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11/25/13

7 Things You Totes Need To Stop Saying if You're Over 30 (oops, there's one of them)

UPDATE: Apparently I should have added the term "butthurt" to this list. Because there's a world of hurt butts out there. People, this is not a serious post. It was meant to be read tongue-in-cheek, in a very non-serious way. Some of you need to unclench, just a little. mkay? 



A lot of us are guilty of it. Especially those of us with teens, or tweens, or kids of any age who watch kid-centric television shows or who spend a lot of time on Instagram.

We start to talk like them. Words, phrases, the flotsam and jetsam of another generation's vernacular seeps into ours and before you know it, we catch ourselves (or our friends) dropping these little beauties into everyday conversation, facebook updates, blog posts and tweets.

Someone needs to step in now, and beg of us all: STOP IT. For the love of all things good and pure and age-appropriate, please stop.

Here are the things you need to stop saying if you are over the age of 30. Or if you have a mortgage, or a job that comes with benefits. Or if you have teens. Especially, if you have teens.

1.  TOTES.  When used as an abbreviation for the word "totally", of course. If someone approaches you on a rainy day and says "Hey, I love that cute, compact umbrella! What kind is it?" and you answer, "Totes!", it's all good. But when you walk into the the living room and announce, "Dinner is totes ready!", not so good. Please stop.

2. I KNOW, RIGHT? Last summer I spent a week subbing with a beautiful, tanned, Amazonian 20-something with a beach-volleyball player's body. She was sweet, but answered everything with the words, "I know, right?". I'd walk into the classroom and say, "Holy crap is it hot out" and Tall Tan One would say, "I know, right?". I'd say "Thank God it's Friday!" and she'd look up from the Dora the Explorer Puzzle she was working on and say, "I know, right?".

Yes, I do know. Right. Because I JUST SAID IT.

Now, despite my holier than thou approach to speaking, somehow this virus-like phrase started slipping out of my own mouth. I was horrified by the ease at which it popped out, usually in response to a friend's innocent, middle aged statement along the lines of "I'm so sick of peeing my pants." Only I shortened it, and dropped the questioning nature...and in my head it sounded more like a clipped, British, Colin Firth-ish "right, then" instead of the other way. My head was wrong. It still sounded lame.

3. AMAZEBALLS And while we're at it, let's retire "amazing" for a while, too. "That pumpkin latte was amazeballs!" or "That meatloaf was amazing." No. Nobody really needs to walk around saying the word "balls" except for gym teachers and coaches and boys between the ages of 7 and 15. And the word amazing has been stuck in my craw since my homegirl Nina Badzin wrote about how it's being overused as a compliment. BECAUSE EVERYTHING ISN'T AMAZING. Sometimes it's really good. Sometimes it's yummy. Sometimes it's just so-so. We have so many adjectives in the English language. Let's dust some of the lesser-knowns off and use them for a while.

(and yes, oh the irony of the 47 year old blogger using the word "homegirl"...I almost typed "home-skillet" which would have been even more sad. Amazingly so.)

4. CRAY (OR CRAY-CRAY).  Crazy just sounds better. Or one of the ten million synonyms for crazy. I like a good "crazier than a shithouse rat" but I can't say that when I'm surrounded by 5 year olds. So I oftentimes use "whackadoo". When I hear you say "cray" I think you were going to talk about either crayons and had a brain freeze or else Robert Cray, who happens to be a pretty badass blues guitarist.

You might say he has some cray cray skills.

5. I WILL CUT YOU/ I WILL CUT A BITCH  No, you won't. You're sitting behind the wheel of a Honda Odyssey, you have groceries from Costco melting in the back and you're in the parent pick-up line at school. You're not a character in Orange is the New Black. You're not going to be cutting anyone any time soon so please stop saying you will.

6. ADORBS Are you saying this with any sort of frequency at all? Are you 14 and talking about your BFF's new Harry Styles iPhone case? If the answer to my first question was yes and the answer to my second question was no, then this word needs to stop coming out of your mouth.

7. INTERNETS/INTERWEBS I'm guilty of using this one. And I have no rational explanation for doing so. If we call it Internets does that make it cooler? If we call it what it truly is, "the internet" does that make us sound stodgy and old? I guess it probably does, because who really uses the word "internet" anymore? "Mom, I'm going to access The Internet and get some homework done!" or "Billy, I was using The Internet to look at your grades on Infinite Campus. We need to talk."

