I just keep going and going and going.
No tears today, peeps. I'm feeling good.
Thanks in no small part to the people in this world whom I call "friends", I am going to be ok. Made the bills, made the rent. With $30.00 to spare (woo hoo....hope the kids are in the mood for spaghetti...I know I am!).
My attorney, bless her heart, has found an expert in this whole wages garnishment thing and today we find out if I get my $800.00 back. Keep your fingers crossed for me. If I do, it's seriously a blessing. If I don't? Chalk it up to yet another hurdle, another learning experience...another bump in the road I'm on.
I've learned a lot about myself over the past week.
One: I'm stronger than I believe.
Two: My kids are like little trees in a storm. You stand at your front window and watch them bend so far over that they are defying the very laws of physics when they don't snap in two. But they don't. They weather the storm. After the skies clear you go out and check them over, sure you'll see a fatal crack or at least some trauma. But they're fine. And they will go through many more storms and survive again and again until they've grown so strong and so tough that even the biggest winds won't ruffle their leaves. That's a good thing.
Three: People are good. I have a long list of angels to whom (is that right? To who? Whom?) I owe at least a thanks to, and hopefully someday I can repay them with more than gratitude. You know who you are. You know what you did. Consider yourselves rockstars in my world. Your goodness was not a shocker to me, but it was like Ed Freaking McMahon showing up at my door. You gave me shelter from the howling wind and I will never, ever forget it. And p.s.: I'm not just talking about those anonymous souls who slipped me $$$ and toilet paper and Red Vines. Or even you goofball eBayers who bought some of my stuff. Some of you sent me messages, emailed me or just stopped me in the hall at school and gave me a hug. Some of you called me and just said that you're thinking about me. All of it, every last bit of support, has made an imprint on my heart. I love you guys.
Four: I am not the kind of person who loses weight when stressed. In fact, I'm the opposite. It's as if stress is a mad, dark fetus that inhabits my soul instead of my womb, feeding on the anxiety and terror. Holding on to every last calorie, every single fat gram and multiplying them. How interesting that Halloween came during what was probably the second scariest time of my life, which also happened to overlap with yet another mad-crazy dance with that skank, PMS. William and Henry helped a mother out though...they gave me their peanut butter M&M's and the Twizzlers. Good boys.
Five: I still think that although money can't buy you happiness, it can make the pursuit of happiness a helluva lot easier to...pursue. I hate the fact that my life is currently centered around the concepts of STAY ALIVE. STAY WARM. STAY FED. But it is. I know it won't be this way forever, and so I keep plugging along. I keep trying my hardest to pay it forward in the only way I can right now. Helping out when I'm able, doing the right thing, being the best person that I can be. Being a good mom, a good friend. In my fantasy world we would all be paid with good fortune instead of money. The more you give out, the more you get back. In my fantasy world "tea party" also still means cute little girls drinking pretend Earl Grey out of miniature ceramic teacups and political ads are against the law, but that's a whole nother post.
In the past I've often thought of my sometimes annoying optimism as a character flaw.
Now? I know it's a strength.
On a completely separate note: Please go out and vote today. I rarely, if ever, talk politics with ANYONE (I stopped doing that when my former BFF came to my house and ripped me a new one when she found out who I voted for in the last presidential election. She said, "Four years from now when our country has gone to hell I'm going to come thank you." Why aren't she and I friends anymore???)....but if you don't vote, you have zero right to complain. I'm taking William with me. My kids have accompanied me to just about every voting session I've attended since becoming a mom. Sometimes it's been a huge pain in my ass and the asses of my fellow, childless voters, but it's important. GO VOTE. Just don't ask me who I voted for, ok?