Hello, and welcome to my "About Me" page. My name is Jenny and that is me sometime in the very early 80's. My hair still looks a lot like this.
This blog is pretty much an online diary for me. I've worked through a lot of shit on here and it's been the most therapeutic thing I've ever done. It's also allowed me to meet some pretty awesome people and that is like extra thick buttercream frosting on this crazy lady's cake.
Someday I'd like to write a book. In order to do that, though, I have to get over some staggering self-confidence issues. What I lack in confidence I make up for in laziness and sometimes I think about just printing up this blog and calling it my book and be done with it. Because writing is hard work.
If I do write the book, it will be a bestseller. Okay, maybe a reallygoodseller. Because it's about surviving and it's about the invisibling of women after they hit a certain age and it's about being poor in a country that really doesn't like to acknowledge poor people and it's about parenting broken kids when you are also broken. It's also funny as hell because let's be real for a sec- some of this posturing we all do is so ridiculous all we can do is laugh while we're frantically doing it.
I used to hate my ex-husband but now I just don't care. Not caring is a whole lot better than hating. Now I hate people who take their sweet ass time going through the notoriously short left-turn arrows in my city. Seriously. Who brakes while they're going through those lights? THE LEFT TURN LIGHTS IN MY CITY LAST FOUR GD SECONDS. YES I HAVE TIMED THEM.
I have two life-threatening allergies. Penicillin and tree nuts. Assassins, take note.
I cannot wait to fall in love again. Or maybe I can? I've been known to make even the most minimal social interaction with a dude (he says an earnest "thank you" when I put the little plastic barrier thing on the food treadmill Costco checkout between my purchases [dog treats, Ling Ling's potstickers] and his [tampons for his wife, usually, or diapers for his small children because I am woefully oblivious]) and by the time I am putting the cart away in the parking lot we've dated, almost gotten married and then had a really bad breakup. Pretend relationships are EXHAUSTING.
Anything more than two dirty martinis is a bad, bad idea. At least for me.
I once met, and hugged, Chris Farley.
One of my kids is named after Charles Barkley, one after Molly Ringwald, one after William Shakespeare and my dog is named after a character in the John Irving novel "The World According to Garp". Henry was my grandfather's middle name so no celebrity/literary story for you, son.
Much to the disdain of anyone who texts me, I am guilty of emoji-overuse. Insert grimacing emoji here. Followed by the red heart and then either the martini or wine one.
In the world of bloggers, I'm a real small fish. If there was a blogger family, I'd be the weird emo stepkid your cousin brings to the holiday gatherings, you know the one who avoids eye contact and clutches the bent paper plate in their hands long after they're done eating because they don't want to have to ask which cupboard door is the garbage one.
That's all I've got for now! If you need to contact me, my blog email is happyhausfrau@comcast.net
Have a really great day.
Just read your article on the ruining of your son's day..Having raised 4 WONDERFUL kids.. I have felt your pain. As a father and husband I was not always so nice to my kids antagonists. But I learned something the HARD way. No matter how well I fought my kids battles to try to protect them from the evils of this world.. they will ultimately ALWAYS HAVE to do it themselves. You write well. I loved your love for your son. BUT.. In the end... he will have to learn how to handle the meanies and haters on his own. And THAT, dear mom.. is the hardest thing to watch. Teach Him to fly on his own. And that there WILL be people trying to take him down. HIS attitude will be the deciding factor in his future.. not mom's.
ReplyDeleteHello! Thank you so much for reading, and for taking the time to comment.
DeleteI appreciate you kind words :) I hope it was clear in my post that my son did indeed handle this one on his own. And how he handled it made me very proud. I don't think there's any shame in a kid (and as you know, at 16 they are still very much kids) talking to his mom about how something made him feel. In fact, I think him being able to express himself so openly and honestly will only result in him being exactly the kind of man I hope he'll become. One who is sensitive, tactful and strong enough to stand up for himself but not take others down while he does so.
My kids have been through some pretty crappy times, and each one of them has impressed me with their maturity and their grace.
I felt that I had to say something to the woman, and I did so in an email the day after I wrote this. I explained to her how maybe she should rethink her approach, and how it might not be the best idea to solicit business from minors while they are on the clock at their jobs.
I do really appreciate the kindness in your comment. Thank you :)
I also just found your blog from the story mentioned above. I do hope that, if she responds, you are able to post a new article regarding what transpired between the two of you in that email exchange.