Okay, so maybe 7 could use some tweaking. But like that funny lady on YouTube says, "ain't nobody got time for that." Oh! And the word tweaking reminds me of one other thing we should all stop saying:

8. TWERK/TWERKING I know it's kind of ironic when a middle aged mom uses the word "twerk", like when she threatens to start twerking in front of her kid's friends, but honestly, I think the closest any of us are going to come to twerking is that spastic thing our bodies do when we see a big bug in the shower.  Like a centipede. Augh.

That's all I've got. I was going to add that thing where people refer to cats as "kittehs" but that one is over now, right?

If you need me, I'll be channeling Gretchen Wieners from Mean Girls and trying to make "fetch" happen.










Did you get big mad feels after reading this? Then you need to A: pull the stick out of your nether-regions and then B: READ THIS

120 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. You forgot the worst one...... "Oops, my bad... or sorry, my bad.... " My response is, are you really that bad?

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    2. "Chillax" is by far the worst one!

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    3. Chillax is uttered mostly by guys wearing jeans with heavily embroidered back pockets and Affliction t-shirts.

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  2. Word!
    Love this list.
    Luckily, none of what I actually say is on this list. Well, actually I have caught myself using #2, more than I like to admit.

    I say 'cool' an awful lot. Not 'kewl', the old mid-80's valley girlish cool, like, you know what mean? No, I did not grow up in the valley, but was very impressionable at that time. My college roommate used to tease me for that.....more than 20 years ago!!! And I still say it.
    And I probably will keep saying it, dammit. I just can't help it. It slips out.

    I don't get 'fetch'. What does that even mean???
    I will just go back to my over 40 life and not worry about it.

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    1. Raige I am completely guilty of overusing "cool" and "awesome" and yes I spell out OMG with scary frequency. And my kids hate when I spell out BTW in front of their friends. EXAMPLE:

      Oh, hey, Bee Tee Dubs, if you're hungry I left some taco stuff in the fridge.

      You know what? You go ahead and keep saying it. By now it's part of you. It's cool.

      Fetch is from a movie that I have admitted to loving, "Mean Girls". A character named Gretchen Wieners kept trying to make it a go-to word like "cool" or "awesome". It cracked me up. And yes, I do say fetch now and then. Only a few people will catch it. And then we laugh that sad laugh.

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    2. awesome! but fetch really doesn't work in that situation.....so I will stick with cool.
      :)

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  3. Righteous, dude. That was, like, a totally bitchin' post. Like that thing you said about "I know, right?". Oh My God! I'm so sure. You are, like, tubular.

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    1. I'm totally glad it didn't like, gag you with a spoon. That would have been a total bummer, fer sure.

      Side note: I was trying to figure out a way to work Moon Unit into this post. Didn't quite get to it :) So thanks for this.

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    2. Would also accept Sarah Jessica Parker as a reference

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  4. Oh SNAP. I say a TON of those. Like, for realz, I totes do, IRL.

    SHIT.

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    1. LMAO. BTW, I'm totes guilty of saying OH SNAP at school. I now have 20 5 year olds saying "OH SNAP" when something goes wrong. You're welcome, parents.

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  5. OMG.
    I freaking hate that whole obsession with stupid cats trying to be cute, or apathetic, or whatever. "Kitteh" ugh.
    And I am so guilty of so many of these.
    That's what happens when you have teens AND you work in a restaurant with scores of kids decades younger than you.
    When I let one of these slip from my mouth, Charlotte just quietly says, "Mom. No."

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    1. I love Charlotte. And you know, firsthand, how guilty I am of doing this. It's sad. But what can ya do?

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  6. Guilty as charged, Jenny...sigh. I mean, OMG, I TOTES use waaaay too many of these, seriously. Adorbs? Hardly! I mean, I'm your age, so WTF??...But what can I say, I'm still a teen at heart, yo. Hopefully my overuse of slang that I am like SO too old to be using doesn't gross anyone out the door! LMAO. (Seriously, I enjoyed this one!)

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  7. 1. You actually listed 8 things... unless I missed a joke.
    2. Do the offenses stack exponentially if you say something like "that's totes adorbz"?

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    1. 8 was an afterthought and I'm just lazy enough that changing the title seemed like too much work!

      And yes, they do! You're adorbz Tang. I totes appreciate you reading and commenting!

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  8. Your post is spot on! British-isms are my downfall, but I\I have been frowned at by young people for saying "prolly" instead of "probably," prolly because it's out of date. My husband doesn't like "now, then," because it is, he says, an oxymoron. Words are fun! But yes, some are for the young only.

