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1/7/13

What do you do...

What do you do, when out of nowhere you find yourself

Sad
Mad
Grief-stricken
Worried
Ashamed
Scared
Hateful

What do you do when one or two or ALL of these feelings barge in and make themselves at home in your

Heart
Head
Soul
Gut
Spine
Psyche
Dreams
Nightmares

What do you do when you're trying to go about your day, your life, like you do every single day.  Being

A mom
A friend
A daughter
A sister
A neighbor
A co-worker
A teacher
A wife
A person

What do you do?  Here's what I do.  I

Stop
Acknowledge what I'm feeling
Think about why that feeling found me
Allow that feeling to stay, but just for a moment

Then, I

Think about what has happened in my life
Think about what I've overcome
Think about what the 90 year old me would have to say about what I was just feeling
Think about where I was 20 years ago, then 10 years ago, then 5.  Then where I was last year.  Last month.
Think about who my friends were back then.
Think about who they are now.
Think about all the good that has flowed my way.
Think about the good I've tried to pass on.

And then, I

Try to imagine what my children will be like as adults. As spouses. As friends.  As parents.
Try to imagine what I would tell my children if they asked me what to do when they start feeling

Sad
Mad
Grief-stricken
Worried
Ashamed
Scared
Hateful

What will I tell them?

I'll tell them

That they are perfect.
That they are loved.
That they are good.
That they matter.
That they have made my life better
and fuller
and richer
and happier

Just by being born.

Lately I've found myself in a good spot.  A healing spot.  A happy spot. But those feelings, they surprise me.  They come out to play now and again. They ambush me. Sometimes they knock the wind out of me, and sometimes they are as quiet as a spider spinning a web.  Sometimes I know exactly why I'm feeling that way. Sometimes it's a mystery.  

I'm trying to navigate this life, and some days it's hard. Some days I breeze through it like wind through a screen.  And some days, it's a little bit of both.

There are days when I want, more than anything, for time to stop, and go in reverse just so I can try to fix whatever broke.  There are days I want time to speed up, just to get us through a rough patch.  But lately I have been accepting time for what it is:  it is a never-ending, always-changing gift.

I can choose to sit here and think about the past and the stress and the wrongs. Or I can choose to open up each day, each gift and try to

Learn
Teach
Heal
Comfort
Nurture
Laugh
Love  and

Live.

Today, I live.  I will learn, I will teach, I will heal, I will comfort, I will nurture, I will laugh and I will love.



Today, I will live.









20 comments:

  1. These positive posts are so heartwarming when you're feeling down or just not very happy about it being a Monday. I'm glad you're in a good spot & looking at your glass half full instead of half empty.

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    1. Thanks Lin...I'm finding this is coming in handy on many non-Monday days too :)

      Thanks for reading!

      Jenny

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  2. Amazing. Truly a voice to thoughts I often experience but have no words for. You continue, as always, to inspire me. Love you, friend!

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    1. Thanks for the high praise lady! Love you right back.

      Jenny

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  3. Wow! This post is amazing. After the emotional weekend I had, I SOOOO needed to read this today. I know how Blessed I am and I am so very Grateful for my life, but sometimes all these feelings sneak in when you least expect it. Thank you for this reminder that we are not perfect and will sometimes have days like this. What matters is that we pick ourselves up, smile and just keep moving forward.

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    1. Thank you Sil. I hope you're in a good place today!

      Sometimes even the smiling is hard. I'm glad I could help get you moving forward.

      Thank you for reading!

      Jenny

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  4. You are a smart, brave, and loving person. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Are you feeling better yet?
    Thanks for the inspiration and stuff.

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    1. Gail I'm 100% better. However, I am the only person I know who can gain weight when sick. Sigh.

      Thanks for the kind words..I feel the same way about YOU.

      Jenny

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  5. We love you, and your writing, Jenny, because you find humor in life's difficulties, and because you grow and learn, and we grow and learn with you. I sense a big change happening here. From victim (albeit a snarky and funny one!) to .... a woman greeting life with open arms, heart and mind. Open to ... growing and learning. And open to loving in new ways.

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    1. Aww man I'm kind of sad to see that snarky victim leave! She made me laugh :)

      But here's to growing and learning. I think all of us are capable of doing just that.

      Thanks for everything, Becky.

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  6. One of your best posts, Jenny. Straightforward, powerful, but not sappy. (I should print it out and put it on the damn fridge! Great for cognitive-therapy workouts when needed.)

    I loved reading it. It's like a hardscrabble hug. And it's also like poetry.

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    1. Thanks Shannon (feels weird to call you that, Salish!)

      Hardscrabble is such a GREAT word. We need more hardscrabble.

      Thanks for your kind words.

      Jenny

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  7. Jenny, this post is my favorite.

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  8. OMG, this post is more intelligent, insightful, and all-around helpful, in just about one page of text, than the vast majority of self-help/pop psych books out there!! (And do you realize you've made these points way more effectively than many therapists, including at least one that I saw??) This is GREAT, Jenny...and you mean, I'm not the only one who sometimes has bad feelings ambush me, about stuff that I think I "should" be done with already? That in itself is a huge comfort! You go, girl...you may not always feel this way, but you are a model of strength and resilience...and how lucky your kids are to have you!

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    1. Wow..thank you JCS! Maybe my years of sporadic therapy actually sunk in a little?

      Thanks for reading.

      Jenny

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  9. Great post, you certainly have a way with words, very much enjoy reading your posts. I do agree this one is great in so many ways.

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  10. I was taking some time this afternoon to browse old posts by some of my favorite bloggers and this one came up and, damn. I'm glad I read this today.

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    1. I'm glad you found it, too. Hope you're doing well, friend.

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