.  I will learn, I will teach, I will heal, I will comfort, I will nurture, I will laugh and I will love.



Today, I will live.