DeleteMy daughter is almost 15 months old, and I hope that I am able to refrain from getting too angry at those who hurt my daughter, intentional or not.
Have a great evening and thank you for a wonderful read!
I enjoyed reading your blog. You definitely used wisdom in not responding while you were upset. This was a lesson to all. Keep it moving.
ReplyDeleteHear-hear!!! LOVE the letter to Amway Jennifer!!!
ReplyDeleteJenny, Im heartbroken that you've taught your son to be such an emotional kid. He would never last in the real world. I can see that your divorce has made a negative impact on your sons life because he is clearly a mamas boy. That's NOT a good thing. He is 16 not 6. He needs to grow a pair and frankly so do you. I'm so sad that the draft no longer exists in out country. Your son will be nothing but a pussy if you continue to raise him alone. He needs the military or another form of discipline to step in and undermine your soft liberal attitude. People say things they shouldn't all the time. We're only human. But the reaction your son had, and the way you coddled him... Pathetic. My husband and I read this to our 15 year old son. He was dumbfounded that your child is so sensitive. If your son has acne perhaps you should be helping him. Washing his face, taking him it the dermatologist etc... Sounds like you were just upset that Jennifer called out your poor parenting skills. You already also divorced... Not a very good example for your children. I'm sure you have a solid reason to why you are no longer married, yadda yadda yadda. You should have chosen a better husband to have children with so your children could grow up in a two parent home.
ReplyDeleteP.S. Calling your son Cartman? Now that's hurtful. Why is it your children even know about South Park? Just because it's animated doesn't mean it's for children. But I'm sure as a single parent you just park your kids in front of the tv.
So your son is 15 and can't read?? That's so sad!
DeleteThis is just ridiculous. I mean, are you serious? Are you really saying what you are saying? Are you really such a retrograde or you are just posing? Because, no matter how hard I try I can't really take your comment completely seriously. So, my mother also raised me by herself. My father died. So, I guess she should have chosen a healthier candidate within her pool of possible husbands so she could have raised me to be a better men. Oh, silly mother! I should totally blame her for being such a bad chooser! BTW I also turned out to be a pussy, I mean, sorry, I also turned out to be gay. That would be surely also because of my mom not having finding a new husband! Mothers are so useless without a man! I surely should be sent to military school... Oh... Guess that wouldn't work to scare my homosexuality away, it actually would be kind of exciting to live surrounded only by men! And also there is that "don't ask, don't tell" policy around. Well... I guess my life is completely ruined because of my mom. She also raised me to be an emotional kid. To be loving and caring. Gosh! I should have known better than to listen to her!... I'm this useless successful actor, graduated with a bachelor "cum laude" (which means I had one of the best scores so you can explain to your son what it means), with only 23 years old and who has worked already as an University Professor, done a Master on Education and presented several successful plays in his mother country. Oh my GOD! My mom its such a loser! I hate her so much right now! Thank you for opening my eyes! I must go and ask my mom for some explanations! I really truly thank you!
DeleteLOL...I love you, ArlecchinoVlad :)
DeleteOMG what a hypocrite!! Someone with the name "familyvalues" wrote this! It's apparent that she obviously doesn't have any! And no kindness or empathy either if she can be so downright mean and rude!
Delete"Family values" (good one, by the way):
DeleteUm, the draft still exists in "out" country.
"Family values" washing your face doesn't cure acne. What a stupid comment. Maybe if you taught your 15 year old son to read and learned some grammar it would be a start. Just reading this comment tells me that you aren't very intelligent. Just when you think society couldn't get any worse you get people spreading nonsense like this. Seriously think you better rethink your "family values". I can only hope this idiotic comment was a poor attempt at a joke, but I wouldn't be surprised if it was actually serious.
DeleteHallo happy hausfrau!
ReplyDeleteMy name is Luis Carlos, you might call me Charlie if you will. I'm a young Venezuelan amateur Translators with a bachelor on modern languages. A couple of weeks ago (or so) I came by mere chance to your post about the Amway Lady who ruined your sons night. As a former target of inapropiate comments I felt touched and decided to make a free translation of your article. I have no interest in money at all. It's just part of a blog that I started quite recently and where I'm planning to post free translations of articles I like and find interesting (I'm kind of picky so it has been hard to fill that blog). So far I have one translation made and this one would be second. Of course it would have a link to your blog to the original article and I specify that it doesn't belong to me and that it is a free translation. Also, I felt the need to change very little things to make the article understandable to its new readers (ex. I had to change Amway which I've never ever heard about here in Venezuela for Avon, which is a very common brand to be selling around with catalogues). Beyond that, not much.