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    1. I totes love you Becky :) I was going to add the usage of the word "cos" but decided against that one. Is that a Brit thing? I do like prolly and have seen people get lambasted for using it.

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  9. This was so hilarious! For most I was cheering you on and other I thought....crap, I use that all the time. I use amazing a lot! But the interwebs?! I LOATHE that one. Thanks for a funny post!

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  10. This was post was . . . PERFECTION. I laughed the whole way and Bryan laughed too reading it over my shoulder. We were both amused to see my name in there, too. Thank you for that shout out. Shit . . . is "shout out" one of these? I think it could be.

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    1. Home skillet! Thanks for the props. Oops...did I just go there?

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  11. Funny. I will share this to see if we can help the language of over 30s. My favourite part may be- if I had to pick one- you are not a character in Orange is the New Black. That will amuse me all day. Thanks for the chuckles.

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  12. Haha, this is fabulous. I have used 2 and 7 many, many times, though I think I got "I know, right" from Liz Lemon. That would make it okay, right? Right?

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    1. That makes it totes okay. I say "I want to go to there" ad nauseam. So yeah. It's okay, Rivki.

      Thank you so much for reading!

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    2. I do like liz's..."I want to go to there" there her daughter said. I have used it a few times, too!

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    3. If Tina says it, you know it's okay for now. Thank you for reading.

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  13. Nooooooooooooo!!! Did you see the word of the year? It's "selfie." I didn't know what it was, and when I looked it up, I felt a little sick. I hate those things. I really don't want to know that your bathroom mirror is dirty or see your towel hanging on the shower door. Ick ick ick!!! I can't believe it's word of the year.

    http://www.cnn.com/2013/11/19/living/selfie-word-of-the-year/

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    1. Dear Lord. I got my first taste of selfies on eHarmony. They really just need to stop.

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  14. This was hilarious! I just turned 30, so I should probably stop, but I'm guilty of "I know, right?" and "the the internets/interweb."

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    1. Don't stop, Molly. You still have like, a grace period or something if you only just turned 30. Plus you probably look young for your age. All women named Molly do.

      Thank you for reading :)

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  15. "Feeling some type/kind of way" What does that mean?? Are you happy, sad, frightened, anxious, excited, aggravated? Facebook (where I have noticed this used the most) makes it easy for you now where you add how you're feeling at the bottom of your status. Even gives you an emoticon to go with it. I bet ”some type of way" is not one of the choices.

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    1. Krista, you lost me. Where did you get "feeling some type/kind of way"?

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    2. "Feeling some kind of way" is a line in the song "Type of Way" by Rich Homie Quan.

      (*Fun Fact* - The song, and line, were made popular by the Michigan State Spartan's head coach, Mark Dantonio, when he said that he dances to that song with his team after games. Also he said he was in fact "Feeling some kinda of way" in response to winning the Big Ten National Championship and going to the 100th Rose Bowl Tournament)


      On another note, actually related to this article - I love it, totes agree (I still have 3 years to say it lol), and I think saying the word "Doll-hairs" in reference to "dollars" should be added to the list. :)

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    3. Okay, thanks Hailey! I watched it on YouTube and honestly I'm surprised I didn't know that one...my son Henry is probably all over that one.

      And can I just say THANK YOU for being the age you are and understanding where I was coming from when writing this? I'm really surprised to hear a small but vocal group of women around your age who took this article VERY seriously and are all kinds of angry with me. I think it's funny, but it kind of makes me weep for the younger generation. NOT EVERYTHING IS SERIOUS.

      Thank you!

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  16. 7 things you totes need to stop writing about if you're over 30: See Above.

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    1. That made me laugh loudest. Quick comeback. ;) Enjoyed the post.

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  17. I enjoyed the good laugh! Thank you. I am guilty of using awesome and cool a lot so I did shrivel in my seat while I read that part. I wanted to throw a few more words your way, haha how about...people who say something disturbing to them and they end it up with Really!? also when something is great they call it sick and my husband's favorite I use when we are in a dispute over something the famous Whatever! :D

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    1. Hey, awesome and cool are totes not on the list! No worries (gah, that's probably another one!).

      I loathe the sarcastic "really?" too. Good call. Sick I get a lot of from my kids...and whatever is now whatevs in my house.

      I also get texts from my kids that simply read, "TF". It took me a minute to figure that one out. Then I laughed.

      Thank you so much for reading, and for commenting.

