Ten on Tuesday

Random thoughts, observations, confessions and rants on an absolutely gorgeous September morning. Thanks to Lin at Linny's Vault for linking up the Ten on Tuesdays again!

1. The Missoni for Target line launched today and I am sitting here, seriously considering leaving my house in my current state (sweaty from my walk and with high octane tuna breath from my lunch) and going there. Going there with the $104.00 in my checking account. Yeah, it's not going to happen. I will keep my fingers crossed that a few months from now, as I'm lurking in the clearance area of Women's Shoes, I'll find a pair of the Missoni Rain Boots marked down to $4.97. In my size.

Actually, now that I really look at them, they're not all that great. I mean, really...I am the person who spends 99% of her time in jeans/yoga pants/sexually ambiguous hoodies and fleece jackets. And the 1% of the time I'm not wearing those I wish I was. Kind of silly for me to get all hot and bothered about this stuff. Mayhap I should click over to the Columbia website and check out the new fleece for fall. Sigh.

2. Do you ever go on long streaks of eating one certain thing? I do. And for the past week it's been tuna salad and Premium Fat Free saltines. I have to stop soon before I develop mercury poisoning but I'm sitting here next to a bowl of tuna and crackers and feel as though life is just fine and dandy for the moment. And my version of tuna salad? Tuna (doy), Miracle Whip Lite (are we going to have a problem now? I like it. End of story.) and about 10 baby dill pickles all chopped up.

I. Am. A. Man.

3. One of the scariest things ever happened at school yesterday. A first grade boy, one of my favorite kids there (and yes I realize I say that about almost every kid but this one in particular makes my ovaries ACHE), had a seizure on the playground. One minute he's playing football, the next he's on the ground. I've never seen anyone have a seizure before, never felt that kind of helplessness. All I could do was hold his sweaty little head in my hands and wait for the nurse to get there. Which she did, in record time. End of story? He's fine, we did all the right things for him and he is most likely back at school today, playing football and stealing the hearts of every grown up he encounters. But I could live the rest of my life in peace if I never had to see anyone go through that again.

4. I love focus groups. Last week I attended one about dog food (showed up, they said they overbooked, handed me $100 and said "Thank you, you can leave."). Last night did one about baked beans. I think the highlight of the night was when the moderator guy asked us, "If this can of baked beans was a person, and this person knocked on your door, who would it be?". I said, "Mike Rowe from Dirty Jobs." The guys said, and I'm not kidding: "Mike Rowe dirty, or Mike Rowe cleaned up?". I said the latter. I will do just about anything for $75, apparently. Today I have one about soup. Judge me all you want, I'm going to be filling the gas tank of my truck with soup money in about 3 hours. This is how we roll in the lower class, ladies.

5. Finally, thank the good Lord and that mean bitch Mother Nature, the heat has ended here in Minneapolis. Today it's in the 70's, breezy, sunny...perfect. I think I would give up both caffeine and sex if it meant I could have good sleeping weather like this for the rest of my days. Ok, who am I kidding. Just the caffeine. The sex is so rare it's not much of sacrifice these days.

6. Mean people really do suck. One of my best friends was insulted at Costco yesterday, completely unprovoked, completely random and out of the blue. A bitter, angry old man yelled something rude and cruel to her as he drove by her in the parking lot. When she told me, I wanted to go all Charlie's Angels and track that effer down. Why are people like that? I have to think that they are so utterly miserable or riddled with mental illness that it leaks out of them like it did with the man in the parking lot. But that's no excuse. My friend is a beautiful, strong, funny woman who didn't deserve that verbal slap in the face. I hope he has diarrhea in the middle of the night tonight.

7. Facebook. I can't decide if I am in love with it, or only go on it because I hate it so much that I can't quit it. I don't know if any of you remember the Craigslist/Segway guy I went out with? He's on facebook, and we're "friends". So every once in a while he'll shoot me a message, about something random. Once it was to ask if I was still collecting vintage Christmas stuff (I'm like an onion, there's layers. We'll get to my Christmas ornament hoard later). He said "I think of you every time I see them." (and no I didn't ask where the hell he is that he runs across vintage Christmas stuff). So I reply something lighthearted and upbeat and "oh haha you silly boy YOU REMEMBERED THAT, YOU MUST STILL THINK ABOUT ME". And then he doesn't respond. For about a month, and then there will be another little "oh hey, blah blah". So I can't decide if he's flirting, opening up the lines of communication or just trying to toy with me since I banned him from the backdoor and basically stopped seeing him because of it. But it's turning me into a facebook stalker and I don't like it. Like, if I see he posts, I'll click on it. And then maybe while I'm on his page I'll see what he's "liked" or commented on. Until I start to give myself the creeps. Sometimes I'm a little too much Single White Female for my liking.

8. Kids are back in school, it's the second week now and I am delighted to report that so far everything is smooth. Charlie hasn't overslept yet, and if you know me and our morning struggles, this is nothing short of a miracle. I even handled my first math freakout just fine. And yes, I meant MY freakout. William had a worksheet on metric stuff and my upper lip started sweating by the third question. Metrics made zero sense to me when I was in 5th grade..why are they still pushing this stuff on us? We're dong FINE with the old school way. Aren't we??

9. I'm now thinking maybe I should go to WebMd and see what the symptoms are for mercury poisoning. Last night I went on there to see what it means when you have a sudden weight gain that is centered primarily on your stomach. It said, "This usually means you are eating too much and not exercising enough, fat ass." Sigh.

10. New tv shows are starting soon...Ted Danson is taking the Grissom role on CSI this season. I'm thinking that show should have been ended a year ago. Laurence Fishburne, who is pretty awesome, couldn't even keep things exciting last year. We'll see how Sam Malone does. I'm thinking it's time for this one to retire.

Have a happy Tuesday my friends!