Scrabble isn't supposed to make you sad, dammit!

A friend posted a funny little story about one couple's adventure in Scrabble (warning, my geek side is going to be totally exposed here).

Here's the article

First off, I am a Scrabble fiend. I love this game, and will play it in any way, shape or form. Thanks to that insane time-sucker, facebook, I usually have about 8 or 9 games going at any given moment. Truth be told, it's 90% of the reason I got an iPhone, so I could play my games on the go. When I get a Scrabble Bingo, where you use all of your tiles in a single play, I sometimes whoop out loud. See?? Nerdy McDolt.

So, when I read this article, I felt happy knowing that there are others in this world who feel the same way I do. And then I felt super sad. I even commented on my friend's page: "I need to find a Scrabble guy."

My take on relationships, and being in them, has changed quite a bit since Big Daddy flew the coop. I remember my stepmother saying to me, "Get remarried fast..the longer you're single the harder it will be to do it." And now I find myself wondering if it gets harder because you're less likely to FIND the right guy, or if you just realize that you don't NEED a guy, right or not.

Obviously, I did try pretty hard at first (hello, Plum?) but I'd say over the past year and a half or so, I find myself with zero desire to couple up. At least, I thought that's how I felt until I read this stupid article. I read about how they kept their little Scrabble notebook, taunting each other in writing, keeping a tangible record of their Scrabble games. It talked about how they had played the game with their kids right from the start, and how this simple board game became an unbreakable link in their family chain. It's a piece of family history, of family love.

And maybe I do want that.

But it's hard. It's hard being not only a single woman in her 40's, but also a mom to four kids. A mom to four kids who has been put through some intense emotional boxing matches, along with a front seat on the financial roller coaster. When Big Daddy called a do-over, I became the Head of Household overnight. Every single thing that he had taken care of became my responsibility....everything. Of course my stepmother was right. Who wouldn't want to fill that position ASAP? It sucks having to tend so many fires by yourself. I think that's why most men who leave their families don't do so until they have Plan B all lined up. Hell, Big Daddy didn't even take the kids for an overnight for almost half a year after he moved out. It's a tough row to hoe.

Right from the start I decided that the kids would come first. They had already lost one parent to the Shiny Glow of Lust, there was no way I was going to do the same. Did it cost me anything in the relationship department? Absolutely. Try getting to know someone when you have approximately 4 nights a month to date. Try explaining to a guy that yes, you do have two hours kid free but you were hoping to just curl up in the fetal position and hum for those two hours, not try the new fondue restaurant downtown. And that's dating the guys who don't have kids. The ones who are dads, well..yeah. Good luck with that.

I wonder if I am going to be punished by the universe for making my kids Priority #1. Am I going to be the weird old chick who speed walks with her dog at 5:00 a.m.? The eccentric grandma who wears caftans and big artsy necklaces? The one who sits at the kids table every holiday because her singleness makes it hard to seat her at the grown up table? I don't know. It does make me wonder if I should try harder to look for Mr. Right, or if I should embrace the trite but comforting saying, "If it's meant to be, it will be."

Because I'm thinking it would be kind of nice to have someone who would play Scrabble with me.