2/22/15

Sloppy Seconds: Stream of Consciousness Sunday

Take a gander at my new lunch box!


Isn't it cute? It even has my last name embroidered on the other side. In big letters! How it came to be my new lunch box is kind of a funny story.

The kids spent a few hours with their dad on Christmas Day. That's how it's been for the past few years. In the early days post-divorce, we adhered to the decree pretty faithfully (which goes to show it's never too late to start being faithful!). Holidays were divvied up on an odd/even year schedule. After a while, though, the holiday visits went the way of the weekends and two-dinners a week: kaput. So, overnights at Christmas became 11-5. Fine, though...they're spending time with him, with their stepmom and their half-brother. That's all that matters, right?

So a day or two after Christmas, I was standing in the doorway of Molly's bedroom. She was showing me the gifts she'd received from her dad. She got a pair of Uggs! I was secretly relieved about this one. I'd been searching the world over (okay, mostly on Amazon) and had decided that Uggs were out of my price range. So, yay for Molly, right? And might I say, good call, Big Daddy and Secretary. Actually, let's be honest here and say good call Secretary. I was married to him for 13 years, people. I know who does the shopping.

I noticed the black and white lunch box then, and picked it up. Our last name was stitched on the side, so big and proud. "This is cute!" I said to my daughter, as I examined the tote. "Yeah" she said. "Secretary gave it to me. She said she never used it and asked if I wanted it. I just said yes to be nice. You want it?"

Now, had this exchange happened a few years ago, this is how it would have panned out: I'd have picked up the bag with two fingers, like it was a stiff, smushed squirrel corpse my dog had deposited on the deck. I would have made some sort of comment, maybe along the lines of 'oh how sweet of her! She's such a generous soul' and then I'd have thrown it away.

But time heals all wounds, and it also mellows angry ex-wives. I did let myself delve into a moment of snark, and envisioned Secretary getting this lunch tote as a gift. "Oh for cute!" I imagined her saying, holding the tote up for all of the other people at this imaginary gift opening event, "Look, it has my new last name on it! To die for! Thank you so much, Kassidy!". Because I imagine her talking like an aging Valley Girl and also hanging out with women who are named Kassidy.

After that moment passed, I took my new lunch box into the kitchen and plopped it into the pantry with the other insulated bags. I mentally patted myself on the back for having grown up so much, for becoming a bigger and better person who doesn't let past hurts and insults bleed through into today.

Molly came into the kitchen then, holding a little box in her hand. "Here" she said, handing it over to me, "she gave me this candle, too. I don't want it." I inspected the box, and found a lovely little Thymes candle inside. I'm a candle junkie, and although this wasn't a Fresh Linen scented one, I took it.

Later that day I lit the candle, and let the fragrance of "Kimono Rose" fill the living room. I think, though, that there was an underlying note. Kinda smelled like "Questionable Morals". Or maybe it was "Marriage Built on Lies". Whatever it was, it was pretty and helped mask the smell of big dog and bigger teenagers. Win/win.

Baby steps, folks.



Thanks a bunch to one of my favorite blogger friends, Nicole of "Sisters From Another Mister" for the heads-up. Join another one of my blogging idols, Fadra Nally, for these Sunday Stream of Consciousness posts. Five minutes, and no editing? Gah. Good times, ladies!

25 comments:

  1. Absolutely love this post. "Kinda smelled like questionable morals or maybe it was marriage built on lies". I laughed loudly at that part. Im going through the same battle of trying to be polite and kind to my ex and his new wife. Its one of the hardest things ive ever done. My children are 1 and 4 so i can only hope they will one day know the truth and appreciate all ive done for them.

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    1. Oh, thank you Jenna! And girl, let me promise you: your babies already know, and already appreciate. For sure.

      Thank you for reading :)

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    2. I'm with Jenna I died at the questionable morals lol

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  2. That's a 31 lunchbox of which I am just a tiny little bit obsessed with! Secretary is a dummy for giving it up. Enjoy that thing. It's adorable.

