1/15/14

Oddball Crushes, Part Deux

So while sitting on the bleachers at William's hockey game a few nights ago, some of the other moms and I were discussing the casting of the highly-anticipated Fifty Shades of Grey movie. I mentioned that I'd like to see Paul Giamatti play a Christian Grey-type character.

Cut to the incredulous and slightly disgusted looks on the hockey mom's faces.

One of the moms was all, "Who is Paul Giamatti?" so someone pulled up his picture on her phone. They all laughed! "Really, Jenny? What is it about him that you find attractive?" one of them asked me.

Listen, in her defense, this was the picture they were gawking at:

Your new drivers license should arrive in 4-6 weeks, Mr. Giamatti.

NOT THE BEST PICTURE, LADIES.

Then one of them started giggling. "Oh Jenny. I think I see why there's an attraction..."  she looked at me, then put two of her fingers over Paul's face, so only his eyes and the bridge of his nose were showing.

"He looks like your ex-husband. Like, he could be his brother!"

GASP. Oh the horror. I felt something in me shrivel, because she was right. There is a resemblance. Before the creepy stare of my ex-husband's doppleganger could put a damper on the hot coals of love, I swiped the screen of the phone and pulled up a much better image of my pretend lover:

The heart wants what it wants.

AGAIN WITH THE GIGGLING. Now, a different hockey mom put two of her fingers on Paul's face, this time covering his eyes and the top of his nose. She presented me with Paul Giamatti's mouth and chin, and said, "Tell me that this part doesn't look a lot like your ex."

Dammit. They're both kind of right. I curse the middle-aged man goatee. It makes them all look kind of alike, no? So I'm going to have to watch John Adams again, because I can't picture my ex-husband in a colonial wig. And Paul doesn't have a goatee in it.

God help me, this floats my boat. Say something constitutional, baby.

So all of this Paul Giamatti stuff got me thinking about Oddball Crushes. The last time I discussed the Oddballs here, we had a rollicking good time in the comments...and I was comforted to know that I'm not the only one who finds unconventional looks attractive.

I've added to my repertoire of oddballs. This might be a sign of declining mental faculties or it may just mean I need to get out more, but here are a few more additions:

Rest In Peace, Uncle Phil:


James Avery was a very attractive man, but what makes this one an oddball (and now, a posthumous) crush is that while every other girl in America watching Fresh Prince was ogling Will Smith, I was probably one of the only 20-somethings thinking to myself "Hmmm...Uncle Phil sure is a tall, thick-thighed drink of water."

THIS GUY:


Luis Guzman. The portly Puerto Rican character actor who has been in pretty much every single movie ever made, including Boogie Nights, Scarface and the absolutely riveting (/sarcasm) Journey to the Center of the Earth: Part 2.

What is is about this oddball crush? I don't know. I do know that I want to snuggle with him, run my fingers along his formidable brow and call him My Sweet Papi.

And I'll close with my oddball girl crush:

Remember what I said about finding someone to dance to Flo Rida's "Low" with me? 



Lea "Big Boo" DeLaria from many many things, including the fabulous "Orange is the New Black" on Netflix. Why? She is hilarious, for one thing. Here's an interview with her, where she had my heart with "making batik with my menstrual blood" (sorry for my readers on cell phones, for some reason the videos don't show up):


Get More: 


I love her! And I'm giddy with anticipation for Season 2 of Orange. I finally finished the book, and I'll give you my mini-review: it's aiight. For the first time, I think I like the show/movie better.



And that wraps up this session of Oddball Crushes. I'm home with what I'm praying isn't the flu today...please chime in with your own oddball crushes so I have some fresh meat to look up on IMDB.

Achoo, and adios for now.

36 comments:

  1. You mean like how I would totally do Eddie Money (back in the day, not the one of lat) as long as he was wearing his sunglasses?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. EXACTLY like that. 80's Eddie was hot with that lopsided mouth!

      Delete
  2. The crush pattern for Jenny: Sensitive, intelligent, funny, passionate, can be uninhibited (wildly so!) yet also bit broody and contemplative, at times. I am not surprised!

    For me it was Russell Johnson, who played the Professor on Gilligan's Island. And the historian Clay Jenkinson. I swoon over his voice! The pattern ... intelligent and handsome.

    You have to admit, a guy is very useful who can make a radio out of a coconut. Yet others have pointed out that the Professor didn't use the radio to rescue everyone. Still.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The professor in that crisp white shirt and khakis? Swoooon. (or was it a blue shirt?). And of course I have to Google Clay Johnson because I am so behind on the sexy historians.

      Delete
  3. Let's see...

    Dennis Leary
    Billy Bob Thornton
    Tim Roth
    Seth Rogen
    Phillip Seymour Hoffman
    James Spader
    Ricky Gervais
    Hugh Laurie (I loved him before House, dammit!)

