9/26/13

When I Was 46...It Was A Very Good Year

WARNING: MAUDLIN THINGS AHEAD. ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK.

So it's my birthday. Not as I write this...as I sit here and clickety clack on my couch, it's still another 3 1/2 hours til I turn 47. But for all intents and purposes, it's here.

I'm really getting crazy tonight, and having a glass of wine as I say goodbye to 46. William and I went to Trader Joe's earlier this evening in pursuit of cavatappi noodles. Seriously, side note here: can anyone point me in the direction of a store that sells cavatappi noodles? The only place I can find them is in the organic section of Target...and they are always sold out. 

Where was I? Oh yeah. So William and I were at Trader Joe's. We didn't find the noodles but we did run into his 4th grade teacher, a former student of mine and one of my most favorite hens in the universe. I decided that tonight would be a good night to have a little glass of wine...you know, to toast the end of another year on this planet. So we strolled over to the wine section of the store. 

William was done. He huffed and puffed while I, a true Libra, waffled back and forth between the myriad of boozy choices in front of me. White? Red? A merlot? A pinot noir or grigio? 

Finally, he could take no more. "Mom." he said. He always begins our conversations with that single word. I hope that never ends. "Mom...just pick one and let's go. Grab that one, right there. The one with the horse on it. YOLO, Mom."

I got YOLO'ed at Trader Joe's. 

For the record, "the one with the horse on it" is a red wine with a name I can't pronounce. And it's delicious. Did I mention it was just $5.99? My boy can pick a wine. I used to think it would be awesome to have a mechanic or a dentist in the family...but a sommelier? Even better. 

So here I sit. Surrounded by my boys as they watch the show "Revolution" on Netflix and do their homework, my faithful and loving companion Walter at my side. I'm sipping some good, cheap wine and yep...my eyes are brimming with tears. 

REMEMBER, YOU WERE WARNED. IT'S GETTIN' ALL KINDS OF TREACLY UP IN HERE!

As we are wont to do, we "people of a certain age", I looked back on the past 365 days of my life. I'm beginning to feel the pull of not only my mortality, but of the very seconds, minutes and hours that make up life in general. It's as if someone pushed fast forward, and no matter how firmly I dig in my heels, the days are speeding by at a dizzying rate. 

How is it possible that I am 47? Wasn't I just 18? 25? 40???? I catch glimpses of myself now and then. In the shiny glass of the big doors at school, in the bathroom mirror, in the window above the kitchen sink. There are things I don't like in those glimpses: the roundness of my shoulders, the frizz of the hair. But...and I think this is a gift that comes to those who age: I love most of it.

I'm happy to be alive, to be able to walk around and catch those glimpses of that frizzy-haired woman I play peek-a-boo with now and then. I'm grateful for the fact that I can hug my kids, call a friend, read a book to a 5 year old. 

I'm pretty damn happy that I have 365 days to look back upon.

46 was a kick ass year. It was a year of quiet, massive change. A year of baby-steps and leaps of faith and jumping hurdles both real and imagined.

46 saw the end of a friendship or two, friendships that needed to be done. It also saw the dawning of several more that needed to begin.

46 was the year I saw my name on the Huffington Post. 

46 was the year I not only dragged my shy ass into an audition, but then dragged it up on a stage in front of hundreds of people and read one of my stories. Like, OUT LOUD. 

46 was the year I sat in a courtroom with my ex-husband for (hopefully) the last time. 46 was the year my kids and I saw child support for the first time in almost half a decade. 

46 went to Amsterdam with a lovah. 

46 then butt-dialed said lovah and just like that, he wasn't my lovah anymore. 46 was also the year I discovered that my phone is kinda smart, after all. 

46 saw Lady Gaga. And loved it. The 46 year old friend who took me to see Gaga has been a pal since 6th grade. We left the concert early, to avoid traffic. The two of us 46 year olds laughed as we wondered what our teenage selves would have thought of that.

46 was the year that I wrote about my giant tampons and won an award for it. 

46 was the last year I had to piece together up to 4 jobs at a time just to keep afloat. Because 46 happened to be the year I got a real job. Like, a benefits-sick-days-paid-holidays-JOB. 

46 sat down at a restaurant with cousins I hadn't seen in a decade. 46 was the year I realized that blood runs deep. 

46 was the year I learned so much. I loved so much. I laughed so much. I cried so much, too, because some things never change. But most of them were happy tears, which was a change. A much welcomed one at that.

Thank you, my friends, for being part of my year. Some of you have been around since the beginning, some of you have just joined the crazy. I'm grateful for all of you. 46 wouldn't have been the same if you hadn't been around.

And now, without any further ado, I would like to introduce you to 47.

