4/27/15

Imitation Is Not Flattery. It's Stealing.

Image: stephanyfolsum.com Used with permission.


The infinite monkey theorem doesn't have anything to do with what I'm going to blather on about here, but it makes me giggle and, if twisted a bit, I can make it fit.

I can't be bothered to look up the exact quote, but it is something along these lines:

"A monkey hitting keys on a typewriter for an infinite amount of time will almost surely type a given text, such as the complete works of William Shakespeare."

In this instance, I'd change it to read:

"A million bloggers hitting keys on a laptop for an infinite amount of time will almost surely type something similar." 

I'm not naive. Nor am I full of myself. In the blogging world, there are many people who write about the exact same topics. You have your parenting bloggers, homeschooling bloggers, fashion bloggers, DIY bloggers. And each of those niches has smaller, more defined categories: single parenting bloggers, parents of multiples bloggers, special-need parent bloggers, plus-size fashion bloggers, budget-conscious fashion bloggers.You get the gist, right?

My little niche is divorce blogging. Divorce isn't the only topic I write about, but it is one I revisit frequently. Because I'm divorced and it has affected not only my life, but the lives of my kids. Five years ago, when I first started writing here, there weren't a ton of us. My favorite divorce/single parent blogger was Single Mom Survives. I loved reading her stuff because our stories were ickily (it's a word now, spellcheck) similar: husbands who left us for, and married, coworkers. Hers even got remarried on their old wedding anniversary date, which I was pretty sure had only happened to me. She's no longer writing (or Tweeting, I just discovered) which is a shame. I miss her.

Over the years, more blogs about divorce and what happens after divorce started popping up. When the editors at HuffPost Divorce reached out and asked me to write for them, I squealed with joy. Once immersed in that world, I was officially a Divorce Blogger. And I wasn't the only one. To quote Chandler Bing: "Doy".

We all write about the same things. Divorce, dating after divorce, parenting during and after a divorce, the financial aspect of it, etc. Being divorced can touch just about every facet of one's life, and boy do we like to write about it.

The thing is, while we may all write about the same topics, we all do so in our own voices. We have our own opinions, our own quirks. Our own style of writing. Our words are like fingerprints: uniquely ours. We are indeed special snowflakes. Special divorced snowflakes.

I recently stumbled upon an essay written by a fellow divorce blogger. It was divorce-related, and as it so happens, it was subject I've written about. One of the essays I wrote about this particular subject went on to become one of my more popular posts, both here and on HuffPost. Coincidence? Maybe. Then, as I read her post, I couldn't help but see the striking resemblance to the piece I'd written over a year ago. The cadence was almost identical. The flow was the same. There was even an exact turn of phrase used. It was like reading something I'd written, only not about my life. About somebody else and their life.

That brings us back to the monkey/bloggers. Sure, the other writer's post was very similar to mine. Including the title, yo. But, let's put ego and feels aside and remember: there are millions of people writing billions of words every single day. It was bound to happen. I wept upon the shoulders of a couple friends, friends who write and one who doesn't. They comforted me, they assured me I wasn't too off-base to think my words had been borrowed. I retreated into the bushes to lick my writery wounds and all the ragey water flowed under the blogging bridge.

Until I saw another article a few weeks later. Written by the same person. Covering the exact same topic I'd recently written about. She'd reworked it quite a bit, added a lot more flowery words and a few "mamas" here and there. But the bones of it were too close for comfort. Not only was the skeleton identical to the one I'd typed out a few weeks ago, but the message was a twin, too. Again, it was as if she'd read my words and then set out to rewrite them, rearrange them to her liking.

What was it George W. once misquoted? Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...we won't get fooled again? Now I have to dig up that soundbite. God I miss that man's way with words. Anyway. What I was trying to say is this: one strikingly similar piece...yeah. Okay, it happens. And even if it was deliberate, what are you going to do about it? Go on the Blogger's Small Claims Court show and plead your case?

But twice? Two pieces, so very similar, by the same person? I call foul. And I also call plagiarism.

Look. I get it. You read something, it hits you, you're inspired to write about your own experiences. I do that ALL THE TIME. But the good thing, the right thing, the ETHICAL thing to do, is give the other person credit. Mention what you read and how it made you feel. Provide a link back to the person's site. Send a note or email to the author of the original piece, telling them how much you liked it and OMG you moved me to write about my life!

What you shouldn't do is read it, rework it just enough so it's not blatant stealing, and not only post it on your blog but submit it to a bigger site. Putting your name on it, presenting it to the world as something you created? I don't know how people can do that and look at themselves in the mirror. It's like cheating when you play Words With Friends. Yeah, you might win, but did you really?

It's a gray area, this blogging biz. We can make sure we put a blurb on our blogs, telling the world that these are OUR words and YOU can't steal them. But there is no way an idea can be copyrighted, is there? Imagine the red tape we'd have to swim through if one single person owned all the rights to the concept of blogging about any particular subject. It's like a jungle sometimes: it makes me wonder how...oops, sorry. Off on a Grandmaster Flash tangent. We're insane if we think anything we write about is truly original. But...how we write it is original.

