Ten On Tuesday

Terrible blogger here.  Haven't done anything on this little page in a week!  But I have kind of a good excuse:  I've been busy...incredibly, wonderfully busy.

Lady luck has smiled on me, nice and bright and flashing her pearly whites.  When you have had a couple of years of disappointments, of heartache, of more than your fair share of moments when you look skywards and with fists a-shakin' yell out "WHAT NEXT?" you come to expect the worst.  Ok...maybe not "the worst", but you come to expect a kind of shitty mediocrity, a limbo-ish life where you're neither down in the very bottom dreck of the sea of life, nor are you floating happily on the surface.  You come to expect to have to fight for flashpoints of light, to have to bargain and negotiate for just a little break here and there.

And maybe that's what makes days like I've been having even sweeter for poor slobs like me.  I think, after you go through tough times, you learn to really, really appreciate when things come easily.  When things go your way.  When, finally, your heart feels like leaping out of your chest not because you've just been told "Hey, your debit card was declined" but because "Congratulations, here are the keys to your new car!".

The same day I went to pick up my new car (it's 6 years old but dammit, it's new to me), my friend Gillian called to tell me that my old truck was dead on the side of the road by our school...with my sainted landlord Dan directing traffic around it like a lifeguard waving rubbernecking beachcombers away from a beached whale.  She stopped and asked him if he needed help.  He said he was waiting for a tow and that he didn't want me to worry about it.  Did I mention he's a saint?  I was filled with two feelings at that moment:  guilt, for selling Dan my money-sucking albatross of a vehicle and....

relief.  Sweet relief that finally, it wasn't me in a dead truck.  It wasn't me crying behind the wheel, waiting for a friend or a friend's husband or a tow truck or a good Samaritan to come to the rescue.  Dan told me upfront, when he agreed to buy the albatross, that he knew it needed repairs, he knew it would cost him some money and he was fine with that...so I didn't feel like I ripped him off or sold him a lemon.  My conscience was pretty much clear that way.

You know what?  Relief is a nice feeling.

Anyhoo.  I have more to dish about how I got my car, who sold it to me and how the whole transaction made me an even firmer believer in cosmic hoohaw like kismet, fate, serendipity and karma.  But that's for later.

Now it's time for my Ten!

1.  Oscar nominations came out today.  Who is Brad Pitt paying/humping/hypnotizing to get that snooze of a movie "Moneyball" nominated for so many awards?  And Jonah Hill for Best Supporting Actor??  Please...he went to the Seth Rogen College of Acting.  Which means he's a one-trick pony.  In Moneyball, he plays the same guy he played in Superbad...only instead of drawing giant erect penises he was drawing baseball stats.  Yawn.

2.  Hey, men who read this?  Go look at the garbage disposal for a second.  I'm about to go to a bad place.

Are they gone?  Ok good.  I haven't shaved my legs since the last time I hooked up with Cabin Boy.  Which was in...I think November?  From the knees down I look like a man with skinny ankles.  It's actually quite fascinating, being a Yeti.  I have to stop myself from saying, "You have to see this" and pulling up my pant legs for people to see my hirsute shins.  Might be time to get a new hobby.

3.  I got into a fight.  But it was an online fight, on the Huffington Post.  I commented on someone's comment, and I was a total bitch.  And it felt kind of good!  Now, you might be saying, "So what?" but if you know me, you know that I am the least confrontational person in the world (besides like maybe Gandhi or Mother Teresa).  I'm the person who says "I'm sorry!" when someone bumps into me.  For me, too, "fight" means I commented on her post, then she commented on my comment.  Not really Fight Club caliber stuff but still...it's been a long time since I had my claws out.

4.  Wheat Belly Diet:  Like the Monkees used to say, "I'm a believer".  And how.  It's been about two weeks for me, and I am already feeling a difference.  More energy, clearer brain, less hunger.  It's amazing.  I don't have a scale here but I'm already feeling a difference in how my clothes fit, too.  Read up on it, if you're curious.  As much as I love bread, it's becoming very clear to me that wheat and other grains weren't doing me any favors.  Oh and here's something not everyone will tell you about no/low carb eating...YOU WILL SMELL FUNNY FOR A WHILE.  I smelled breastmilk baby poop for a few days and finally realized it was me.  Between that and the Sasquatch legs I'd say it's a good thing I'm flying solo right now. 

5.  When you have kids, there are things you should be told right away.  One of those things is that you will never watch movies in quite the same way again.  I watched "50 50" and instead of just watching the movie and enjoying it (and I did like it), I watched it picturing one of my own kids going through a cancer battle.  And then I thought about my friend Sarah and her son James and his battle with cancer.  And then I cried.  And then the movie was over.  Perspective changes, people!  (and where is Anjelica Houston's nomination for this movie???)

6.  My eBay account was hacked a couple of weeks ago.  eBay closed my store without notifying me...and when I called to ask them "What the hell?" they denied doing it.  It took me several phone calls (many of which ended with me being disconnected...classy move, eBay) and many conversations with people named "Kay" and "Chuck" with heavy eastern Indian accents before they admitted closing it.  I was pretty close to taking a major eBay break before all of this went down....now I'm taking that break.  I miss the good old days on the 'Bay.

7.  So my new car is a Ford Focus.  Approximately 25-29 mpg, compared to approximately 9 mpg on my old Excursion.  I will be saving about $300.00 a month, folks.  That's huge for me.  I'm all Katrina and the Waves this week...walking on sunshine.  And I can't wait until I lose that awful habit of keeping one eye on the gas gauge when I drive. 

8.  Being the President has got to be one of the suckiest jobs ever.  I don't care where you stand on how he's done, whether you love him or hate him or just don't care...but I'd like to see ANYONE out there run a country and do it just right so that everyone is happy. Or maybe even just half of the country was happy.  It's not possible!  You couldn't pay me enough to take that job.  By the way, this is not an endorsement.  I'm totally on the fence this time around.

9.  Almost done reading "The Help".  I so wish I had waited to see the movie.  Books are always so much better, aren't they?  Now when I read, I read the passages in the actresses voices.  And as much as I love Emma Stone, I get tired of hearing her voice.  Also, it's hard to keep the voice in my head low like Viola Davis (who was nominated for Best Actress for her portrayal of Aibileen, WOOOOOOOT!  I loved her performance!!!). 

10.  Valentines Day is coming up...and strangely enough, I'm not caring one bit that I will be alone that night, with my hairy legs and my baby poop stench.  I will eat cheese and hard boiled eggs and I will get a heart-shaped pizza for the kids.  Because, like all the years before...they are my Valentines this time around.

And that's just fine with me.

That wraps it up.  Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go look at my car which is parked in the garage.  It's been over 10 years since I've parked a car in a garage, and just like a new mommy, I have to check on mine to make sure it's still ok.