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  18. I hate the word "chillax" with a passion. or all the "Sunday Funday" crap. good lord people. great post. and I love Gretchen Weiners. I'm totes going to try to work fetch into my every day language:)

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    1. Sweet Jesus.."Sunday Funday" makes me twitch. Ha!

      I lost my copy of Mean Girls, bought a new one at Target :) I think everyone should watch it at least once.

      Thank you so much for reading!

      Delete
  19. LOVE THIS and thank you for making this list!! We need to include "epic" to the list. Amazeballs and Epic make me want to shove meat thermometers in my ears.

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    1. Glenna, I love the specific thermometer, ha! "MEAT: When ordinary thermometers can't get the job done."

      Epic is just sad now. Nothing is epic and never will be, ever again.

      Thanks so much for reading!

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  20. "BeeTeeDubs"! Same amount of syllables as "By the way" so nothing saved here.
    "OhEmmGee"... Same as BTW. Not saving any time or syllables. SO, PLEASE JUST USE THE ORIGINAL FORMS.

    I think the one that irks me beyond all rational IrkedMcIrkison (yes, that's irony in that the whole "word+Mac+word+ison thing drives me nuts, too..... HottyMcHottyson, ChattyMcChatterson, etc, etc....) is the word Ginormous. It's gigantic or it's enormous, not both. I cried a little when my children didn't even realize that Ginormous isn't actually a proper word, but the combination of two words, neither of which they never hear anyone use. *ugh!*

    Then again, I'm an English major. I have been accused once or twice of being slightly grammar-nazi-ish. (Oh. Grammar Nazi. That's another one.) :)

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    1. Oh Laura, if I had finished college I would have been an English major as well.

      The Mc thing drives me insane. And even though I'm guilty of using ginormous once and a while, we are in agreement on that one, too.

      Thanks for reading!

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  21. I will continue to say butthurt and amazeballs because, at 35, I'm comfortable enough with marks to say whatever I want.

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  22. Need to eliminate the old, overused, and ridiculous "peeps" from mature vocabulary when referring to friends/acquaintances.
    Also, the awkwardly inappropriate "I like me some..." as in "I like me some barbecue ribs" instead of "I like barbecue ribs".

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  23. I think you are right on.. I am so sick of misuse of the English language, you know... y'all... I it is one thing to know short-hand words but the everyday use of them is unforgiving. I have a 40+ daughter in law that absolutely is the answer or comment on everything.. and a daughter that still says you know as an exclamation to sentences and over uses the word goes... She goes, he goes... No they don't go ---they said, they exclaimed, they laughed... I keep telling her to use her words - a college graduate...Some of the words you used I didn't know or haven't' heard..
    Or I like the one writer who told the kids to quit using urbanics as a language...and that they should choose between African and American and not hyphenate the word... or Korean American, Japanese American.. just choose one - the Anglos did many years ago...If you are so infatuated with being a hyphen go back to where you claim to be from...

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    1. I thought I was perfect until I heard myself being interviewed on a radio show. I lost count of how many times I said "You know"...hanging my head in shame!

      AUGH! "Absolutely". That one gets me, too.

      Thank you so much for reading!

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  24. I don't think any of my over-30 friends have ever used any of these phrases. Perhaps you need to start hanging out with more-intelligent people?

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    1. Hey, that's not nice! The people I hang out with are very intelligent. For example, they all understood that this wasn't a serious post. I question the intelligence of every person who read this and got their panties in a bunch.

      Thanks for reading!

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  25. PLEASE stop with the "literally." No, you're not so mad that you're "literary going to explode." Maybe "figuratively" you will, but certainly not literally. If you were, your friends would be calling an ambulance, and more importantly a medical researcher to study the first case of human anger-induced combustion. And yes you pissed off your parents but they aren't "literally" going to kill you, otherwise you'd be running to the cops, not back home for your 3 weeks of grounding.

    So please, no more "literally." Pretty please? Otherwise I may "literally explode" (call the docs)

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    1. I like to use the word literally, however I do use it properly. as in....I literally am going to get no sleep before I have to go to the airport!

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    2. Another person I worked with once used "literally" in literally every single sentence that walked out of her mouth. Literally is like ginger. Use is sparingly..just a dab'll do ya.

      Thanks for reading!

      Delete
  26. Can we please add "soz" to the list? Disgusts me to hear anyone use it, but I want to cut out the tongue of my 36 year old friend when he says it. How sorry are you if you can't be bothered to say the actual word?