Also I stablished to myself that I had to try to contact the owner and original author of the article to ask for their permission for the publishing. As I said, it would have your link, I would not make any money with it nor take any credit for the original article. If you want me to send you the Spanish version made by me before posting, I could send it to you.
So, thank you for reading, sorry for bothering and keep writing and raising. Your writing makes me see you as an awesome mom! Keep the hard work!
Yes of course. No worries. Thank you for reaching out!
DeleteJust wondering how long its been Since your divorce, my husband left me and I am at that stage where I am WritinG goodbye letters to my seven kids, the only problem is I haven't thrown them away...
DeleteI hope your ok
DeleteJenny, your response to "family values" was priceless!
ReplyDeleteHa! I know we're not supposed to feed the trolls, but come on. That one was classic.
DeleteI would like to write you a long email, soon. Meanwhile, I can not wait until your next blog post! You are truly an inspiration for many women out there.
ReplyDeleteJenny, I just read your essay in Famiy Circle magazine, "Food for Thought". Long story short, you have a new fan and blog follower thanks to your insightful, beautiful essay!
ReplyDeleteHi Jenny, like Adrian, I also just read your essay in Family Circle and that is why I sought out your blog. I have also been a client of our local food pantry and it always bugged me that people in church (and later when my kids were older, at school) would be taking up collections for the food pantry and talking about it as though it was some distant and remote thing for distant and remote people when people in the pew right next to them (my kids and me) were clients. Early on I felt shame and humiliation about having to shop at "the special food store" and take vouchers to the local supermarket where people knew me and made comments about how "you really have your hands full" (my kids were really young) but would they consider lending a hand? (No.) I am not ashamed any more and am open about that phase of my life. My kids and I do a walk for hunger every year to benefit the same pantry that helped us so much. I would rather have had the experience we did and gained the empathy we have than be one of the scornful, "sterile" ones. Thanks for your essay and I look forward to reading more of your blog! (I am also a Libra.)
ReplyDeleteI too had to go to the food bank when an ex defaulted on child support for two yrs, and I was embarrassed, but determined to feed my 5 girls with free bread and sometimes produce. I now can contribute to that same food bank with joy.When I told some church people @ my struggles, I got a pat and a prayer, where I could of used groceries. Thye can't underdstand what they've never experienced, so I chose to forgive their ignorance.
ReplyDeleteI Just read your piece in Family Circle, it made me cry. I am a single mother of 3. My daughter is grown and married, but I still have 2 teenage boys at home. What you said about looking at your kids and not knowing how you are going to feed them touched me deeply. I felt like such a failure. It does something to a mother's very soul to feel like she cannot feed her children. We moved in with my daughter and her family in 2011 and there were several times she had to go to the food pantry and get food for all of us. There were 8 of us and I was so incredibly grateful for the food we received and I did send up a prayer of thanks.
ReplyDeleteEven before I moved in with my daughter buying groceries was a struggle. Things are a bit better now. But there is a food pantry right down the road, it's comforting to know it's there if we ever need it. I won't be ashamed, I will do what I need to do, as always.
Love love love this blog! I don't know how I found it . However; thank u sweet baby Jesus I did!!
ReplyDeleteI just read your 8 Years a Divorcee: 8 Things I'd Tell My Freshly Divorced Self on Huff Post and I wanted to tell you how hopeful I feel as a result. In August, my husband admitted (after I drew it out of him) to an affair with a co-worker. They are having a baby in February. So I am not even divorced yet but I know that what you say is the truth and there will be a point, eight years down the line, that I will be able to say all these things to myself of right now. Over a good margarita. Thank you - I feel so very understood! Mamie
ReplyDeleteHi Jenny,
ReplyDeleteI read your "8 Things I'd go back and tell my newly divorced self", on Christmas Eve. You made me laugh, cry from laughing, cringe and totally relate.
After 40 years of marriage, my divorce was final last month and reading that reminded me that indeed, I did do everything to try to save my marriage. However, I could not get over the fact that my ex had an affair with "homewrecker" for 10 years. According to ex- "knowing your personality, you will never get over this". Really? I'm guessing "homewrecker" has the personality to put up with your cheating ass!