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    1. It's very well made, Beth, and I can attest to it's food-keeping abilities. Although I don't know her personally, I'm thinking Ms. Secretary isn't the "bring your own lunch" kinda gal ;)

      Thanks so much for reading, my friend!

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  3. I'm having a tough time with my ex-narcissist so your blog made my day! "picked up the bag with two fingers, like it was a stiff, smushed squirrel corpse my dog had deposited on the deck." "Questionable morals" I love your descriptions and I love clean linen scented candles too! I needed this!

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    1. Oh Linda. I'm sorry you're having to deal with that crap. Sometimes it's so freaking hard to play nice, right??

      And OMG the linen candles. I'm sick! If I could buy them in bulk I totally would.

      Thank you so much for reading, and darling, hang in there. You are not alone ♥

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  4. bwahahaa ... you know, it had not occurred to me just how much amusing blog fodder I would be able to find in all of this once it was said and done. It is like a never ending fountain of 'hey, look ... I no longer have to show your good side and can poke fun at you. all.of.the.time' ;)

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    1. So.Much.Fodder. It's like fodder Christmas!

      Thanks for posting your SOC! This was fun ♥

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  5. I just had a break through with my ex and it is quite refreshing not to want to wish hateful things on him (me, not you). I am such a sucker for bags I would have probably kept that lunch bag too.

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    1. Isn't it so refreshing? I'd rather laugh than feel awful. It takes time but it's so worth the wait. And yes, it's an adorable little bag. I wonder if she has anymore she's not using??

      Thanks so much for reading!

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  6. This is hilarious! I love your positive attitude!

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    1. Aww thanks Susan! Sometimes I do the right thing.

      Thank you so much for reading!

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  7. My ex and wife version 2.0 gave my daughter some clothes that she didn't like. She said they looked like old lady clothes, so they went into my closet! :) I needed clothes, all my money was going to raise the kids when he wasn't paying child support!

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    1. Yay Staci! I would have done the exact same thing. And how awesome if she'd left a $20 bill in a pocket, right?

      Thank you so much for reading!

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  8. Oh my. I loved every. single. second. of this story. You know the saying "Light a candle instead of cursing the darkness"? You took that one literally. And how sweet is it that you have nice new things courtesy of Secretary. Ironically sweet ;)

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    1. Oh, thanks so much Fadra! I love me some irony :)

      Thanks a bunch for the inspiration. This was a fun exercise!

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  9. Spot on. I just wish we all could have made the emotional/pragmatic leap you made with this event, waaaay earlier in our ex-and-angst-shedding journeys. I remember letting my ex have the dishes, the Electrolux (yeah, it rocked) and so on, thinking "How could I ever use these things without thinking of him." Dumb.

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    1. Oh my sweet Becky. It took me SO LONG to get to this place. And yeah, there are still a few remnants from my married life that, when I use them, bring me back in time. It doesn't hurt as much anymore.

      Nice to see you :)

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  10. More than baby steps!

    I should do something stream of consciousness . . .

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    1. Nina you totally should! I bet it would be fabulous. And I'd read it in your voice which would be AWESOME.

      Thanks so much for reading!

      Delete
  11. So the text I sent my friend while standing in line at the State of Florida Child Support Enforcement Unit:"I hope his member falls off in her mouth, she chokes on it, and he bleeds out"....,means I have further to go before I can accept her hand me downs.
    Their marriage is 98 days after our divorce. He asked our four kids to walk him down the aisle.
    Thanks for writing. You make me feel like I'm not the only one.

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    1. Aughhhh. 98 days?? Mine waited 11 months. I'm so sorry you had to deal with this. And girl, I giggled at the member wish. I had verrrry similar thoughts.

      Give yourself time. Like I said in the post, not so long ago I would have maybe used the lunch tote to pick up dog shit in the backyard. It takes a long time to deal with something like infidelity. There aren't too many injuries like it. Thank God.

      Stay strong, sister. Thanks so much for taking the time to share.

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