I am on day 6 without wheels. And the guilt thing I was carrying on about? Gone. I asked my mom about borrowing her car for the week, and they told me that they sold it the day before.
Don't get me wrong: I don't expect my mommy to come to the rescue every time I'm in a crisis. I'm 45 years old, for Christ's sake. I shouldn't even have crises at this age. But, to drag out my favorite trite expression, it is what it is. And just between you and me, I am super bummed out. Not because I felt like they owed me anything, or because I expected her help. It's because just two weeks ago they had dangled that big, juicy carrot in front of my desperate face: a solution to some of my worries, a way to get a teensy, weensy bit ahead for a change. I'm so stupid...after they mentioned giving me the car, I went ahead and built a little dream scenario in my head: all the money I'd save on gas, selling my giant, money and gas guzzling truck and finally having a holiday season that doesn't make me want to crawl into a cave.
I'm sad and bummed because for a little while, I was hopeful. And now I'm not. Now, it's back to reality and to be honest with you, my reality is pretty sad. Not HORRIBLE, nowhere near as bad as I know it could be, but it's certainly not the bowl of cherries I thought it would be.
Ok, my boo hoo fest is done, thank you for letting me vent. Although my reality is sad, I still manage to find the awesome in it. And today I had a whole lot of awesome. I went to the Science Museum with William's class, and while I watched him and his posse run around, conduct experiments, monkey around with with all of the wonderful gizmos they have at that place, I felt my heart swell with love. Or maybe that was the near-heart attack I had after climbing 6 flights of stairs. What's up with that, Science Museum of Minnesota? What do you have against escalators? Whatever...it brought back a flood of memories, and made me realize how fast time is slipping by me. How can it be, that this kid is in 6th grade? How can I have a high school senior and a daughter in 10th grade? Weren't these kids just drinking out of sippy cups and wearing pull ups? Weren't they all wearing tiny footed pajamas and watching Toy Story just yesterday?
My life may not be ideal. I may not have the comforts that I thought I'd have at this stage in the game, but I do have something that no money can buy: I have the memories, and I have that certain feeling of surety, knowing I did right by my kids. I have been there for countless field trips, just like the one I was on today. I have been lucky enough to be able to be there and watch each one of my kids explore and learn and just be KIDS. I've been able to get to know their classmates, their teachers, the other parents. I wouldn't trade that for anything in the world.
And now, off my weepy soapbox, and on to the blanks that need filling:
1. When I was a kid I wanted to be either a writer or an actress when I grew up.
2. As an adult, my dream job would be duh...a self sufficient writer. Author. Person who gets paid to write.
3. When I was younger I wanted to be just like Gilda Radner. I used to watch her on Saturday Night Live, as Roseanne Rosannadanna, as Emily Litella, as Lisa Loopner and I wanted so badly to be that funny.
4. The childhood Halloween costume I remember most was when I was a This is just sad. The only costume I remember was Mary Poppins. It was one of those FREAKY plastic masks, and my mom made a cape thing for me to wear. I loved that creepy plastic mask. Even though the edges cracked, the elastic band caught my hair and broke about 3 minutes after I put it on, I loved that damn mask.
5. My favorite childhood toy was a tie between the toy Winnebago camper and the Skipper doll that grew boobs when you raised her arm. Obsessed with both. Seriously considered buying both on eBay back when I had a cash flow.
6. The time I got into the biggest amount of trouble when I was a kid was The neighbors were gone for the day. My other little neighbor friend and I knew that they didn't lock their doors, and so we went into their house. Just walked in, and hung out in their house for a little bit. I remember being absolutely thrilled, and terrified, and feeling like a big time robber. We got busted, of course, and I will never, ever forget my mom yelling at me, and grounding me. I was in 3rd grade.
7. I get daily inspiration from Two sources: first source, my kids. They are growing up in a less than ideal situation: we don't have much money. They get free lunches at school. They don't have fabulous clothes. They don't get the things their friends get, things like braces, or driving lessons or family vacations. And yet, they are happy. They get up every day, they go on about their lives, they have friends and they make plans. They know that their lives are different, that they have less than most of their peers, but they just keep going. And I love them for that. The other inspiration? Some of the kids I work with at school. The little boy with Downs. The kid with cerebral palsy. The autistic kid. These amazing individuals show up at school every day. They walk through the front door, and face their days with more courage, more guts, more strength than you or I could even begin to muster. I love them for that.
And that, folks, wraps up another scintillating Fill in the Blank Friday. I am now logging off, and enjoying my Nick @ Nite Friends marathon. God help me.