    And I get really confused over Mickey Rourke because in my head he still looks like he did in the 80s. His face is a total train wreck now, but he's still such a cool em-effer.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Gah! YES! To all of them. ALL OF THEM. Tell me you love chubby middle aged Spader even more than foxy pretentious young Spader...please? He was almost too much for me to take in Lincoln (in which Daniel Day Lewis made Abe all kinds of sexy).

      I love your list.

      Delete
    2. I love Spader in all of his forms. We've grown together. ;)

      Delete
  4. Dustin Hoffmann. That is all.

    But wait - will there be a second season of Orange? That was the MOST AWESOME SERIES EVER.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dustin Hoffman's daughter lives in my city! And there have been numerous Dustin sightings, but never by me :( I need to be on the lookout because Tootsie is one of my all time favorite movies.

      Delete
    2. Where are you? I am coming to visit RIGHT NOW.

      Delete
  5. At first I was all, "HOLY SHIT JENNY IS A FACKING WEIRDO!!" Then I was all, "Well I think Cesar Milan is hot, so..."

    God I'm so embarrassed.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Cesar Milan is very good looking. And he whispers to dogs! Nothing to be embarrassed about..

      Delete
  6. Replies
    1. I agree! Did you know that Zach and my original pretend boyfriend, Louis CK, are doing to do a show for the FX network? Yay!

      Delete
    2. Wasn't so sure about Louis CK as a crush until I saw him in American Hustle -- now you will have to fight me for him as my pretend boyfriend too! :)

      Delete
    3. Okay. Sounds like a viewing of American Hustle is in order. Stat. He didn't even tell me he was going to be in it.

      Delete
  7. Richard Schiff. (Toby on West Wing.) OMG I have a crush on almost everyone in that cast, but Toby is the one!

    and you know my adolescent obsession with Alan Thicke while all my friends drooled over Kirk Cameron....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wesley, can you believe I never finished West Wing on Netflix??? I love Toby too. And you know how I feel about Josh. I mean Bradley Whitford.

      LMAO at young Leslie and Alan Thicke. I love that. So much.

      Delete
  8. Yes, yay! You can have Louis, I'll take Zach, okay?

    ReplyDelete
  9. Replies
    1. YESSSSSS! Angel!!! Danielle and I used to watch Dexter together, and we'd swoon over that tall oddball. GOOD CALL Shennon! Good freaking call.

      Delete
  10. When I was a little kid I had a crush on Michael Jackson, and also Arnold from Diff'rent Strokes. (Wasn't his last name ALSO Jackson in the show?) I had odd taste in men when I was five!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ha! Yes. Arnold Jackson. Although I wonder if he took the surname Drummond eventually?

      You were a precocious oddball crusher. I like that!

      Delete
  11. When I was a kid, it was Marjoe Gortner. Go ahead, I'll wait while you google. I was an odd child.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. God help me. I didn't have to Google. "Guest starring Marjoe Gortner" said every tv show in the 70's and 80's.

      Thanks for the morning laugh!

      Delete
  12. I am 45 years old and ashamed to admit this...
    KID ROCK
    I can't explain it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No shame, and no explanations! You are among friends here. We don't judge.

      P.S. I'd totally make out with him, too.

      Delete
    2. I imagine he'd taste like pot, Slim Jims and Jack Daniels.

      Delete
  13. Yes--the show is SO much better! (Love that you included her on the oddball crush list.) When does the second season come out? I can't take it anymore.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I had to choose between her and Laura Prepon. But I think it was the dog that swayed my vote for Big Boo.

      I think it's not until spring??? Whaaa. The Blacklist will have to tide me over.

      Delete
  14. Dustin Hoffman, Martin Freeman, and Seth Green....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ahhh...another Dustin! Love it. I Googled Martin Freeman because dammit I knew the name...and yes! I love Sherlock! He's a wee little man.

      And yes, I understand the Seth Green thing. I understand it well.

      Delete
  15. Back off Louis CK. For real.

    Unless I can have Martin Freeman. I think Martin Freeman is only "oddball" because I am four inches taller than him.

    Also: John Stewart. And Stephen Colbert (both in and out of character). And, I think you mentioned him in your last post, the Cash Cab guy. Totally the Cash Cab guy.

    Oh, and Nicholas Cage, but only in Valley Girl.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You'll have to fight the anonymous above this comment for Martin, I'm afraid.

      And OMG how could I forget John Stewart! MAKE ME LAUGH, FUNNY MAN. And Colbert, my lust for him waxes and wanes. Although that dance thing he just did made me want to cut a rug with him. Boy has some moves.

      I actually want to walk around NYC hailing cabs one week, just to find Cash Cab Guy. I'd make a vacation out of it.

      Nic was so hot in Valley Girl. But his teeth freak me out now.

      Thank you so much for reading!

      Delete
  16. Dang it, how did I miss this one?
    Mick. Jagger.

    ReplyDelete

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