When my kids were little and still in diapers, I confessed to a friend that in a crowd I was able to tell, by smell alone, if the source of a stinky odor was one of my little darlings. That's how intimate the relationship between a mother and child can be. The same goes for a writer, and their words. Gross analogy, I know. But it works.

Don't try to pass my shit off as yours. It's not cool, and I can smell it a mile away. A mama knows.

And now, for some comic relief, I will close with George and his quote.




21 comments:

  1. ohhh... that one would be a hard to swallow, for sure. that's just crappy. very crappy. sorry to hear.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks! I know there's really nothing that can be done. Just had to get it off my chest. Also, my friends are sick of me talking about it 😄😄

      Thank you for reading.

      Delete
  2. Not cool. Not cool, at all. Hopefully, she will see this piece and recognize what she has done and knocks it off.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, as I said to one of my friends, "I'll know I'm on to something if she comes up with an essay about her Korean brother." HA!

      Truthfully, I hope she sees this too. I'm too Minnesotan to call her out publicly. Although, if that post about the brother does show up I'll say something ;)

      Thanks for reading, Gigi.

      Delete
  3. Oh, ouch. I'd feel sort of violated if someone did that to me!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. SC, I was seething. And OMG so hurt!! It's not like we are in this world for the money or the fame. It's because we like writing and we get whatever we need out of it: catharsis, relief, the knowledge that there are other people in this world who can relate. It's just so crappy to have someone take what we've poured out. Get yer own demons, woman! CAN'T HAVE MINE!

      Delete
  4. Have you commented to let her know you're on to her?!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Susie, I haven't. The first one was on a pretty big site, and I didn't say anything because a: it would probably never get seen, and b: I didn't want to be the sad face blogger whining about how "I wrote this first!" in the comments.

      This is probably kind of a passive aggressive way to get it off my chest, but I made sure not to out her. She'll read it.

      Delete
  5. Oh boy, this hits in a place I always, always worry about. Not because I go seeking words but because I fear that nothing I say is unique and will look/feel/sound just like everyone else's posts about whatever it is I've posted about. I love your gross analogy, and you. So sorry you're dealing with the shit, though.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lisa, that thought is always tiptoeing at the edges of my brain, too. BUT: we all have our own voices, and regardless if the story has been told a million times, it's going to be OUR own unique interpretation. You and me, for example. We've both written essays about some of the EXACT same things. Kids getting older. The stress of raising them alone. Our moms! But nobody would read them, side by side, and say, "These are pretty much the same." And because I'm a cuckoo, yes I did go read some of her blog. The kicker was, her other pieces did not read the same as the one I believe she "borrowed" from me. It was as if two different people were represented.

      I was concerned about the feedback this post would generate, because we (bloggy types) probably all worry about trying to sound original and not like everyone else. But I think I'm right about this one. I'm ready to stand by this.

      Oh and I adore you. Tons.

      Delete
  6. I would've provided a link to my post and said "OMG! It is like we are of ONE MIND!?! I just wrote this a day/week/month ago and needless to say I agree with your entire line of thinking! Count me in as a follower!" and then let the blogger-reader world decide what to do with it. She might just knock it off if she knows you are watching.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I was sorely tempted. So, so tempted. But you know me: I stewed for a while and I made some of my friends crazy with my obsessing over it (sorry Danielle and Nina and Shannon). I know I'm right, though. I still don't have balls big enough to directly confront her. They are small.

      Delete
  7. Ugh! You have dealt with enough "betrayal" in your life. I am completely dumbfounded how someone who went through the same experiences as you "supposedly" would think it's ok to take/borrow/steal from your work. You inspire me every day...with your strength, your wit and your character as a role model. I am sorry that the "idiots" in the world think they are in the same class of you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh Cleveland. You are too kind, thank you! And yeah, I guess the fact that we "divorce sisters" are kind of a close-knit bunch does add to the sting of it. And that's the deal: I was really pissed when I discovered this but more hurt than anything.

      I appreciate your sweet words. So nice to hear :)

      Delete
  8. Ack ... no words .. not even yours ;)

    ReplyDelete
  9. Hoo boy. I'm sorry that this happened. Wolf (the hubby) would probably have to administer copious amounts of booze and cheesecake to get me off the ceiling if that happened to me.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Believe me, Melissa...there was some vodka involved. Self-administered, dammit. I GOT NO WOLF. (LOL)

      Thank you so much for reading ♥

      Delete
  10. Long time lurker here... but I just have to weigh in. I'd be willing to bet that the reason other articles on her blog don't sound like your writing is not because she writes some things herself, but because she's stealing from other people too. You know, so as to not arouse too much suspicion, spread the thieving around a little.

    I would so love just a teeny-tiny little hint about which of your articles you've seen "copied-but-not-copied." Maybe just the date you first posted one of them? Or the name in pig-latin? I swear I'll never tell. Hmmm? :-)

    -Jill

    ReplyDelete
  11. The same thing happened to a friend today. I'm so sorry.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Thank You! It's about time we all spent more time focusing on this! It's always a case of just do it anyway and maybe apologize if you get caught out.

    ReplyDelete

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...