I wonder what amazing things will happen this year?












25 comments:

  1. This year (very soon in fact) I will say goodbye to 55. Talk about bittersweet. I realized the other day, I really like the almost56yearold I have become and don't want to go back to the 18 year old I was. (although I'd like to mug her and change bodies with her!) Happy Birthday! I hope 47 treats you even better.

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    1. Thank you so much, Donna Lee :) Happy 56th to you!

      And a-freaking-men about getting that 18 year old body back! I miss those boobs.

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  2. "I used to think it would be awesome to have a mechanic or a dentist in the family...but a sommelier? Even better." <-- love this!

    Happy 47th birthday! I'm happy to have found your blog this past year and am excited to get to know you more with each post.

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    1. Love you, twister. Thank you for being such a wonderful part of this year.

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  3. Happy Birthday and may this year bring you a new lovah who'll take you to Paris!! Ah hell, the moon!!

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  4. Like you, I have a September birthday and just said good-bye to 60 this week. I, too, am ever so grateful for each and every day! Happy Birthday to you and may it be an awesome year.

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    1. Thanks for being such a great pal, Shelagh. So glad to have you on board here :)

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  5. You make me look forward to 46. Thank you. And I want a bottle of that stuff with the horse on it.

    Happy birthday! Here's to another great year!

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    1. Thank you Mandy! I need to go back and get me some of that horse wine.

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  6. I am very glad to have been a part of your year of 46. I know MY life is the better for it. I have not eaten pasta with my family this year without thinking of you and remembering it's those little things that make up the whole and that the cracks (and the breaks) don't have to mean we are broken.

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    1. Thank you for making me cry here in December, Kelly.

      So very glad to have met you that fateful day. You make me think. I'm so happy to know you!

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  7. You are so damn poetic!! I can only wish that I had a way with words the way you do. It sounds like 46 was awesome and good to you and I hope life has more of the same in store for you for 47 (well, maybe no more courtroom dates with the ex)! Happy Birthday, my dear!

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  8. Byerly's has cavatappi noodles. In fact, a recipe I discovered last year while AT Byerly's uses them, and my family loves it. I feel yours would too.

    And I'm picturing a 25 year old William as a sommelier, flipping his bangs back and saying "Dude, the depth and warmth of this Cabernet is awesome!"

    And I agree with you: your phone is smart. McCain was all kinds of wrong for you. Why can't we say these things to our friends while they are actually with the person?

    46 was a good year for you. I think 47 has great potential! Happy birthday!

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  9. It sounds like 46 was a pretty good year for you, with only better things to come. Happy Birthday my internet, imaginary friend. Thank you for offering to be there for me, I may take you up on it sometime. Working through it now and hopefully will come out better. Keep living and writing. Your words are healing to all of us. Thanks.

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  10. 47 (which you can still count as your "mid-forties," IMHO) will be the year you and I go to Paris and BOTH find lovahs! And decide to stay there and learn how to speak French (since we both already know how to drink wine).

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  11. Let's hear it for 46! Hopefully, 47 will be just as exciting.

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  12. This post, like all of yours, is all kinds of fabulous, Jenny. SO glad to have been part of your last year, and shared in these highlights with you! Wishing you a fantastic birthday with many, many more years and many more great things ahead. I know my life has been that much richer with you among my friends, again.

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  13. Have a wonderul 47 and keep posting..us 56 yo need your eloquent humor

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  14. I LOVE this tribute to your year. You deserved a good one, my friend. I have hopes for 47 for you. Can't wait to celebrate over lunch soon!

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  15. I also turned 47 this year. And I also catch glimpses of myself in the mirror and think "ugh!" sometimes. But thank you for the reminder of how fortunate we truly are. 46 was a good year and we proved what strong, amazing women we really are. Here's to a wonderful 47 filled with many happy moments. Happy Birthday Jenny!

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  16. I join your fanclub in wishing you a fantastical birthday, you fabulous dame! You've touched a lot of lives and hugged many others. I feel damn lucky to have discovered you -- the wisdom, the humor, the pathos, the hope, the subliminal reminders to drink more red wine -- you've got it all, sister. :)
    I can't wait to see how your 47th goes.

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  17. Wow, you really WERE a busy lady this year! I'm glad to have been one of the peeps that got to you here towards the end of it... cheers to all that is to come. *clink*

    xoxo

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  18. Reading this during the holidays and getting ready to close out another year brought tears to my eyes. I am getting ready to turn 47 too, and am so thankful for all the friends and experiences I have had. I really am trying to take a moment when I remember to smell the roses, but these days are just passing by way too fast! Merry Christmas and may 2014 bring you continued blessings!

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