Careful how you answer. Some people are very protective of the term "single parent" and take great offense to those who throw that particular parenting label around all willy nilly.
Little known fact about me: although I loathe reading the comments on articles I've written, I love reading them everywhere else. And if I'm in a funk, or PMSing? I will sometimes take out my passive aggressions in these comment sections. Many times I'll type out my snarky comeback and then go back and delete it. Sometimes I let it stay.
A few weeks ago I was perusing the comment section on a post that appeared on Scary Mommy. You know how much I love me some Scary Mommy, right? Well, her corner of the internet is one of my most favorite places to perch when I'm feeling bitchy. I don't know why, but aside from HuffPost Women, her site draws some of the most wonderfully whackadoo people right outta the woodwork. And when they decide to let their opinions be known, I'm right there with a spoon ready to eat it up.
The post in question was a lovely piece written by a woman who shares 50/50 custody of her kids with her ex. It was a well-written essay, straightforward and blissfully to-the-point. The comment section was pretty even-keeled, almost completely full of support and sympathy. Lots of support from women who are in this same custody situation, others who are about to be, and some from people who grew up as 50/50 kids.
And then, there was this one:
Now, I get this person's point...to a point. If there were such a thing as a Parent Label Police, they might get twitchy if someone who shares custody of their angels calls what they're doing "single parenting". But can you still call yourself a single parent? You're single, right? And you're a parent, correct? Then it seems to be perfectly legit to call yourself a Single Parent.
Not so fast, people. Not just any average Joe or Jody gets to call themselves a Single Parent. Just ask this person:
Ahhh. Okay. So those who have 100% custody are the only ones allowed to call themselves Single Parents. Got it. (at this point I removed the tiny silver hoops from my ears, handed them to my dog and said, 'Shit is about to get real, Walter. Hold these.')
Only, no.
Nope. I don't agree. And I had some company in the NOPE DON'T AGREE camp:
So, Jamie and I both felt the same way, along with a couple others. And then, this:
I wanted to let Alison, and anyone else who gets possessive and pissy about what someone else chooses to call themselves know, that I wasn't about to suck anything up. Sorry not sorry? Please.
I understand where people who think like this are coming from. They are most likely calling in from Planet Literal and think that if it looks like a duck, walks like a duck and sounds like a duck, it's most likely a duck. They believe that unless you are really, truly a SINGLE parent, meaning that your child has no other parent who exists on the earth, you cannot claim that title. My friends Rachael and Nancy, both widows? Yes. They are single parents.
But guess what? So am I. And I will continue to call myself a single parent until the day comes when I'm no longer single (please, nobody hold your breath). Why? You know I'm going to tell you why, right?
I'm a single parent because when I am actively participating in this thing called Parenting, I do it alone. Oh, I have a village, no doubt. There are friends and teachers and bosses and extended family involved from time to time. But the nitty gritty of it? The sometimes mind-numbing, emotionally taxing, daily-grind things? I do those all by myself. And have done so, all by myself, since the father of my children went out for coffee and signed a lease on an apartment ten years ago.
Even back in the days when the kids were with him during his allotted parenting time (every other weekend and two nights per week) , I was a single parent. Yes, he was somewhat active and involved, but I WAS A SINGLE PARENT. When his interest in parenting our kids began to wane, and their visits with him dwindled down to what they are now (six hours on Christmas, with a few random outings here and there throughout the year), there was no question about it. I was a single parent.
My situation is different from some of yours. Some of you do the 50/50 split. Some of you see your kids on the weekends. Some of you see them even less than that, for a myriad of reasons. But here's the deal: all of you, whether you're surrounded by kids on the daily or you Skype with them before bedtime a few nights a week...if you're single, and you're a parent, YOU ARE A SINGLE PARENT.
I don't understand why someone would get all territorial and nutty about something as silly as a label, to the extent that they make a public proclamation about who has the rights to it. It's not like the Single Parent Commission is going door to door, checking out the hours you've logged solo parenting and getting verification that the person you procreated with is either dead and buried or off the grid. What's next? The Single Parent Olympics, wherein we all try to prove that we are the singlest parent of all? I can see it now:
And here we have Jenny from the United States. She's been down with the flu for the past three days when BOOM young William announces that his backpack broke and he needs a new one by tomorrow. She's been training her whole life for this moment, folks, and we get to witness her in all of her single parenting glory. There she goes, bathed in fever-sweat and the funk of sickness, stumbling into Dick's Sporting Goods at 8:00 p.m. on a school night. OOOOH did you see that? That indifferent employee sent Jenny and her son to the wrong area of the store to find the elusive drawstring backpack. Folks, we apologize for the salty language you may have heard. This is a live event.
