Ten On Tuesday: PPP...Pre Party Psychosis is in da house

Hola amigos!  Yes, it's true:  I am becoming even more crazy than normal.  I like to call it PPP, short for Pre-Party Psychosis.  There are no pills for this malady, no behavior modification techniques that are known to help, and I can tell you from past experience that adding liquor to the situation does not help (although you do hug a lot more, which is funny).  No, my friends.  This is one crazy train you have to stay on until the ride comes to a complete stop.  Which, for me, will be about 10:00 p.m. on Monday night.

In case you don't know (which means you haven't spoken to me directly in the past 2 weeks), I'm throwing a very belated graduation party for Charlie.  I feel bad about having it so late in the season, but that's how I roll, and according to the RSVPs we should have a very nice turnout.  Which is all that matters, right?

My hens are once again rallying.  A couple of friends from high school have blown me away with unbelievably thoughtful and very generous gifts to "get the party started".  Others are offering up tables and chairs and beverage dispensers and food and fire pits and helping hands and husbands with trucks and just about anything else I could ever possibly dream of mooching. 

I've got some pretty awesome friends.  Can't say that enough.

They are also coming to the party for another reason, a more covert reason other than to wish Charlie well on his next chapter in life:  they're showing up to support me.  

You see, quite a few of Big Daddy's family members are coming to the party.  Don't get me wrong:  I am pleased as freaking punch that they're coming, seriously.  I love them, all of them, and miss them terribly.  I haven't seen many of them in a few years, and am looking forward to catching up. My ex mother in law is bringing the cake, for Pete's sake.  But I know myself pretty well, and I know that I am going to be feeling very exposed at the party.  I worry because I am HUGE compared to where I was on the scale the last time we all saw each other.  I worry because they are Big Daddy's family, and regardless of how they feel about him or me, there are bound to be comparisons made between our lifestyles.  I can't do anything about either one of those worries, but having my friends and their families here is going to be a lifesaver.

So even though I am about hip-deep in crazy water right now, I know that at some point during the evening I will look around and see my son being congratulated and loved by the people who matter in his life.  I will look around and see my kick ass group of friends who have been there for me time and time again.  I will look around and see all of this happening and I know without a doubt I'll have to sneak away into the bathroom and dab at my eyes a little bit.

That helps ease the psychosis.  But until that eye-dabbing moment, watch out.  Bitch be NUTTY.

Here's another way I can keep the looney tunes at bay:  Type out my Ten.  So here they are, in no particular order:

1.  The humidity has broken and we are now enjoying some of the most beautiful weather Minnesota has to offer.  I can't tell you how nice it is to be able to be outside for any length of time and not have to endure a Silkwood shower afterwards.  My water bill will be scary next month.

2.  The Big Ass Trivia Party was a hit.  Like a dumbass, though, I went over my cocktail limit and I'm pretty sure I creeped out more than just a couple of my teammates, and at least one server, with my tipsy Jenny hugs (see the opening paragraph for confirmation about drinking and hugging).  I was feeling very loving.  So loving, in fact, that I ended up making out* with an old beau later on that night.  I've said it before, and I'll say it again:  take my phone AWAY from me after anything more than two cocktails.

* I hope you know me well enough by now that you realize "making out" means rolling around and grunting like a female gorilla in heat.  Sorry for the visual, but it's been a long time.  I've got a spring in my step for the next week or so.  Yay me!

But, I do have a date this weekend.  Break out the weed whacker!  More details to follow.

3.  I'm so close to becoming a vegetarian.  So, so close.  I keep reading about the abhorrent conditions that animals endure, the awful ends they face (do you know what happens to baby boy chickens?  Don't Google it).  If only they weren't so delicious.  I hate my carnivorous side.

4.  I got my hair cut.  Like, 8 inches gone.  A good friend of mine owns a really cool salon, and she just opened up a new location here in Mayberry.  They were having a facebook-only sale on haircuts one night, and I had just about had it with my Roseanne Rosannadanna hair (remember, it's been HUMID) so I waddled on down to give it a try.  I was greeted by a sweet fella named Daniel who had me at "OMG..I love cutting curly hair!".  I think I have a couple of sweatshirts older than Daniel but the boy knows how to use scissors.  In fact, I liked him so much I'm going back on the day of my BIG DATE for some color help.  If you're a local, I highly recommend trying out The Beauty Lab.  Even though I'm not a wealthy woman, when I do spend money I like to spend it at businesses run by good people.  And the woman who runs this place is not only one of my favorite hens, she's also an ethical, kind and extremely earth-friendly person whom I respect and admire TONS.  If you do go, tell 'em Jenny sent you..we'll both get a little discount!

