Yes, that could be the beginning of a very, very bad joke...but it's not.
I was just sitting here thinking about how there are several men (of course all some sort of quasi-celebrity/newsworthy person, because I have no life outside of my kids and t.v.) whom I think are absolutely delectable and totally trou-dropping.
Steve Buscemi. I know! But oh.my.god. I even hear his freaky voice and I get all happy.
Aaron Brown. Remember him, on CNN? He won my heart right after 9/11. Sexy Aaron.
John Goodman. Even really fat, sweaty John Goodman.
The cab driving guy on Cash Cab (he's the reason I started thinking about all of this...). He makes smart funnies while he's driving and quizzing. Love him. And I love the beginning of the show when he's wearing what is quite possibly the hottest look ever on my fantasy men: an oversized turtleneck sweater and jeans. Check it out. Or not. I bet you watch the whole show...it's that good.
John Larroquette. Remember him? Slimy lawyer Dan on the old show Night Court. Love him. I stalk him on Twitter.
John McCain. But not the old, current version, the one who looks like a Muppet with a hand shoved in his head making his mouth move. The young war prisoner John McCain.
James Hetfield. Lead singer of Metallica. I can trace this one back to the Spring Break trip to Cancun, the one where I played Metallica's Black Album on my Sony Walkman as I sat on the beach and stared at the ocean. That is still my happy place, and when I go there, guess what I hear?
Brian Dennehy. I know, he's what, 75 now? But even when he keeled over in Tommy Boy I loved him. And don't get me started with Cocoon.
And so on and so forth.
Of course, since our world is twisted and backwards and apparently so am I, my girl crushes are 100% red blooded and stereotypical.
Ali Larter...Dear God, the vodka commercials she's in now are like 40 second snippets of porn. Even for me! I watched Heroes all the way through the lame year just because of her.
Christina Aguilara. I had a really naughty dream about her a zillion years ago, while I was still married. To this day I feel dirty and ashamed when I hear her songs.
Any random girl chef on Top Chef. I loved the androgynous one last year. I forgot her name already, but I felt sad and empty when she got the boot. This season I like Kelly.
I know, I really need to get a hobby. Or maybe get back in the love saddle again (please don't Google "love saddle". Trust me.).
Here's the Cash Cab fellow in that sweater just in case you need a little send off. Sweet dreams!