Blogging Anonymous: Brave or Not?

It was one of those essays that just happened. Those of you who write, you know what I'm talking about. Like a baby that is coming out NOW, there was no stopping it. On a lazy Sunday, while watching Lifetime movies and pretending that life wasn't about to change drastically at our house, I wrote what I think is one of my bravest, darkest posts ever.

It's going to be published on another site in the next few days. But my name will not be on it. For the first time in my very short "writing career", I am publishing an anonymous piece.

I agonized over this one. Truly, agonized. I called in some trusted advisers, let them read the essay and then gathered opinions. The majority (of three, ha) said it was okay to put my name to it. In fact, two of them actually said, "Fuck it. Put your name on it!". But all three agreed that going anonymous would be okay, too.

Putting my name on it almost happened. Because I know that it's an important piece, something that I should be proud to be associated with as a writer, and as a woman. But something took precedence, something was more important than pride or acknowledgement.

Actually, four somethings. Four someones. My kids.

When I first started writing here, at my lowly little blog, privacy wasn't much of an issue. I used my real first name, and the names of my kids. In fact, the only people I really afforded ANY privacy to were my ex husband and his lovely wife. Now that I look back on it, that doesn't make sense. I was worried about legal repercussions that could result in revealing details about who my ex is, and had very few concerns about what, if anything, could affect my children. Of course, I did ask them if certain subjects were okay for me to write about. And four years ago, they said yes. Four years ago, this blog was "mom's stupid online thing" and not anything to be concerned about.

I never dreamed that anyone outside of my little circle of hens would read this thing, to be honest with you. In fact, I'm still somewhat amazed that perfect strangers find this site every day, and stick around. Almost a million visits? Gah. Blows my little mind, folks. And considering the stuff this mind has seen, that's not an easy feat.

It also blows my little idyllic mindset that this is a private sanctuary, exclusive to friends and supporters.

Because of this, I've been going through old posts, and hiding those that might be considered embarrassing or invasive to my children. When I find enough time, I'm going to go through the whole thing and change names. I always used to roll my eyes when fellow bloggers used pseudonyms for their family members...now I totally get it. My apologies for any eye rolls, friends. YOU WERE RIGHT.

But back to the whole anonymous thing: so the post that's going public is nothing I am embarrassed about. I'm very proud of it. However, it's not something I want my kids reading. Not now. Considering the gravity of the subject, and the topicality of it, yes...I think it's worthy of discussion. And I'd like to decide when it's time to discuss it.

Those of you who are regular readers will probably figure it out. Writing styles are like fingerprints, right? And who knows. Maybe after seeing it "live" I'll change my mind and decide that it's okay to own it. To make it mine. In the meantime, I don't want to risk having my (very) well-intentioned friends linking me to the post, or linking it to this blog. I hope that doesn't sound pretentious, and I certainly hope it's not insulting.

Thank you, so much, for your support and understanding.


  1. Ugh. Now I want to read it and won't know where to find it! But I completely understand where you're coming from. To be honest, I wish I could write anonymously at times as well, not because I don't stand behind what I write, but because of either personal or professional implications. I think we all know that line we can cross without tip-toeing a tad too far out. Good for you for setting those boundaries, and good luck with your piece!

  2. What a hard decision to make... I 100% respect your decision to choose your kids' best interest over your own glory.

  3. What Abby said - this will drive me crazy, looking for it!

  4. Sounds perfectly reasonable to me. If you change your mind, you can always add your name later. If it started out with your name on it, good luck undoing that. Like trying to unpop a balloon.

  5. Totally respect your decision, but now of course I really want to read it!

  6. I absolutely understand. I can name quite a few bloggers right off the top of my head who have had unpleasant things happen to them as a direct result of their blogs because they put their real names and photographs on them. It's a risk-benefit thing. On the one hand, those women all got book deals. On the other hand, those women all got harassed by complete strangers who never would have had them on their radar had it not been for the blog. *shrug* Call me paranoid, but I have enough crap in my life already. Anonymous is the way to go.

  7. I have been reading your blog since 2011! I have zero interest in the identities of your family and the explosive diarrhea that is your ex and his Secretary. I already know them, because in real life there are millions of big daddies and Secretaries, narcissists who destroy everything for their delusional "American Dream" . I will scour the web to find your post and will buy 50 copies of your novel and give them to everybody I know when it comes out! DONT EVER STOP. <3 a fan from Northern California.

    PS , you should write a screenplay,and/ or host an online after-show for the second season of Fargo with housewife friends!

  8. Could you maybe give us a subtle hint so we know where to look? The suspense is killing me

  9. Can we play a 20 Questions game to find the post?

  10. very good and brave read....I just happen to float on that blog area too...

  11. Of course I want to read it ASAP. And I totally respect your decision. I used to roll my eyes too all the Big Guy and Little Thing nicknames. Now I'm wishing I had gone that route, too.

  12. I started out my blog with pseudonyms and it's sometimes tiring to keep up, plus I realize that anything on the internet is probably traceable, anyway. But, like you, for my kids' sake I wanted that at least flimsy sense of anonymity. Sensitive subjects, to be sure, are the ones that might give you pause. But having read your piece and your later post about it here, I'm glad you put your name to it.


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