You know why I dragged my sweaty, feverish, aching body into a sporting goods store that night? Because I do this parenting thing on my own. Because my kid's backpack finally broke (we'd made do by tying one broken strap for a while because that's just how we do here) and he needed a new one. Because I couldn't stay wrapped up in my smelly cocoon of blankets, taking shots of Delsym and having weird, acid-trippy dreams. There was no other parent at home to pick up the slack, no husband or partner to pat my moist forehead and coo to me, "You stay here and sleep. I'll take him to the store for a new backpack." (well, actually there was, and it was Mayhem from the Allstate commercials. But that might have been one of those aforementioned trippy dreams.)
I did it because I'm William's mom. I'm his parent. Does he have another parent? Yes, he does. In fact, his other parent lives about 2 miles away. I actually asked William to call this other parent and ask if he'd pick up the slack this time, but William protested and since it was getting late I just did as I have done for all these years...I parented. He took advantage of my fever-fog and managed to wrangle a $30.00 pair of Nike shorts out of the deal too. Young William has learned a thing or two, it appears. I hope they're edible, boy.
I'm going to put a cap on my rant now. I don't care what you call yourself. JazzHands McGee Mom? Perfect. PeterPickledPepper Parent? Yay! Solo parent, co-parent, parallel parent, partnered parent, Netflix parent, yada yada yada. It's not like we're going to have this crap engraved on our tombstones. Feeling threatened and trying to out-single other parents who are in this same boat does nothing for our so-called cause.
No matter what your status as a parent is: whether you're happily married, kinda-happily married, partnered up without the paperwork, or like me, doing it on your own, there is really just one simple objective. To do the best you can. I think that's something we can all agree on, right?
"A parent by any other name would smell as tired." William Shakespeare (sort of)
Jenny, I agree with you, it is a trite arguement to attempt to define or put a label on a mom or dad who is raising their children without their partner under the same roof. My hubs was one of the rare single dads who raised his daughter from a baby at a time when there were no single dads to speak of. (her mom abandoned her). The bottom line is that you, my hubs, and other moms and dads out there truly love their kids more than anything, and would do anything for them!
ReplyDeleteLisa, how did I not know your husband was a single dad when you met?? Or maybe I did and it's in one of those sections in my brain I can't access anymore.
DeleteThanks a ton for your support, and for reading!!
Always love your rants. Feel better Jenny.
ReplyDeleteAww...thank you! Thankfully the flu was a short one ;)
DeleteI agree with you. It's the people that use their "single parent" status as an universal excuse for everything else and think they are the only ones, drives me crazy.
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely. Don't get me wrong..I'll pull out that single parent card if/when I need to. But some of us use it wayyyy too often.
DeleteThanks so much for reading!
Even more "fun" is when your ex's once-mistress-now-wife writes on every form of social media that she can about how much of a liar *I* am because i referred to myself as a single parent when my ex has the kids on weekends. (I take them to doctor appointments, and he actually works against that because he calls and tells doctors not to talk to me without him present, etc). I wish it was even parallel. It's more like he's there to go against every single thing i try to do in parenting. Expecting I ask for permission everything. And his wife says I have no right to call myself a single mom. So...yeah. There's that.
ReplyDeleteRight, sometimes there are worse situations than being an honest-to-God, 100% single parent! Good reminder...my friend goes through this. Her husband "helpfully" tells the kids when he has visitation that he still loves their mom and it is a shame she tore the family apart for no reason (yes, of course there WAS a good reason). She would give anything to be a "pure" single parent!
DeleteUgh, anonymous. Luckily my once-mistress-now-wife has me blocked on all social media (yeah I tried, ha!!!) so I don't have to see her crap. I do know once upon a time she posted lots of pictures of my kids. But that was back in the day before she had one.
DeleteI cannot believe your ex is so boorish. Well, I can, but still.
Thank you for reading, and I'm so sorry you have to deal with that shit.
SC: your poor friend :( I hate when the other parent does that to the kids.
DeleteShit is about to get real, Walter. Hold these.
ReplyDeleteI am DYING at my desk at work right now. I hope no one walked by while I was trying to quiet laugh, because I'm sure it just looked like a mini-stroke.