I was with this man since I was 17. I'm on my own for the first time ever, my kids are wonderful and grown. I'm looking forward to many wonderful years of drinking dirty martinis and loving my personality, just the way it is! By the way, I am hooked, you are freaking amazing!
And here I am, 7 months later to give you a hug. Sorry about the long delay, but please know your comment touched me.
DeleteI'm sorry you're being put through this. Every single story like yours, like mine...like OURS, cuts me to the core. It's not only the utter shittiness of it all, it's the cruelty and the indifference and the complete lack of humanity these men display.
How can they do this to the women they once supposedly loved? How can they put their dicks inside another woman while their wives live obliviously, taking care of their children and home and washing their mother effing underwear?
I know it's one of those "two sides to every story" things, but I can't imagine how awful they make their side out to be. When all it would take is just a tiny set of balls to do the right thing.
Oooh ranty today, Jenny? I guess so.
I'm sorry.
And yes, you are amazing too, my friend. We all are! Strong and funny and brave and a-freaking-mazing.
Thank you for being here.
I just googled "what to do when your husband leaves you" and now here I am. I read both parts one and two. I was comforted to know that I am not the only one to search such a sad thing out of desperation and that there is happiness on the other side. I will take your kind words and advice and add them to my list of positives. I am coming off the divorce diet just now and comfort food is making its move back in. I've been thinking about going to the gym and this was a good reminder of all the reasons that would be good for me.
ReplyDeleteThank you. Thank you. Thank you. I needed this right now. It's amazing how someone you don't know can give you a little peace and hope for better days to come.
I appreciate you.
{I would proof read this but it's 3am and I think I am finally ready to stop crying and sleep. Forgive anything that is spelled wrong or doesn't make sense...I have bigger problems ;) }
Thank you so much for sharing all you do! As a mother of a 16 year old boy, I feel lost most of the time. There are not very many blogs out there that are about children over the age of 12. So, thanks again for making me feel less alone and letting me know that it's ok to be a weepy mess sometimes ☺️
ReplyDeleteYour work is fabulous. Thank you for this. In fact, it has inspired me to start my own blog. Except I screwed up the name of it already. It was a quote from Shakespeare. Really inspirational but I somehow tacked my now 30 year old daughter's childhood nickname to the end of it. I don't know how I did it. Sigh. Thanks again!
ReplyDeleteI just read your article in the December issue of Family Circle. Thank you! I could have written the exact same words. I'm 40 something, divorced for five years, I hated Christmas for all of the same reasons as you. I can't compete with the flashy gifts and expensive trips my ex lavishes on my son (funded of course, with the child support money he doesn't pay!). Your article gave me a new perspective and I'll try to take on the holidays this year with new optimism and joy. I hope my son gets the gift of a happy mom too. After all, the best things in life aren't really things...
ReplyDeleteOh man...thank you so much! I haven't seen the Dec. issue yet, I'd better go find it! I'm so, so happy you liked it, and beyond humbled that it was helpful to you. I hope you're able to find the joy in these next couple of months. It's so hard to do, so many of us have been exactly where you are right now. Big huge hugs to you, Elphie. And thank you so much for saying hello.
DeleteI mostly lurk around and take solace in the fact that you broke out the other side with your full life force intact- I'm about to go down the rabbit hole of filing for the big D after 17 years and I want you to know that you serve as the Nordic battle cry of women who had some side piece served up in their grill and had to get all legal eagle. What you do is important and helps so many. Never stop writing you lithe wordsmith;)
ReplyDeleteThis made me cry. Thank you. I've been feeling wordless for a while now. Maybe I need to sit down and clickety clack some more :)
DeleteJust wanted to tell you, anon...my BFF was looking for something here in the comments and she stumbled across this one. I wanted to let you know that reading it again made me smile and also wish I knew who you are so I could befriend you and take you out for some apps and a drink or two.
ReplyDeleteI think you are amazing! Just picked up your article in Family Circle at the gym and I had to share it with my Lamorinda moms group. I live your style!
ReplyDeleteI had the experience your son had loads of time when I was younger. Thank you for writing this article.
ReplyDelete'Someday I'd like to write a book. In order to do that, though, I have to get over some staggering self-confidence issues.' I read that line two or three times. Me too, Jenny. Your blog is the therapy I can't afford :)
ReplyDeleteHugs Sue ♥
DeleteI'm suitably impressed. You go, girl!
ReplyDelete