5.  If you ever need a self-esteem boost, I highly recommend asking some friends to write character references for you.  I've applied for a job at our school district's preschool, and since I've subbed there a gazillion times, I asked a few of the mommies (who happen to be some of my good friends) to write a few words about why they think I should get the job.  The letters they wrote were so beautiful, and so touching, I feel like keeping them in a little binder to read when I'm feeling blah.  The interview is this Friday, so please, if you can, send some good vibes my way!

6.  I took the little boys (funny to say that now, Henry is just about 6 feet tall these days.  YIKES.) to see Dark Knight Rises...finally!  It was FABULOUS.  My favorite of the trilogy.  I'm not Christian Bale's biggest fan, but I do like me some Sexy Gary Oldman.  And whats his name, the boy who was in 3rd Rock from the Sun?  Joseph Gordon Levitt...very good, very badass.  I did wonder how he kept his hair looking so freshly trimmed while all of Gotham was swamped in squalor, though.  Also, because I have some pretty serious issues, the character of Bane was oddly arousing. Maybe it was the fact that he sounded like Sean Connery doing a Darth Vader impression?  I need help.  Great movie.

7.  We don't start school until after Labor Day, but it appears as though many of you are ushering your babies off to the Land of Learning earlier, like this week.  I'm a wee bit jealous, but I am also sad to see summer end.  This one seems to have gone by faster than usual.  That said, I'm also biting my nails over back to school expenses.  My attorney and I are hammering out child support details with Big Daddy and his new attorney, and of course back to school stuff is never addressed.  Last year he tossed me a check for $100 to "help" with back to school.  For four kids.  Enough said.

8.  Speaking of Big Daddy, here's something about divorce that I can't stand:  one of my hens sent me a text this past weekend, she was at the zoo with her brood.  They got on this tractor thing, a hay ride tour of the zoo, and who do you think was sitting there, right across from her?  My ex husband, the homewrecker and their spawn.  My sweet hen said it was awkward, as she had to explain to her children exactly who this strange man was, this tired looking man with a floppy Hugh Grant "caught with a hooker" era hairdo.  I felt bad that my friend's day with her kids included something unpleasant and uncomfortable, all because of the fact that she and I are friends.  It left me with a sick feeling, not only for the awkwardness my friend had to endure but also because here I am, busting my ass to make sure our 18 year old gets some recognition from his friends and family at a long-overdue celebration and there he is, looking at baby farm animals with his stupid wife and their precious baby.

I was out one night last week, with a friend and her husband.  And of course, talk turned to THE GRADUATION PARTY, because that's where I force all conversations these days.  So the husband, whom I adore, said, "So, how does this work?  Do you guys split the cost of these kinds of parties?".  I almost choked on my water.  "Oh sweet, sweet man" I wanted to say.  "your innocence is beguiling".  But I didn't say that.  I just said, "Umm..no.  He isn't helping out."  That awesome guy, this great husband and father, just shook his head.  "I don't get that" he said.  And I wanted to hug him for that (even without booze).   I don't get it, either.

9.  Comcast is coming on to me, harder and harder every time.  Their last dangling carrot was an offer of cable t.v., a DVR and free HBO for six months, all for just $34.99 a month.  Had it been Showtime, I might have caved.  Damn you Comcast.  You can smell winter in the air, can't you?

10.  Anyone have any ideas as far as easy, cheap, yummy appetizers are concerned?  Well lookie here, guess where I'm going with this one.  I don't know if you're aware of this, but I'm having a PARTY in less than a week.  My BFF Michelle is helping me make her melt-in-your-mouth pulled beef bbq sandwiches, but I need some suggestions for other food.  Chips, of course.  I'm going to make my yummy spinach dip, and another one of my BFFs is making her delicious Texas Caviar...but if anyone has any more ideas, I'd love to hear them.

Suffice it to say, that night I will be dipping into my weekly Weight Watchers points.  Heavily.

Ok, now I must close and get back to....you guessed it, party psychosis.  I'm pretty sure there's at least one kid in the house I haven't yelled at yet today.

Enjoy your day, my friends.  As always, hug your babies.  And take lots of pictures....you'll need them for these damned  picture boards at their graduation parties.

Adios, amigos ♥


Fellow bloggers, type up your own ten and give a shout out to Lin over at Linny's Vault!  She's the hostess with the mostest.