Ha!!! Thanks Nicole! The sad thing is, I really did turn to him and say that. I might need to get out more.
DeleteI read your blogs occasionally and while I appreciate many topics you pose, brutual honesty about bottom feeding and finding boots (totally looking for the frye boots now) for the chunky calf gal- I don't get the indignation on this point. As a collective group, some of us DO have it harder than others. To be quite frank, I really don't know anyone who has this 50/50 thing where the dad actually parents half the time- many of us are dealing with abusive, addicted or mentally unstable exs, some of us were got some child support, some of us got none. I think if you do have an active mature parent than you are not really a single parent but this to me is very rare. This is about walking in gratitude- as difficult as my situation is- I know there are many women who have it worse. So even when I lose my mommy marbles over a lost winter coat because I am pushed beyond exhaustion, working too many hours, I'm sick, kids are sick for the millionth day in a row...this to shall pass and we have a home and I have a job and frig full of groceries and I know that on this day I should be grateful because many of my sisters don't have that....I do not have the presence to recognize this all the time. However; I think it's in everyone's best interest to say "hey girl- you think you got it bad- try a day in my shit shoes" . Parenting in general is hard - but situations are not equal or equally difficult. When any of us get a little pity party going and someone calls you out - I think it's legitimate and necessary. Someone that gets a break even if it's only every other weekend has it better than someone whose ex is completely out of the picture- it's a fact. Be grateful.
ReplyDeleteI disagree. My ex was completely out of the picture, and I had it WAY better than some of my friends who had to deal with drama from the ex, or who had the ex who had priorities ahead of the kids and who were always disappointing them. Anyone who is ever on their own to figure stuff out (even married people with a spouse who travels/works long hours/is in the military) is a single parent in my mind and deserves credit for the challenges that come with that designation.
DeleteHutmom: Yay on the Frye boots...you won't be disappointed. And yes, yes. I understand and agree with most of what you're saying! I am with you on the whole being grateful thing. It works in every aspect of life, not just parenting.
DeleteWhere I think we might be on slightly different pages is the statement that those who do get "breaks" have it better than those who have zero help/support from the other parent. While it's probably true in a large percentage of cases, for some it's opposite. There were plenty of times I wished my ex had simply vanished. I had to deal with all of the parenting things on my own, and then had to deal with lawyers and court dates and fighting over $200 doctor bills and back-to-school expenses on top of it.
I am SO grateful for the child support I get now. It would have been nice to not have to live without it for five years, but I know some people don't see squat so yes I say a little prayer of thanks every time that check shows up.
I hope that my rant didn't come off as indignation towards people "claiming" the rights to being called single parents. If anything, I am frustrated and yes, probably indignant, that some people feel they "own" the rights to a label. The one comment about "then, and only then can you call yourself" pissed me off because I don't think any of us has the right to tell anybody else what they can or can't call themselves. Like I said to someone on my facebook page: how does one person referring to themselves as a single parent hurt someone else?
But I do appreciate you reading and commenting. I love hearing people's opinions, even if we differ. That's the beauty of public ranting.
Thank you :)
Anonymous: YES. That's what I was trying to say (which you managed to say with about 1,000 words less, ha!!!).
DeleteWe all have different experiences and perspectives and levels of patience. Some women might not have been able to handle what I went through, and some might look at my experiences and say, "Is that all??". I am blown away, constantly, by the stories people share with me about what they've dealt with. I think we're all pretty damn remarkable, and our kids are going to rule the world someday. Maybe ;)
Thanks so much for reading!
I am very happily married and while our four children were born and growing up, I was a single parent doing everything that entails the lives of four children, including twins. My husband was working twelve hours shifts starting at 1:00 PM and he was hating every minute of being away. Those years are a blur now and they are all grown up and on their own. No one gets to tell anyone who there feel like they are. No one. We do what we have to do because we love our children. I'd no sooner have let them hear me complain as I would have made them feel like they were a burden. They are only small for so long and then they are older forever.....enjoy it.
ReplyDeleteYes, and thank you :) I hear ya, loud and clear on this. I am guilty of complaining around my kids (not often but when I did, it wasn't pretty) and I regret every word. I hope my kids never feel as if they are burdens.
DeleteThank you for reading, and for sharing a bit of your story.
I loved this.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Brianne!
