Yes, lame, I know. But it's early and I'm doing this with only one coffee in me so cut me some slack, okay?
We are officially one week away from my BIG TRIP. One week from today, I will be even more insane than I am today.
That's kind of scary.
For those of you who live in a semi-normal world, travel probably isn't a big deal. You buy your tickets, you get on the plane, and you go have fun or do your business or whatever. And a million years ago, that used to be how I lived. Spring break? Hell yeah! Let's go to Cancun! What's that? We should go to New York for the weekend? I totally agree. Let's go!
I haven't been on anything that remotely resembles a "vacation" since before Charlie was born.
HE IS 18 YEARS OLD.
When Big Daddy and I were married, the farthest we ever traveled was to South Dakota for a wedding. Oh sure, we talked about taking family vacations, but remember...I was the first wife, the one who loved him in his "Willy Loman" phase. We considered a family dinner at Fuddrucker's to be a treat of epic proportions. By the time he started pulling down the big money, he was already groin-deep in Secretary...so a family trip was not very high on his To Do list, if you know what I mean. He had other things To Do.
John McCain and I did go to Chicago for the weekend once, about 4 years ago during one of our other times together. That was the last time I was on an airplane. I found out I had lice three days after we got back. That was one time I'm sure he was grateful to have less than a full head of hair.
So suffice it to say, I am all kinds of crazy right now. There's trip anxiety, packing panic, and oh so much GUILT. My friends and acquaintances (which means, all twenty two of you) have told me to knock it off. That it's high time I have some fun, and to relax and to leave the guilt here at home.
I'm trying. But it's not easy. I even have Dog Guilt.
I think the bulk of my guilt is stemming from the absolute absurdity of it all. Broke ass Jenny going out of the country on a whirlwind four day vacation. The same Jenny who, just this morning, checked her bank balance on her phone before getting out of bed (and saying "Shit." after seeing said balance). The same Jenny who has begun feeling the annual Holiday Dread creeping in already. The same Jenny who talks in third person. That's me, by the way.
It smacks of hypocrisy, it reeks of fraud. The poor person inside of me is absolutely weeping over the cost of it all. Granted, it's not my money, but still...
Anyhoo. So there you have my travel rantings. Sadly, there will be more.
In the meantime, here's thum thtuff. Some random thoughts and observations.
1. I'm thinking that at some point on the trip (yes, here I go again..told ya), I'm going to have to ask McCain to pee all over the toilet seat in our hotel room. Just so I can feel at home.
2. Can I tell you how much I hate those Hyundai "Don't tell mom" commercials? They need to show Dad getting a lap dance, and then looking over at his kids saying, "Don't tell mom". I dare them to do that. Gauntlet thrown down, Hyundai.
3. Did you see I mentioned commercials up there? Yes, that's right. I have officially become Comcast's bitch again. Please don't judge. It's getting cold here. They had a deal I couldn't refuse. It lasts six months and then it will be getting warm again so I'll cut it off again. Until then? I am awash in television.
4. Speaking of television, my beloved daughter had a health scare this weekend. We spent some time in the emergency room and she missed three days of school. She is 100% today though, and going back to school with glee (ok not with glee but she is going back). I learned a lot while we dealt with this little illness...
a. Put pretty much any guy in scrubs and he gets a little bit hotter.
b. When the guy starts talking about his wife, he's no longer hot. At least to me.
c. I love my daughter so much, it hurts.
d. I don't know about you guys, but if I got a text saying one of my kids was in the emergency room, I'd be there so fast there would be smoke tendrils trailing from my heels. I probably wouldn't wait and hour and a half before responding. And then not show up. Just saying.
e. Kidney stones are excruciating.
f. Moms and dads who are caring for a child who is critically ill are heroes. And their kids are, too. Do you know anyone in this situation? Give them some love.
5. Three of my favorite hens have lost their fathers recently. They all had very close relationships with their dads, and are understandably devastated. My heart is breaking for them...but I want them to know that one good thing is coming from this: I am patching things up with my own dad. I can't let another day go by without telling him that I love him, and that I'm sorry for being a cuckoo daughter and that he means the world to me. Watching my friends deal with the loss and the grief was a big eye opener. Now go hug your dad, if you can. Or at least give him a call.
6. I have some amazing friends. One of them showed up at our front door a couple of days ago, with a bag of "get well" groceries (from Whole Foods, yo...I have classy, organic friends, too) and some travel size goodies for me. I guffawed out loud when I found the "air freshening" candle in the bag. You know that sucker is coming with me for sure. I'm already feeling the bathroom anxiety, folks. The candle should help. Poor McCain. Who knew I could pack so much crazy into a carry-on?
And now I must get ready for my exciting day.
I'm livin' the dream, people. You try and do the same.