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    1. Robin, I haven't heard this one? How is it used? As an abbreviation for sorry?? Long o or short o?

      This one is bad. Thanks for spreading the awareness, and thank you so much for reading!

      Delete
  27. I am tired of hearing "awesome" used to describe something that is nice, pretty, a good idea, whatever. Awesome means something that inspires awe - not getting out of school early or going to a party (unless it's at the Four Seasons) or hearing that your BFF got an i-Phone for Christmas.

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    1. This is one that has become the herpes of words. It gets double the angst points when it's said sarcastically.

      Thank you so much for chiming in!

      Delete
  28. Can we get rid of 'jelly' also, not the fantastic spread that goes so well on toast, but the moronic use of jealous...please please please!?!?

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    1. Augh! Yes. I agree! I've heard it used one other way that baffles me though.."You can't handle this jelly". All I can picture is grape jelly on an English muffin.

      Thank you so much for reading!

      Delete
  29. How could you forget to add the "word" "awesomesauce?" Yes, that is still floating out there polluting decibels.

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    1. Java, I think I've blocked that one out! Truly awful.

      Thank you for reading!

      Delete
  30. Fabulous list! But there is one my daughter users that should die a short and painful death. Lol. Not l-o-l. Sounded out lol. When she thinks something is fine but not funny enough to actually laugh out loud she says "lolllll" in a dull monotone voice. Hate. It.

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    1. Unfortunately, I know exactly what you are referring to. You have my sympathy! Thanks for reading, Pam.

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  31. I'm turning 30 this week and I learned almost all of these phrases from people older than me. There were jokes about abbreviations like; totes, cray, belig, etc in Vice magazine like ten years ago. I'll change when I feel like it and y'all schoolmarms can deal with it. You love yoga pants and martinis and think that Pearl Jam is cool, your opinions carry no weight.

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    1. Bummer. I wrote this with the intent of changing the way you (yes, specifically you, anonymous ) talk. So much for my evil plan.

      Your rejection has broken my heart. Tonight's martini will be dirty, with extra tears.

      Hey, happy birthday.

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    2. Thanks, for the record though dirty Martinis are ok. I just wanted to point out that the natural progression for these kinds of neologisms is cool people -> kids -> everyone. We didn't all pick these things up from the kids. Although I hear that being over thirty gives you the magic ability to make things uncool at will, which I think we should all embrace.

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    3. I appreciate the lesson in neologisms! And also your stamp of approval for the dirty martinis.

      I'm still chapped about the Pearl Jam comment, though. And I think Eddie Vedder would also be very hurt.

      Delete
  32. I say ALL OF THESE ... I'm 29 :p oh how I laughed when reading it! AWESOMESAUCE!!!

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    1. Thanks for reading, and for having a sense of humor, Cara! I'm finding that there are a few women in your age bracket who totes thought I was being all serious :)

      Delete
  33. One phrase that needs to be retired is "ya feel me?"

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  34. Please add pwned pronounced powned..My 10 year old has recently picked up the phrase "Oh! He/She pwned you!" He says it so many times a day I could scream (or shove glass in my ears which may be less painful).

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    1. I thank God every day for the headphones my 13 year old wears whilst playing XBOX. I used to have to hear the adolescent screams of YOU GOT PWNED! over and over again.

      Thanks for reading, Silver.

      Delete
  35. Hey we need to tone down on the word " facts" and the phase " that's a fact" as a mentor and case manager for youth, I always fall into there lingo. Lol that's a fact!

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  36. I really enjoy the use of home skillet or home slice, though I only use it with friends who are almost as old as I am.
    This is a great list you've written - amazingly enjoyable.

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    Replies
    1. I will readily admit to uttering both home slice and home skillet myself. But yeah, to my fellow fossils.

      Thank you so much for reading!

      Delete
  37. I enjoyed reading this, and yes am guilty of a few from the list. Of course my least favorite saying right now is HASHTAG. I'm hearing this in the classroom everyday now.

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    1. I say we start our own: "pound sign". Isn't that what # is? Or am I hallucinating?

      Thank you so much for #reading :)

      Delete
  38. "Just sayin'" has spread like wildfire the past few years. It's taken hold as the cool way to offer an apology for something in which the speaker anticipates the listener might be offended by or disagree with. Kind of silly.

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    1. NO PLEASE TO "JUS SAYIN".... this has been a really fun blog and so are the replys. Dody

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    2. YES. Have confidence in what you say without having to back it up with a "just sayin'". Yes, you did just say it.