DeleteThe people who would question your single parent status are More Single Than Thou. They're pity vampires. Oh YOU, you have child support? You get every other weekend free? I'm All Alone. I get wampum for support. We eat old shoe leather. Whatever, it's the pain olympics and some people go there. Bless their hearts, as they say in Texas. For whatever reason, instead of solidarity with other single parents, they want to feel exceptional. WTFever. You're mighty for buying that backpack. FWIW, I've been remarried for going on 5 years now, my son is 17, I STILL feel like my true parent ID is "single mom" because I did it for nearly a decade alone. No matter how loving and helpful my husband is, (and he's awesome, I'm very grateful) I feel like I did the majority of this parenting shit alone. I will defend single parents to the end. You've got to be one mighty, bad ass to do this job -- and you're doing it well. I'm proud of the time I spent in the trenches. Hope you are too.
ReplyDeletePity vampires! Love it! And YES. I don't get how some people, who are pretty much in the same boat, want to throw shade at others instead of solidarity.
DeleteI am with you on defending the single parents for-freaking-ever. Even if I got married tomorrow and my partner turned out to be the bestest, most helpful stepfather ever, I don't know if I'd be able to lose that single-parent feeling.
It's a really hard job. The toughest people I know are single parents. All of them. I met one of my son's friend's moms last weekend. We realized that we're both divorced. She does the week on/week off thing and she said something that broke my heart. We were discussing how we like when the whole gang of boys ends up camping in our basements...so we know they're okay and not getting into too much trouble. She said, "I only have him every other week and time is flying by. I love having him and his friends over at my house because when he's gone it hurts so bad."
Thanks for reading, Tracy!
Why do (some) women act like they are still middle school girls? Tracy wrote "For whatever reason, instead of solidarity with other single parents, they want to feel exceptional." So very 13 year old. Can you imagine men having similar thoughts about other men? Yeah, no.
ReplyDeleteWe are our own worst enemy.
That said, hilariously written. And the fact that some people can make such nasty comments under their own identity boggles this woman's mind.
I agree. Women (a lot of them) are emotionally stunted when it comes to stuff like this. I doubt men give it much, if any, thought. Or if they do, they aren't commenting on it or blogging about it, ha!
DeleteThanks so much for reading. And yep on the comments under one's real identity. You'd think it would keep some people in check. Obviously not.
"Sorry Not Sorry"= "I'm being an a-hole. Eat it."
ReplyDeleteLove this and will forever more read it as "I'm being an A-hole. Eat it!"
DeleteHA!!!! Yes. Eat it UP.
DeleteI love this. I'm not a single parent...I'm a married (sometimes happily) mother of two, but I feel like a single parent when I drag myself to Target at 9:30 to buy supplies for that last minute science project that one of my kids forgot to mention a week ago. I've been inside a Wal-Mart in 2 A.M. in my pajamas more times than I can count....why? Because I parent. Yes, I have a partner and he's great...good father, husband blah blah...but he works two jobs and is gone a lot...so I single parent in his stead. It's hard on both of us...but it's what we do.
ReplyDeleteAnd in the end...as long as my kids are decent, kind, educated people who truly know how much they are loved and valued, then I have done okay. And so has every other parent...regardless of the label you want to put on them. Parenting is hard enough....why make it harder with labels?
I agree with you, anonymous. Getting our kids raised, and raised well, should be the common goal. And I think what you said about parenting being hard, and why make it harder with labels...it great. That's one thing that pissed me off about the blanket statements those comments made: "I do this 100% of the time on my own, therefore my life is harder and I am a true single parent and screw you if you think you 'deserve' to call yourself one too". I know SO MANY people who have to deal with nightmare ex-husbands and ex-wives and ex-in laws. I think that 50/50 custody and be just as, if not 100 times harder than having your kids 100% of the time. The mental stress caused by nonstop mind-effing from some exes can consume a person.
DeleteWhew. Nerve touched, ha!
Thanks a bunch for reading and commenting.
Frick. No editing these comments, ha! "I think that 50/50 custody CAN be..not and be. Gah.
DeleteSomeone who hijacks an entire conversation about a substantive issue to argue about pure semantics is exhibiting uber troll-ness. So, call it like you see it: "Bitch (Allison Hethcoat, I'm talking to you!), you be a troll. So shut up and get lost."
ReplyDeleteRight??? Here's the kicker...I don't think the original article even CONTAINED the words "single parent". Someone had a stick up their hiney before they even read the article. If they did, in fact, read it.
