11/17/10

Getting all of my ducks in a row....

It's cathartic. It's hard, but cathartic.

I'm the kind of person who waits for things to happen. Now I am finding out that I need to try and be the kind who makes things happen. Not an easy task for a quiet wallflower to accomplish, but I think I'm starting to get the hang of it.

Well, that's kind of a lie. I don't know if I'll ever get the hang of it. Let's just say I'm learning how to pretend that I have the hang of it. Inside I'm still the child, wishing that someone would just come rescue me, and I suppose that's ok. But that child needs to learn to deal with some of life's crap like a big girl.

And that's what I'm doing.

Kind of like how a mom will cut up the food on her child's plate, to make it easier for them to navigate dinner....I'm getting all of my duckies set up in a nice neat row. To make it easier for me to pick them off, one by one.

I'm a nature lover, but these have got to be some of the nastiest ducks I've ever encountered. The foreclosure one stinks, the bankruptcy one scares me. The duck I call "debt" is a menacing one. But once you look these ducks in the eye, you realize that they aren't the be all and end all of anything. They're just ducks. Hurdles. Or whatever other metaphor you can come up with.

I'm saving the biggest, ugliest, meanest duck for last. That's the one I call Big Daddy.

He and Skankenstein are having a cozy, romantic getaway this weekend, to celebrate their anniversary. Our old anniversary, if you want to look at it that way. We would have been married 17 years.

I'm not bitter. Not anymore. I have found that it helps to think of myself as the pioneer in Big Daddy Land. I'm the owner of so many firsts with him: first lay, first house, first (and second and third and fourth) kid, first divorce....if he was the moon I'd be Neil Freaking Armstrong. Hell, if it wasn't for me being such an awful wife, he wouldn't have been so hard up and started sniffing the seat of the office bicycle. Now that I think of it, they have me to thank for this anniversary. Where is my cozy getaway?

Oh yeah, mine is going to be in a little town called Chisago Lakes, where I'll be watching William play hockey in his first tournament of the season. Which honestly sounds like more fun than faking orgasms and celebrating an event that, after just 3 short years, has profoundly affected so many lives. And not in a good way.

So anyhoo, back to the ducks.

I was glad to hear that Big Daddy has the financial means to take his sweetheart on a lover's retreat. Very glad. That means his finances (or his household finances) are healthy. He's going to be needing them.

My attorney, who absolutely kicked ass all over my checking account issue (got some of the $$$ back, just in time to pay for the duck I call "taxes"...more on that party later), is trying to decide what our next move is. I think seeing me go through this latest round of humiliation and aggravation gave her renewed motivation to seek justice on my behalf. On behalf of my kids.

We're going to wait for the bankruptcy to be officially filed and then move onto the task of making things right in Big Daddy Land. There are a few different options...garnishment, liens, levies, etc. None of which will be pleasant (I know this firsthand) but all of which will be another "first" for me and Big Daddy.

The first time he does the right thing. I guess it's still considered doing the right thing even if Lady Justice is standing behind him, pinning him in a martial arts arm hold, right?

We'll find out soon enough.

In the meantime, if we see each other or talk to each other over the next few days, go ahead and wish me a Happy Anniversary. We can have a laugh over it. I like laughing. I'm planning on doing a lot more of it in the weeks and months to come.

11 comments:

  1. I love you! Happy Anniversary!!!!

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  2. I like adult Jenny - you go girl, you go!

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  3. WAHHOOOOO!!!! LOVE LOVE LOVE NEW JENNY'S ATTITUDE!!! and even more than new Jenny's attitude I really love that FINALLY Big Daddy is going to have to pony up to his end of things. It is really fucking time. I say garnish wages right off the bat to make up for his "debt" to you....or throw him in jail until he does. I honestly don't know how the anger doesn't kill you. Glad it doesn't honestly, but it would be SO hard. Anyway, can't wait for him to finally do what he should've done so long ago even if it is with the strong arm of the law making him do it. Yipppeeeee!!
    ( sorry for the f-enheimer but it needed to happen.)

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  4. HAPPY EX-VERSARY!!

    i say take him to the cleaners!

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  5. Hes a scumbag!! Take him for all he's worth, Big Boy mandals and all :)

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  6. Jeni- I'm so proud of you. I'm looking forward to some great laughs with you soon.

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  7. I feel a little like an interloper. I'm not one of your galfriends but my daughter turned me on to your blog. I do know you and have for many years so I hope it's OK. I am completely blown away by "The Happy Hausfrau". It's frankness, humor and quality of writing is incredible.
    You have made me laugh and cry, sometimes in the same sentence. I know it takes tremendous courage to write about yourself like you have, and to know people are actually reading it. I am an avid reader and an amateur writer so I know wherefore I speak. You should think seriously about the possiblity of turning 'The Happy Hausfrau" into a new career with some potential earning power. Let me recommend books by Fay Weldon. A British writer that writes about her life in a similar style as you.
    Good luck taking "Big Daddy" to the financial woodshed. As a father, I cannot stomach a guy who doesn't support his children.
    Good Luck
    RL

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  8. Jenny, you write so goooood. Please consider a career in this once you have time for it. Consider it to be another duck for you to line up. It will be rewarding to read the details when it finally goes down and the lawyers stick it to B.D. (Big Daddy).

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  9. Love you Jenny and agree that you should write a book. You are my inspiration as I go through my own version of crap with my soon-to-be ex who is trying every possible way to get out of paying child support. BTW- I laughed so hard at the "Neil effing Armstrong" remark!

    The thought of men like Big Daddy (child support avoiders) having more children- or even considering having more children- is wrong on so many levels. Personally, I wouldn't consider being with or having children with someone who wasn't paying child support. Shame on wife version 2.0!
    Shannon

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  10. Quack Quack... Duck shooting season! It's about time! Enjoy plucking those feathers off Big Daddy! Happy ex anniversary! Hugs! Kelly

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