      Thanks for reading!

      Delete
  39. Completely agree with "I know, right?" I cringe every time I hear it.

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    1. Yep. And sometimes I'm taken aback by WHO says it. But now that this came out, it's all I hear. Don't worry, it should be over soon.

      Thanks so much for reading!

      Delete
  40. I would like to add the improper and unnecessary use of the word 'random' to your list.

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    Replies
    1. You are not alone! That one has come up over and over.

      Thank you for reading!

      Delete
  41. Stop saying "hashtag" before a word...No one can even explain what this word actually means...and "HOLLAH"...what??? I just landed that new job after I got my Masters Degree...HOLLLAH!!!! And the word "oma" for I'm going to...ok, I'm done!! haha

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    1. Who even came up with hashtag? I mean, I realize it's from #twitter but still. I thought it was called something else...the pound sign, right? Hashtag always, ALWAYS makes me want #hashbrowns.

      Hollah, yes. I have yet to hear "oma" though. I know "finna" was something for a while. My third son and his crew used that one for a while.

      And "ish" for "shit". "Those angry women keep talking ish about me". I kind of like that one.

      Thanks so much for reading!

      Delete
  42. Literally, as in "OmG, I'm literally having lunch right now!"
    Random, as in "so then this like, random guy just started talking to me."
    Old school, as in anything that happened or was customary three or more years ago
    .

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    Replies
    1. Yah! Literally. So abused. It's literally a worthless word now. And random too.

      To me, Old School will always be a semi-funny movie starring Will Ferrell. "We're going streaking through the quad!".

      Thank you so much for chiming in!

      Delete
  43. I recently came across the word "champs", short for champagne, 30 something year old ladies were using in and yep, made my skin crawl. When did "champs" happen?

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    1. Wait a minute. Champs? Pronounced like the word "champion" or like "shamps"? Because either way is bad. I'm sorry you had to hear this.

      Thank you so much for reading!

      Delete
  44. Actually saying OMG. Instead of oh my god. Its an extra half a second. Live a little.

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    Replies
    1. Even "oh my god" has lost its punch, don't you think? I have preschoolers who say it.

      Thank you for reading!

      Delete
  45. This kills me. Thank you, my dear.

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  46. Every time I hear a teen or trying-too-hard wannabe teen say 'that is so sick' I roll my eyes and utter 'Whatevs.' Both need to retire!

    Love this post :)

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    Replies
    1. Thanks so much for reading! And yes. sick can be done now too.

      Delete
  47. This made me laugh :) did you notice you made this list? http://www.earnestparenting.com/2014/01/11/top-15-single-mom-blogs-of-2014/

    great job!

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  48. "Good looks" short for "good lookin' out" short for Thank you.

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  49. I found this article quite funny and I couldn't agree more! All of these phrases are like fingernails on a chalkboard to my ears! I first read this article on huffpost and followed you here. I was so shocked by the comments on huffpost and by how many adults were offended. I truly find it sad that so many grown-ups still have such an imature and rebellious attitude. Some were so upset by your post, you would think you had told to stop breathing after 30. Come on, people. It's an entertaining blog post that points out how annoying some things are to some people. To me, their temper tantrums just go to show how immature they really are. Nice post Jennifer! That is all. :)

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  50. Hilarious! I'm only guilty of one of these. Well two on occasion, but since I don't use ALL of them I feel slightly more mature which is the perfect opportunity to incorporate smug haha. I posted it to my FB - congrats on Voice of the Year nod!

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  51. Agreed, and can we talk about "don't go there," which middle-aged white men seem to have embraced with a passion? Or even "talk to the hand," which makes me want to smack the speaker? No. Stop it. You sound like an idiot.

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  52. I swear to god, "the interweb" makes me writhe in agony. It's SO pretentious I can hardly even bring myself to write it. IT'S NOT A WORD, people. Tweens and Dr Who fans (oh, and incidentally, "Whovians" isn't a word either) continue to be unaware of how stupid they sound when they use it. Ugh! Thank you for the lovely post. I enjoyed it. I am sure there is sufficient nonsense floating about for a part two.

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  53. This is funny! Thanks for sharing!

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  54. "You're not a character in Orange is the New Black."

    You kind of fell into your own trap like a boss..saying a criminal would be ginormousely cooler...but yolo so who really cares if you did dat. Swag and cheers bruh

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  55. If I hear that something is Epic one more time....

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