DeleteThanks so much for reading!
Going to start signing my name Jazz Hands McGhee! You're right about people trying to out-single other parents. Or out-busy. Or out-anything and everything. There's more than enough to go around.
ReplyDeleteI think JazzHands needs her own twitter account. Seriously, I don't get the hoarding of the term. Share and share alike...there will ALWAYS be leftovers.
DeleteThanks so much for reading!
Love your rant Jenny. As a single mother myself I have found that occasionally this phrase bothers me. More when the very happily married women with a great supportive husband posts how hard it is the one week there ex travels. You still get the support honey! Also I happen to have an amazing boyfriend but it is not at the point where he really helps with the kids. So even though my relationship status is not single, my parenting status is. I don't believe it's a competition and hope that we can all join hands and say it was hard but I survived. Love your blog and I wish I could join one of your hen nights!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Charesse! And thank you for mentioning that even though you are in a relationship, you are still single parenting. Because when the kids are with you, YOU are their parent. I'm sure many people have super helpful boyfriends/girlfriends, and that's awesome. I'm actually envious! But until they are right there with you, wiping up puke or attending conferences or patching owies, you're on your own. Yikes..the you're and your are messing me up today, ha!
DeleteGirl, if you're ever in Minneapolis give me a whistle. New hens are always welcome ♥
Seriously? People are arguing over the label? Seriously?
ReplyDeleteSome people are idiots.
Yes. And yes! And yes!
DeleteI agree with you :)
Thanks so much for reading!
No more yanky my wanky, darling Jenny 💪💪💪
ReplyDeleteHA!! The Donger needs FOOD.
DeleteSecond best Dong quote ;)
Thanks for reading!!
Good gracious you nailed the subject so much more tactfully than I would have. Parenting is hard. It's harder when you are doing it alone. Whether the 'alone' is all the time or just for an hour, it's hard. People really need to stop trying to be parent-martyrs. It's not a good look.
ReplyDeleteCandace
Oh Candace. Yep. Martyrdom is not hot. Being supportive of your fellow parents, who may or may not be doing this stuff 100% solo 100% of the time...that's beautiful. Imagine if we all just said to the person in the trenches with us: Good job, my friend. Good freaking job. Let me know if you need any help.
DeleteThanks so much for reading!
My ex, who lives less than 2 miles away, saw our son three times for a total of 23 hours last year. And there was one time he picked up a form at the doctor's office for me. So go on, tell me I'm not a single parent. I dare you.
ReplyDeleteAmen, Kat! A-FREAKIN-MEN.
DeleteI think that's about the same amount of time most of mine saw their dad too. So yes. I double-dog dare anyone to tell us we aren't single parents. Preach, sister!
Thanks so much :)
My husband and I have been married for 33 years. 20 years ago, we separated for 2 years. My kids were 10, 8 and 6. They lived with me. I worked full time. Their father lived around the corner in an apt but I was the custodial parent. He got visits. I got everyday life. Did I think of myself as a single parent? You betcha. I was the one who mopped up the puke as my daughter ran down the hall to tell me she was sick (instead of running directly across the hall to the bathroom). I was the one who did all the school things and made the lunches and supervised the homework and made the CCD runs.
ReplyDeleteI can't understand why we can't all accept that none of us has had the exact same experiences but that we all are doing the best we can.
When those two years were up, the adjustment period (we called the separation The Dark Years) was tough but ultimately worth it. I will never be sorry I had those two years. If I could do that, I can do anything.
Oh Donna. I'm so glad to hear my kids weren't the only ones who ran into my room to vomit rather than the bathroom which was literally TWO STEPS AWAY. We had to do away with Taco Night for several years after one such incident.
DeleteAnd yes, a thousand times yes to this: "I can't understand why we can't all accept that none of us has had the exact same experiences but that we all are doing the best we can." That's what lit the fire under me when I read those comments. Being a parent, and especially a single parent, isn't a numbers game. It's not about hours served or keeping track of sacrifices in columns. It's about doing whatever you can to keep your boat afloat no matter what challenges you face. It's hard as hell, whether or not you have a partner. Sometimes having a partner who's not in it with you is even harder than doing it alone. The last few months of my marriage, when my husband was staying out until 4 a.m. every night, coming home drunk as hell and then pretending everything was "okey dokey" were tough and humiliating and now that I look back on them, excellent practice for what I was about to go through.
