As some of you know, I received word from Big Daddy himself that he has read my little blog. After learning about him reading this, I admit that I did freak out, just a tiny bit. For one thing, the fact that he's read the stuff I've written about my Dark Side (like Hungry Bear, Professor Plum, etc.) skeeves me out like crazy. Kind of like leaving your underwear in a washing machine at a laundromat, and finding it piled on top when you come back. Just ewwww.
I also freaked out because I don't trust him. This is the guy who is "too broke" to pay child support, yet somehow managed to scrape together the funds to hire an attorney just to make sure he wouldn't have to pay it. I don't see a whole lotta reason to not suspect him of having ulterior motives. Whether or not my mistrust was warranted, we shall see.
I have consulted with people who do the whole "legal thing" for a living, and after a few read-throughs of my blog, I have been given the all clear. I did have to do some editing, but nothing major has been changed. There are some funny rules when it comes to all this legal stuff. One of the big No-No's when talking or writing about your life and the people in it is that you absolutely cannot insinuate or infer or claim anything regarding impotency and whether or not someone is chaste (yes, they used the word chaste, and I have taken a liking to it). It's ok to call someone a bitch, or a son of a bitch, but boy you better not call someone's sexual prowess into question. I am guessing that a really pissed off guy made up that rule. Just a guess.
Anyhoo. My writing here is not meant to be malicious, and certainly in no way, shape or form is meant to harm Big Daddy, his reputation, or anything else in his world. As much as I don't like the guy, he is the father of my kids and I honestly do not wish him any ill will. And as far as his career? Bitch, please. I need that guy employed, and preferably WELL PAID for a while longer.
Here is my official apology/retraction: Big Daddy, I am sorry if anything I have written here was taken in the wrong way and resulted in any hurt feelings on your part. I have gone through and made some changes so as not to hurt any more feelings. From now on, I will be very careful to not offend you, or take personal jabs at you or anyone in your life. But I will continue to tell my stories, and I will tell the truth about things that went down. Remember the show Baretta? I have had the theme song playing in my head for the past 2 days: "Don't do the crime if you can't do the time. Don't do it." Ahhh, Sammy Davis, Jr. I guess I'm trying to say, if the things that I am relaying here in my blog make you feel bad or ashamed, well....sorry. But they happened.
The bottom line: as long as what I say is the truth, it's fair game. And anything that I have written here is the truth. A lot of it sucks, and you don't know how badly I wish some of it was fiction, but every single thing I have let flow out of my fingertips and onto these pages is the real deal.
The reason I started blogging is twofold: Reason one is, it's incredibly therapeutic. Getting this stuff out of my head and my heart, and out here in this virtual diary has been better for me than 2 years of therapy. Mostly because I can do this in my pajamas and I don't have to drive to the doctor's office and there's no co-pay, but I digress....I have had these stories just bouncing around in my head for the past 4 or so years. I think it's time to let them out.
The other reason is this: When I first found myself traded in like an old, worn out car, I was terrified. Who would understand what I was going through? Would I be ok? Would my kids be ok? And then, when I found myself swirling around the drain of financial ruin, those feelings came back. I found solace in talking to my friends. And I found that the more you talk to people, the more you find out just how not alone you are. It's my hope that people will read this, that women in similar situations will read this and realize that they will survive. They will be put through things that are about as much fun as a pelvic exam (with that clench-inducing finger-up-the-butt move thrown in, dear God), they will find themselves feeling utterly empty and dead every once in a while, but they will survive. And not only will they survive, they will be better, stronger, HAPPIER versions of their old selves.
Now everyone wave "Hi" to Big Daddy.....and get ready. I have so much more to gab about.