Thank you, Donna, for reading and for sharing the story of your "Dark Years". I love hearing about your life!
this is just an other great example of your wit, grit, honesty, intellect, compassion and top knotch parenting skills - single or not! Keep writing and doing the best you can.
ReplyDeleteahh...thank you, anonymous. I appreciate your kind words!
DeleteI am not a single parent. In fact, far from it. My husband is pretty great. But, he works a lot, and I work full time too, and we have no extended family here, and we have to sort of stagger our days so that the before and after school care is covered so we hardly see each other, and it's really hard some days. And we only have two kids (well, one is a baby, so he gets extra hardness points). I don't know how many times a day I think "how the hell do people do this alone?". And I was raised by a single mother (well... mostly...between marriages that is)! So, you'd think I would have some idea! But, I bow down to you. I really do. Because right now the plants in my house clearly need to be watered and I'm thinking "would it be so bad if they died? Why the fuck do we need plants anyway?" just because I resent them for being one more thing that requires looking after.
ReplyDeleteAs someone who told the dog that she "needed to start pulling her own weight around here", I totally understand resenting your houseplants.
DeleteNicole, I used to think that too...in fact, in my oldest child's baby book (the only one that has anything written in it..oops)...I noted how hard it was to take care of a baby on wrote, "I could never do this alone". I believe in the writing world they call that "foreshadowing" LOL.
DeleteI think what you are doing is tough, too, sister. Kudos to you and hubby for making it work.
And eff the plants. I haven't had a houseplant in over a decade. I'm still amazed the dog has made it 7 years with me.
Thanks so much for reading, and for sharing a bit of your story as well. We're all pretty awesome.
And ha Kat! God how I wish Walter had thumbs. I know he'd help around the house if he could.
DeleteI always felt like I was a single parent while I was married. Now that I'm divorced, I call myself an "only parent" because my ex is completely out of the picture in terms of being there emotionally, physically and financially. He's legally obligated financially, but does not pay a vast majority of the time and that's when my resentment kicks in. As only parent to our three kids, I have to spend hundreds of ours in court, simply to have the law enforced. Oh, and I can rant on my blog, but right now I'm too tired.
ReplyDeleteWoman, I feel ya. It was SO FRUSTRATING having to do it all in addition to fighting with my ex to provide help in any form.
DeleteI hope you get some rest :)
Thank you for this. I've been divorced now for almost 3 years. My ex and I share custody 50/50. He readily picks up the slack when my work interferes with parenting, and his boss-now-live-in is also very gracious about it all. I am grateful for the ease with which we co-parent. And? It kills me to have my children gone so much. It's like a little piece of my soul goes missing every other week. And? It's actually really nice to have that time to be responsible only for me.
ReplyDeleteWhen others call me a "single parent" I cringe a little, because I realize how much easier my life is than many others with little or no "co". But I am single. Very. And a parent. Completely.
Your lovely writing just gave me loads of permission to not care what the label is, and to simply continue doing the best I can.
Oh how I understand what you're talking about re: the weekends without kids. It did get easier over time but there was always something missing.
DeleteYou are exactly the person I was picturing when I went on this rant (well, not you personally but people who are in your position). Of course there are others who have it harder...there always are! But your feelings of sadness and frustration are just as valid as the person who never gets "a break". I'm glad you got some reassurance from what I wrote. You deserve it!
Thanks a bunch for reading.
Loved this! As one who has had joint custody, although my ex couldn't handle any of the "crisis" moments anyway, to now having sole custody, I was always a single parent after the divorce. But far be it from me to compare my "single-parentedness" to anyone else. I do the best I can for my kids and that's really all that has ever mattered to me.
ReplyDeleteI agree, this is a trite and rather meaningless argument. I know someone that referred to themselves as a "solo" parent after their spouse passed away because they felt that "single" parenting did not adequately describe their position since she was completely alone parenting and "single" parents had the other parent to help, as well as financial support. To me it felt like she didn't want to be grouped with "those people" that had clearly had poor judgement and somehow caused their situation when she was merely a victim of circumstance. So that was offensive, particularly since I am a single parent that recieves little to no help from my ex, and certainly has no one that I can count on. It all goes back to b people tearing each other down when we should be lifting other parents up.
ReplyDeleteLove you Jenny! People are dumb. My mom was a single mom after she left my cheating dad when I was 9 months old, and I think you all are AMAZING. Wonder Women!
ReplyDelete